USA

The greatest player in US Soccer history will play his final game tonight

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I know the cool, macho American thing to do is to hate on soccer but bear with me for a second. Landon Donovan has been the face of US Soccer for nearly 20 years. He’s second all-time in caps (appearances) with 156. He’s the all-time leader in goals (57) and assists (58). He was named US Soccer Athlete of the Year four times, played in three FIFA World Cups and helped the USA reach as high as 10th in the FIFA World Rankings in 2003. Oh yeah he also scored probably the most memorable goal in USA history:

If those USA chants don’t give you chills, get right up on out of here.

Donovan has his fair share of records domestically as well. He’s the MLS all-time leader in goals (143), assists (136), playoff goals, playoff assists and is 6th in minutes played. Other than that, pretty ho-hum career for #10.

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Despite being inexplicably left off the 2014 World Cup roster by Jurgen Klinsmann, Donovan has continued to be about as classy of an ambassador for his sport as you could ask for. He took the snub in stride, even had a sense of humor about it. (Which is bananas to me. He’s denied his last chance to play in a WC and he’s able to make a pretty damn funny commercial about it? He’s a bigger man than me, that’s for damn sure)

Honestly though. I understand Klinsmann wanted a “changing of the guard” of sorts, but that last match against Belgium, deadlocked 0-0, who do you want coming off the bench? An MLS journeyman with 32 national caps (Wondolowski), a 19 year old (Green) or the greatest player in United States history? I know Green ended up scoring but c’mon son. Give me the captain.

I know I’ll be watching the match tonight at 7 on ESPN and I also know most of you won’t, and that’s cool. But give the guy some props for an outstanding career wearing the red white and blue.

#RE10PECT

Cavs

Bottlegate Exclusive: Watch Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love freestyle rap in Brazil

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Wait a second. Did Bottlegate just get an exclusive? A reader sent in some video of Kyrie and K-Love rapping, we put a track over it, and VOILA- Billboard #1 single.

Love it. Uncle Drew and Wes together spitting hot fire in the back of a cab in Brazil. Get LeBron in there and you have the most talented 3 man vocal group in the eastern hemisphere.

20 days till the season opener.

Viral

Rule #1 of flying- Don’t sneeze and then tell people you were just in West Africa

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Good God, dude. Sneezing and then telling people you were in West Africa in 2014 is the equivalent of yelling “BOMB” on a plane in 2001. Have you turned on the TV at all in the past couple weeks or so? The only thing that’s ever mentioned on every news station is Ebola. Ebola this, Ebola that. The whole nation is walking on pins and needles in fear of this epidemic wiping out the population and you’re sitting in Seat 9A cracking jokes like you’re Richard Fucking Pryor. “HAHAHA let’s joke about a disease that has already wiped out thousands of people in Africa and is now confirmed in the U.S. HEHEHE!!!”

From the person who took the video:

Once we landed in Punta Cana we were told by the flight attendants that there was a situation and that a passenger may have been in Africa and had Ebola. She was certain it was a hoax but they did not take any chances and had a full hazmat crew board the plane and take the passenger off. It was later confirmed that the passenger was never in Africa and after 2hrs we were finally able to get off the plane.

This sucks for the people who just landed in Punta Cana though. You want to go enjoy your vacation and frolic on the beach but you’re stuck on an airport runway (probably next to someone’s annoying kids) for 2 hours because some asshole thought he was hilarious. No punishment is too harsh for this bozo.

Cleveland