Editor’s note- I had my roommate write a Cavs preview because season previews take FOREVER to do and I didn’t want to do it. If it sucks, blame him (it doesn’t suck)
Hello. How bout that ride in? On October 30, the Cleveland Cavaliers tip off one of the most anticipated seasons in Cleveland sports history. But how did we get here? Why is this the most anticipated season in Cleveland’s history? Let’s first recap the insanity that was the 2014 NBA offseason:
May 19th – The eve of the 2014 lottery. The mood surrounding the Cavs was dismal at best. The team was coming off a 33 win season and were looking at the 8th or 9th slot in the lottery.
May 20th – David Griffin pulls of a Nick Gilbert-esque MIRACLE and wins the NBA lottery with a 1.8% chance. The third time in four years. Honestly I still can’t wrap my head around that.
June 26th – With the #1 pick in the 2014 NBA Draft, the Cleveland Cavaliers select: Andrew Wiggins, University of Kansas. Game changer. The debate begins – keep him or trade him.
(whoa)
July 10th – Cavs officially announce Kyrie Irving has signed a 5-year $90 million contract extension. This was big news because there were plenty of rumors during the year that Kyrie was unhappy and that he would leave to play elsewhere (NY or Brooklyn)
(Cue the music)
(still get chills)
July 11th – The Decision Part 2. The Letter. The Return of the King. Whatever you want to call it. The best basketball player on the planet decided to leave South Florida and come home to Cleveland.
August 5th – LeBron recruits two former teammates in Mike Miller and James Jones to join the team. Big time boost for our outside shooting and playoff experience.
August 7th- Adrian Wojnararowkoskhiskslfjgowski drops a BOMB saying that the Cavs have agreed in principle to trade for Kevin Love in exchange for Andrew Wiggins and Anthony Bennett…. Uh oh. It’s happening! It’s happening!
August 8th- A “Welcome Home LeBron” rally is held at the U. of Akron’s Infocision Stadium
August 9th – The Matrix, Shawn Marion, agrees to join the Cavaliers. We add another wing defender and another player with a championship ring on his resume.
August 23rd – Kevin Love. Cavalier. Officially official. Cavs trade a 200lb 19 year old (Wiggins) and the most disappointing #1 pick in history (Bennett) for the best power forward in the league. Adding him to the best small forward in the league, and a future top 3 point guard. Have a day, Griff!
(Whoa. Is it hot in here? Is this a GQ photo shoot or a press conference?)
August 24th – Season tickets sell out. Cleveland went from the Mistake on the Lake to the center of the sports universe in a matter of months. In less than 4 months the team added: LeBron James, Kevin Love, Shawn Marion, Mike Miller, and James Jones. David Griffin locked up executive of the year before training camp.
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So now that we covered the uneventful summer of 2014 let’s get to the players who won’t be in the starting lineup come Thursday:
The Unsung Heroes. Introducing the Reserves:
First things first. This group needs a catchy name. The Tribe has the Goon Squad and I want something to refer to these guys as. Leave your suggestions in the comments.
This isn’t your dad’s Cavs bench. There’s no Semih Erden. No Luke the Puke Harangody. No Henry “The Junkyard Dog” Sims. This group has a combined 9 NBA championship rings, and 14 all-star appearances (ASSUMING RAY ALLEN SIGNS SOMETIME). When people talk about this team having limited playoff experience or not “knowing how to win” my answer is going to be laughter. Head tilted back loud maniacal laughter. These guys could probably go out and beat 6-7 teams in the league on their own. That’s a luxury we’ve never seen in Cleveland. It will pay dividends late in the season because we’ll be able to control the minutes of the big three (need to call them something different BTW) so they are fresh when we get into the later rounds of the playoffs. So here they are:
Matthew Dellavedova – #AussieStrong.
Mike Miller – One of LeBron’s best friends in the league. He’s your white shooter. 2x NBA champion. 1x NBA 6th Man of the Year. Former owner of great hair.
Joe Harris – Best player on Virginia during their Final Four run last year. Our other white shooter in the event Mike Miller isn’t up to the task. Might make an appearance on Cleveland’s hottest athlete list (coming soon).
James Jones – Former 3-point contest champion. Shot 51% last year in limited playing time. 2x NBA champion.
Shawn Marion – The Matrix. 4x NBA all-star. 1x NBA champion. Plus defender who can guard three postions.
(this is hilarious now)
Brendan Haywood – 7-foot+ big body. He gets 6 fouls and will probably use most of them when he plays. 1x NBA Champion.
(also hilarious now)
TBD – – – Ray Allen – Jesus Shuttlesworth. NBA’s all-time leading 3-point shooter. 10x NBA all-star. 3x NBA champions with Boston and Miami. Former 3-point contest champion.
Alex Kirk – If you’re Alex Kirk how psyched are you to be alive right now? You just spent four years in New Mexico probably cooking meth with Walter White when you weren’t playing basketball and now you’re on the beach in Brazil smoking cigars with Kevin Love and LeBron. You’ll probably get cut or spend eternity playing for the Charge but, by all means, enjoy it while you can, man… Some guys just have all the luck. Also has a bad chest tattoo.
Look for Part 2 on Wednesday highlighting the Starters and naming Preseason Superlatives
Bottlegate 