The Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award is a thing, Indians pitching staff is nominated

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From the American Mustace Institute:

“The Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Award recognizes the person who best-represents or contributes to the Mustached American community during the prior year, and is named in honor of the late and legendary performer Robert Goulet, whose voice, trademark mustache, sense of humor, and black leather jackets represented a quadruple-threat of talent the American Mustache Institute is proud to salute.”

“Led by Cy Young hopeful Corey Kluber as well as the proprietor of one of the most impressive names in baseball history – Lonnie Chisenhall – the Cleveland Indians vastly exceeded expectations after adopting what is considered to be the most mustache-friendly clubhouse policy in professional baseball. The pitching staff’s collection of sturdy lower nose units lifted their entire team’s prospects to near-playoff capacity and created a broad level of handsomeness not seen since Debra Winger left to pursue her Hollywood dreams.”

Never have I ever gone from not knowing something existed to needing something to survive so quickly. If we’re being honest, it’s a Pulitzer, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, maybe an Olympic gold and the Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award. Everything else may as well be a participation ribbon. Past winners include retired New York City policeman Tim Galvin (guess what his nickname was? Hint: it was The Stache), Orlando firefighter Brian Sheets and former Indians pitcher John Axford, which is kind of a bummer but w/e. When Pittsburgh native Adam Paul Causgrove received his award in 2012, he was understandably emotional.

“This is the single greatest moment of my life, and that’s not an exaggeration,” he exclaimed with glee. “I’m very proud to be representing Mustached Americans (you’re goddamn right that’s a proper noun) both across our great country and abroad to inferior nations.”

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Aaron, if I do say so myself, that’s the single greatest quote I’ve ever fucking read.

How it was only the pitching staff that was nominated when Jason Kipnis, Lonnie Chisenhall and Mike Aviles had some of the most mesmerizing dirt squirrels on the club is beyond me, but I digress.

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T.J. House was the clubhouse leader in facial hair and to be honest it wasn’t even close.

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Corey Kluber did it all on the mound for the Tribe this year, so why wouldn’t his facial hair do it all for his face?

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Danny Salazar gave it the old college try.

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Tyler Holt gives it all he’s got defensively and mustachively.

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Your team needs you, Cleveland. Head over to the American Mustache Institute website and vote the Cleveland Indians Pitching Staff for the 2014 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award.

2014 Wahoo Review: Part 2

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  • We traded our ace
  • Our young gun who started our only playoff game last year was sent to AAA after a month and a half
  • Another starter was moved to the pen after giving up 17 earned runs in his first 4 starts
  • A fourth starter made almost as many starts in AAA as he did in the majors

 

  • We had the best starting pitching in baseball in the second half
  • We had the third best starting pitching in baseball for the entire year

 

If that doesn’t convince you that Mickey Callaway is a fucking sorcerer, I don’t know what will.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen anything like the transformation the Tribe rotation underwent in 2014 in my entire life. My father, who has been writing about the team for longer than my entire life, said the same thing. In March and April, Tribe starters posted a 4.82 ERA, just shy (27th in the majors) of league leading Atlanta (2.32). May was a bit kinder, as their ERA shrunk to 4.41 allowing them to climb to 24th in the bigs. June, 4.14 (24th). July, 4.32 (25th).

August? Fucking 2.57. 2.57! More than a run and a half better than any previous month, and almost a half run better than the second best staff in August. How? It certainly had something to do with Carlos Carrasco’s return to the rotation on August 10th (again, how?). He ended up posting a 1.82 ERA, 29/4 K/BB ratio and allowed batters to hit just .179 during the month.

September’s ERA ballooned to 2.79. So after posting five consecutive months of 4+ ERAs, the Tribe rattles off two sub 3’s.

Oh also they set the major league record for strikeouts in a season.

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STARTERS

Just remarkable. Of the five starters that began the year in the rotation, one was traded (Masterson) one was bad (McAllister), one was bad then good (Salazar) and one was bad then good in the bullpen then unfuckingbelievable (Carrasco).

Kluber was the only one to go through the year unscathed and he’s going to win the Cy Young so that’s cool. If you’re going to talk about the Indians pitching it obviously starts right here. A lot of his success this year was due to what pitches he was throwing. In 2013 he threw just a normal four-seam fastball 24.1% of the time, his two-seam sinker 29.1%, his slider 25.1% and his curveball 12.4%. Compare that to this year. He threw his sinker nearly 50% of the time. Using a pitch that moves as much as his sinker does essentially as a fastball makes things much harder on hitters. Even if he accidentally grooves one, unlike a flat four-seamer, it is still difficult to hit and even more difficult to hit well. He also threw his slider and curveball more, leaving the four seam and changeup virtually out of the equation. According to FanGraphs, his curveball was the best in the majors this season, saving an average of 3.94 runs per 100 times thrown. Second place was Henderson Alvarez of the Marlins, more than a run and a half behind.

Carlos Carrasco had a couple silver bullets in his revolver as well. By that same runs saved/100 pitches thrown statistic, Carrasco had the second best slider and 6th best changeup in all of baseball in the second half. That’s the same slider he went from throwing 8.6% of the time in 2013 to 22.1% in 2014.

Callaway and Francona do an unbelievable job of seeing talent behind bad numbers, which is why I’m still optimistic about Trevor Bauer. For all the trials and tribulations he’s been through so far in Cleveland, he’s still 23 years old. Kluber and Carrasco were both just putting their talent into the wrong pitches. Bauer could possibly have the dirtiest raw stuff out of all three. He’ll be just fine. Salazar is in that same boat, only a year older.

How have I gone 630 words without mentioning my boy T.J. House? Out of the 18 games he started this year, he gave up more than three earned runs 3 times. He’s not going to go out and shove for 8 or 9 innings with double digit strikeouts every time out. He’s going to keep you in the game, pitch to contact (61% ground balls) and hopefully get you a quality start. All the while sporting stirrups and one of the hardest ‘staches in the game. Ps he’s our only lefty.

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THE PEN

 Cody Allen – 76 appearances

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Scott Atchison – 70 appearances

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Bryan Shaw – 80 appearances

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Mark Rzepczynski also had 73 appearances and yes I googled “left handed horse”. These four together helped the Indians become the first team in American League history have four pitchers with 70+ appearances. Allen tied for third in the league in games. Shaw was first and set the Indians single season record. Tito set the American League record for calls to the bullpen in a season. Phew.

They pitched a lot. But all four were very effective. Allen became the closer we all knew he could be when the John Axford experiment blew up in our faces. The team even signed the 38-year-old Atchison to a one year deal with an option for two. CC Lee, Nick Hagadone and a handful of others got in on the action as well. Who knows what the future of Scrabble will be with the emergence of Kyle Crockett.

Kyle Crockett

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Once again the Bullpen Mafia was consistently one of the strongest aspects of the club over the course of the season. Tito can never have enough pitching, though, and I expect him to aggressively look to make a good thing even better this winter.

The final part of the 2014 Wahoo Review will come at the end of the week and will look forward to the winter and 2015 season. Keep a look out for it, and also head over to the brand new clevelandsportscentral.com and poke around a bit. CSC and Bottlegate are going to be playing together in the future.

And Happy Birthday, Mike.

KEEP THE CHIEF

Michigan students rally to demand their AD be fired and it’s the cutest thing ever

https://twitter.com/AceAnbender/status/517082555682914304

PRICELESS! Fucking priceless. The winningest college program in American history has been reduced to this. Their coach is a fat blubbering idiot who inserts concussed players to take snaps under center. Their AD is an incompetent moron who hired the fat blubbering idiot coach over some guy named Kevin Sumlin. Seriously, Michigan turned Sumlin down in favor of hiring Brady Hoke. Let that sink in… Neither of your precious Harbaugh coaches want to take over for your island of misfit toys football team. Your esteemed school offers free football tickets if you buy a 2 liter of Coke. I’m almost starting to feel bad for Michigan. Almost.

But hey, good look with your cute little wannabe Occupy Wall Street movement protest here. It’s a real good look for all those “Michigan Men” out there.

View image on Twitter

Best sign of the whole thing

Shut up, kid. This is about football.

59 days till The Game.

PS- Didn’t Michigan’s basketball team just make the championship game 2 years ago? But yeah, let’s rally to fire the AD and NOT the coach of the football team. Makes sense. Makes perfect sense.

Cleveland