Cleveland Craigslist Missed Connections Is Back With A Vengeance

We are back! WE ARE BACCCCKKKK

After a year long hiatus (seriously, haven’t done one of these since 2015) everyone’s favorite Bottlegate feature is back. In this edition we get downright greasy and weird and the fine posters of Craigslist do not disappoint.

Let’s go

1

Whoever declared chivalry as “dead” has never read the words “you even did that pull ’em outta your butt girl thing”


2

Seeing as this lady works as a cashier at a grocery store, “some of that pie” could mean two things.


3

I’ve found him, people. I’ve found the most self absorbed biggest douche in Cleveland. Fuck this guy. Bro, you’re 32, not exactly a “younger guy.” I’m sure all the married women wandering the grocery store just can’t wait to get home to check the missed connections and see if that stallion they saw in the frozen foods aisle posted something new. Fuck you and everyone you know.


4

Tremont, eh? No doubt it was some hipster who doesn’t possess the verbal skills to say words when he’s out in a social setting. I guess that’s just how he rolls.


5

Hairy lips? Sugar Daddy? 60 years old? Color me intrigued.


7

Shoutout to this dude for using the word “tantalizing.” That’s the biggest word I’ve ever seen used in the “missed connections” section.


8

A+ use of visuals.


9

LADDDIIIEEESSSS! Love his s2r (send to receive for you n00bs out there) game. Just know he’s not fat. Nope, definitely not fat.


10

OK.

  1. Why did Ryan need lifted out of bed?
  2. Why was Ryan being lifted out of bed by someone that wasn’t her boyfriend?
  3. Where was Ryan’s boyfriend and what was he doing that he couldn’t do the lifting?
  4. Why doesn’t this dude just ask his friend where Ryan and what her number is instead of posting on a website of anonymous creepy people?

12

This is the dumbest post I’ve ever seen.


13

Alright you fucking weirdos. Go back to your Fifty Shades of Grey fantasy novels and leave the Internet please.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to what she did and what her punishment will be though.


6

11

These were 2 different entries posted 2 weeks apart from each other. I’m sensing a pattern here, I think. 50 years old. Plays the quick hit slots at the Hard Rock Rocksino. Always includes a map of where the Rocksino is for some reason…

WHAT THE FUCK, MAN. Every attractive girl this guys sees he goes home and dedicates a missed connection post to them. I speak in hyperbole a lot on here but this really might be the creepiest thing I’ve seen this year.

So if you’re at the Rocksino on St. Patty’s Day look out for a weird 50 year old playing the quick hit slots and staring at every woman that walks by him. And if you do see him just know that he’s sitting at the slots by himself fantasizing about licking butts.

 

 

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