12 Gauge Cometh; Josh McCown is a GREAT signing for the Browns

February 28, 2015 Mike Leave a comment

So the Browns signed Josh McCown to a three year deal. A veteran journeyman who’s bounced around the league and is willing to mentor a young quarterback… Who has a relationship with newly hired Browns Offensive Coordinator John Defillippo… Who can provide coaching and mentoring to young quarterbacks on the roster… Who is CLEARLY not a starter.

What’s the problem with that? The way your favorite sports media personalities are acting you’d have thought Ray Farmer committed a Ray Lewis. So they signed a back up quarterback. Big fucking deal. Step off of your ledge and quit being dramatic.

From Cleveland.com

When Manziel gets out of rehab, he’ll need all the help and support he can get, and McCown will excel in that role, a source told the Northeast Ohio Media Group.

“I just want to serve our team and help everybody in that locker room, do my best to help everybody in the locker room be better at their job and they’re going to help me, too. It’s a two-way street,” McCown said in a news release. “I’m just excited about coming in and being a part of a team.

“Year 1 was a solid first year for coach Pettine, and to see the vision with what he’s got going on is exciting to me. In my room, I want to be able to help those young guys and pass along my knowledge and experiences I’ve had and help them grow. (I’m) going to compete at the best level I can to help our team get better.”

Sure sounds like someone coming in to help younger players on the roster. So don’t be this guy:

McCown being brought in to mentor Johnny Manziel, because he's accomplished so much in 12 seasons

— Daryl Ruiter (@RuiterWrongFAN) February 28, 2015

Aside from the real reasons above, here’s why McCown The Touchdown aka The Real Mr. 12 Gauge is a GREAT signing for the Browns

He has fabulous hair.

Everyone knows quarterbacks with great hair win games, make the playoffs, and win Super Bowls

Just ask Tom.

We’ll be able to add another McCown to the jersey

What are the chances of that? That’s just a great accomplishment. Kinda hoping sometime down the road the Browns bring in former South Carolina Quarterback Stephen Garcia.

He wears the #12 and has a last name that starts with “McC”

Easy fix for all the people with Colt McCoy #12 jerseys out there. Slap some duct tape on the last name, grab a sharpie and boom, you’ve got your own authentic Josh McCown jersey.

He looks like Ivan Drago

He’s a human helicopter

He’s anti porn

https://vimeo.com/19019852

OK hear me out. Johnny Manziel is currently in rehab, right? What do they do in rehab? They treat addictions. Has one person confirmed what Johnny is in rehab for? I know there’s tons of speculation, but has there been any rock solid confirmation on why he’s there? No. There hasn’t.

The writing is on the wall, guys. Johnny Manziel may or may not be in rehab for a porn addiction. Josh McCown may or may not have been added to mentor Johnny about his addiction. Josh wasn’t brought in to teach five step drops. He was brought in to shield Manziel from five person gang bangs.

Dont jump. It’s gonna be OK with 12 Gauge.

Related: Has anyone else wondered why the Browns love former Chicago Bear backups? Jason Campbell, Caleb Hanie last year, and now Josh McCown. Why not just complete the superfecta and bring in Jimmy Clausen?

Cavs

A firsthand experience inside the Q for Cavs vs Golden State

February 27, 2015 Mike Leave a comment

New guy added to the “staff” who goes by Brett. “Staff” being used very loosely. He was in attendance for last night’s beatdown the Cavs gave the Warriors and here are his thoughts…

Last night, I was fortunate enough to be in the Q for Cavs v. Warriors. The Warriors have the NBA’s best record and it is a matchup that many have said we could potentially see again during the NBA Finals. However, The Cavaliers ended up winning 110-99 in a game that wasn’t very close from start to finish. LeBron James officially announced his candidacy for the MVP trophy by dropping 42 points, 11 boards, 5 assists and 3 steals. Lebron loves these types of games and you could see it last night. Although the Warriors had their moments, our beloved Cavs made the Western Conference-leading Warriors look beatable. I could go on with my thoughts and incredibly-biased analysis, but that’s what not I’m here for. And that isn’t what I was there for last night.

Yesterday I wanted to take in the culture of the arena. I wanted to feel the energy of the crowd and see how they showed up for the nationally televised TNT broadcast. I wanted to gauge the crowd’s interest throughout the contest, to feel the excitement of people sitting near me. My quick takeaways that might only tangentially relate to basketball:

Cleveland is ready for it’s return to the playoffs: From start to finish last night, the arena was rocking. DJ Steph Floss had Drake’s new album in heavy rotation, the seats were full before tipoff, and the American angel himself, Brian McKnight, sang the National Anthem. As his glorious vocals gave way to the player introductions and that giant stream of fire ejected from the monstrous jumbotron, I was pretty much at full chub in the pants. The past few seasons have been nothing like last night, and I can only imagine what a playoff game back in the Q might be like. We all have something to look forward to.

Deep Thoughts with Matthew Dellevedova: This little pre-recorded gem came on the jumbotron during a TV timeout in the 3rd quarter and it was incredible. On the screen, Dellevedova appeared and was rubbing his chin, trying hard to look like he was deep in thought. He looked up and into the crowd’s souls and asked “How do vampires check themselves out if they can’t see themselves in the mirror?”. He tried hard not to crack a smile as the video faded to black. What a true Australian hero.

The Cavalier Girls: I sat in the upper deck, high and away from the floor. I enjoy in-game entertainment. I enjoy the Cavalier Girls dancing. Thank you, Dan Gilbert, for installing the giant HD jumbotron that allowed me to watch the Cavalier Girls up close from the upper deck. (Insert sly smile emoji here)

It's Game time! Let's go @cavs #noplacelikehome pic.twitter.com/M9i2f35Xoz

— Cavs Dance Team (@CavsDanceTeam) January 28, 2015

MVP Chants: The MVP chants were out in full force tonight and LeBron James got his fair share of them towards the end of the game as he continued to barrel towards the rim like a man on a mission. However, the first MVP chants of the night went to . . . Timofey Mozgov! He nailed two free throws as the crowd chanted for him to be crowned MVP. What a giant, lumbering human being. I’m glad he’s on our side.

Celebrity Star Power: Michael Bolton was courtside tonight and received a “Happy Birthday” memo on the jumbotron to almost zero applause. The 12 year old behind me literally asked his friend “Who the fuck is that?”. I couldn’t have been more giddy about that unintentional comedy. I realize we’ll never produce celebrities courtside like the Lakers, but we’ve got to be able to do better than Michael Bolton, right?

LeBron being LeBron: LeBron James is still very, very good at basketball. James Harden, Steph Curry and Russell Westbrook might be getting all the buzz right now in terms of the MVP trophy, but LeBron wants to hear none of it. He’s still the best in the game and you know he wanted to show it tonight. He attacked the rim with reckless abandon and for a stretch in the third quarter, it felt like he would never miss a jumper. We even got to see a patented LeBron heat-check three from waaaaay too deep. It was never even close, and I loved it. LeBron is still the best basketball player in the NBA, even if MVP voters are too “fatigued” to vote for him again.

I couldn’t be more excited about the remainder of the season. I’m gearing up towards a few playoff series in Cleveland. So should you.