Tag Archives: Cavs

The Kardashian Curse Has Officially Infected Cleveland Sports

CLEVELAND, Ohio– The Indians won a ballgame Thursday night, but their postseason dreams ended.

CLEVELAND, Ohio- The Browns lost a heartbreaker on Sunday, but their postseason dreams were over before they began.

CLEVELAND, Ohio- The Cavs started workouts this week, but their season is probably over before it even started.

Why are all teams done, you ask?

khloetristan

September 2: The Day Every Cleveland Team’s Dreams Ended Before They Began.

Image result for khloe tristan thompson

Image result for khloe tristan thompson

So let’s start there, September 2nd. It was a nice Friday before Labor Day Weekend. Carlos Carrasco was on the mound for the Indians and he threw 7.1 innings of shutout ball vs. the Marlins. Little did we know that Carlos would be making one of his last starts of the year.

September 2nd was the day before the Browns would be cutting down their roster to 53 players.

September 2nd was the day it was announced on the Internet that Khloe Kardashian and our beloved NBA champion power forward Tristan Thompson were dating. Nothing good would come of this.

See, the Kardashians are kind of like Lupus. One minute you think you’re healthy and everything is going great. You’re happy. You’re loving life. Then BOOM, the next minute you can’t get out of bed, your leg has swollen up like a balloon, and your immune system is attacking your body from within.

And that’s the Kardashians. They sneak up on you like Lupus. No symptoms, no warning signs, nothing. Within a few days or weeks your immune system  or your team could be totally fucked. It doesn’t matter how dominant your starting rotation was supposed to be in the playoffs, or how good your stud rookies were looking (even if the team as a whole is a pile of shit), once the Kardashians reach your team and city, it’s a wrap.

Let’s take a look at the numbers. Since Khloe and Tristan were first rumored to be an item, the Indians lost 40% of their starting rotation and their starting catcher. The Browns lost a quarterback. Then another quarterback. And a center. And their rookie starting defensive end. And their rookie first round wide receiver who was coming off of a 5 catch 104 yards and 2 TD game.

  1. Carrasco
  2. Salazar
  3. Gomes
  4. Griffin III
  5. McCown
  6. Erving
  7. Nassib
  8. Coleman

EIGHT starting players in like 2 weeks. That’s absurd.

This isn’t a coincidence, guys. If any Cavalier tweaks something in the preseason I’m writing to our local congressman and starting a Change.org petition to put an end to this relationship. I’m not having THAT family be the reason the Cavs don’t repeat as champions. Hopefully it’s not too late but it probably is. 

Lupus has infected our city and we are so, so screwed.

 

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Kyrie Irving hit a familiar-looking clutch 3 last night, “Too soon” for Draymond

In what was billed as Love of Country vs Love of Coffee Lover, by me, just now, the US Men’s Basketball team went toe to toe with Matthew Dellavedova and Australia last night in Rio. The stars and stripes actually trailed at halftime, 54-49, and had their hands full all the way up until the fourth quarter. Up 90-86 with 1:35 left in the game, Kyrie did this:

If you’re wondering where you’ve seen that before (you’re not, because you just re-watched the 4th quarter of Game 7 for the 300th time last night), it looked an awful lot like his dagger at the end of Game 7 of the NBA Finals:

To make the W even sweeter, Draymond had a rare moment of self-awareness after the game and said that it was “too soon” for Irving to pull another move like that:

Get your hand off his head, dude. Don’t touch him. Don’t f***ing touch him.

PS miss u every day

PPS When do we start talking about the Cleveland Coffee Company in the same breath as Mr. Hero? Delly released a coffee with them, out of Cleveland a couple months later. Yan Gomes released his own blend in June, after which he hit both .159 and the Disabled List. Don’t even think about it, intern who is contemplating pitching Coleman Cappuccino to his boss. Don’t you dare.

 

VIDEO: LeBron tells crowd at ESPYs after-party to dance or leave

(h/t /u/Chuggawumba123)

“Like, if you’re not dancin’, shakin’ your ass and having a good time, there’s an exit sign right there, there’s an exit sign right there, there’s an exit sign right there, there’s an exit sign right there. You gotta get the fuck up outta here. This the Uninterrupted party and y’all know how we get down, aight? So if y’all not dancin’, havin’ a good time and shaking your ass, y’all gotta go man.”

The “Uninterrupted” line took me about 20 minutes to decipher. I just want you guys to know that.

Looks like a pretty fun party though. Not to mention a nice, safe environment for JR to pop his top off. An Uninterrupted with JR’s shirt talking about their rocky relationship since the NBA Finals would be cool. Two sides to every story.

Who do we think LeBron was yelling at for not dancing?

“Bron don’t kick me out bruh c’mon I’m dancin see”