This photo taken Sunday, Sept. 14, 2014, in Oxford, Ohio, by police officer Matt Hatfield and provided by the Oxford police department, shows a skunk with it’s head stuck in a beer can near a fraternity house at Miami (Ohio) University. An animal control officer was able to free and release the skunk without being sprayed. (AP Photo/Oxford Police Department, Matt Hatfield)
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Damn, man. Such a sad story. No one ever likes to see someone suffering like this. It’s tragic really…. And by tragic I’m 100% referring to the skunk being forced to drink a Miller Lite. Since this happened on a college campus is this considered hazing? Can we get a fraternity banned from Miami U for this? Someone needs to answer some questions here. Was this the skunk’s doing? C’mon Pepé Le Pew, no one drinks Miller Lite nowadays on their own terms. At least be a man about it and order a Budweiser, Stinky.
Now I don’t want to laugh at this because I almost feel sorry for the the animal. But in my lifetime I’ve had terrible luck with skunks. In high school my dog got sprayed while I was getting ready for school. Somehow the stink got transferred to me. Long story short I walked into school that day and immediately stunk up the ENTIRE school. When I say entire school, I mean the entire school. Every class I went to I had to sit by an open window. Had to go home after 3 periods because I stunk so bad. I was a freshman. It was traumatizing. So forgive me if I have no sympathy for some stupid skunk being stupid and getting its stupid head stuck in a stupid Miller Lite can.
This gives a whole new meaning to the term “drunk as a skunk.” (Darren Rovell would love that joke)
The Indians struggle with attendance has been pretty well documented. So far this season they’ve tricked an average of 18,386 fans per game to come to Progressive Field. That puts us 29th in the league, not even a thousand fans above the Tampa Bay Rays.
Let’s put that number into perspective. The Charlotte Knights, AAA affiliate of the Chicago White Sox, led the International League in attendance this past season with an average of 9,686 fans. More than half of what a major league baseball team fighting to make the playoffs is drawing. The Minnesota Lynx traveled to Indiana to square off against the Fever in the WNBA playoffs in 2012. That game was played in front of 18,165 fans. That’s just 221 less fans than you would find on an average night watching a major league baseball team fight for a playoff berth in Cleveland. America hates soccer right? The Vancouver Whitecaps, currently in sixth place out of nine teams in the Western Conference of the MLS with a record of 8 wins, 8 losses and 13 ties, averages 20,413 fans. A .500 soccer team in Canada draws over 2,000 more fans than a MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM FIGHTING TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS, CLEVELAND. Am I the only one who is utterly fucking embarrassed by that? Our city always talks about how awesome our fans are, how we live and die for our teams and how we’re the best fans in the country. A FUCKING BELOW AVERAGE SOCCER TEAM can get more fans to come to their games than the Cleveland Indians. We had a regime change last year that immediately resulted in a playoff berth. This season has been up and down, but P fucking S we can still make the playoffs if we win out, probably even if we lose one game too.
We made the playoffs last year, could make them again this year and we’re 29th out of 30 teams in attendance. What does the club have to do to get these lauded “Cleveland fans” to the ballpark? We’re never going to be the Yankees, Red Sox or Dodgers. We’re not going to be able to buy in to the playoffs. We’ll be lucky to make it three or four times in any given decade. But that time is here. We have the best right handed pitcher in baseball right now. We’ve got a core of young guys locked up for a little while. We have one of the best minds in baseball as our manager. And we’re averaging 18,000 fans a game. I’m sick of hearing about how the front office doesn’t know what they’re doing, how we should have done this or could have done that. Regardless of how you feel about the Dolans or Mark Shapiro or even Chris Antonetti, we’re in the hunt for the second year in a row. Quit making excuses, look yourselves in the mirror and admit that the majority of people here that call themselves Indians fans, well, just aren’t right now. They might have been at one time, and by one time I mean in the late 90’s when we were perennial World Series contenders, but they’re not anymore. They are sitting at home feeling sorry for themselves, sad that they are put through this year in and year out. Wait, what? Put through two September playoff pushes in a row? Those excuses don’t work anymore, guys. The only reason not to be going to games and rooting for this team is that you weren’t a fan in the first place, or you’re just fucking lazy.
Cleveland is a special city. Can you imagine what it’s going to be like when the Browns are staring the playoffs in the face later this year? Or when LeBron brings the Cavs right back to the NBA Finals in his first year back home? It’s going to be absolute pandemonium, and I can’t wait. But for the love of God, until then, pay some attention to the team that is clawing to play October baseball for the second year in a row. If you’re around, get in your car, go to a few games this week, order some beers and scream your fucking head off. They deserve it.
3 games played. 3 games decided by last second field goals. I don’t know if my poor heart can handle any more games that come down to the last second. I think the most frustrating thing is that just when you think your team is turning the corner, they just. can’t. do. it… Special teams. Run defense. Penalties. The 4th quarter. The same ol Browns snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
A couple quick thoughts-
-2 missed field goals (1 blocked). Make one of those and you force Baltimore to have to score a touchdown on that last drive. The right side of our field goal unit is struggling. Go back and look at Billy Cundiff’s game winner against the Saints and you’ll see it was dangerously close to being blocked.
-Travis Benjamin should not be allowed to return punts anymore. Everyone can see he’s afraid of getting hurt. How do you not fair catch a ball that lands at the freaking 23 yard line? It’s pathetic. Put Marlon Moore or Jim Leonhard back there. Have Benjamin be our deep ball threat and that’s it.
-Why stop throwing to Jordan Cameron? In the fourth quarter why wouldn’t you ride your best offensive player?
-Andrew Hawkins continues to impress me. Guy is such a waterbug.
-The Browns defense made Lorenzo Taliaferro look like Adrian Peterson. So far this season the Browns have faced some pretty average to subpar rushing attacks. Imagine what’ll happen when they face a team who has a good running game.
-How many times can one team be called for “12 men in the huddle?”
-Would it hurt to run a screen pass with our running backs?
-After 3 games I’ve yet to see Donte Whitner make an impact play.
-So far Joe Haden has not been worth his big contract that he was awarded this offseason. Big time cornerbacks don’t get beat like that late in games…
Let’s look at the game tape:
The day started off with Josh Gordon waking up and Instagramming a picture that said “My gawd that yellow thing comes to the same spot every damn day.. ☀️” Hey Josh that yellow thing is the sun, dude. Duh!
Sidenote: When I was a kid I would use those little Hug juice things in my cereal instead of milk. That’s why I turned out the way I am.
These fans brought the LOLs starting right at kickoff. Real original, guys.
The best Isaiah Crowell song ever was written. CAW CAW CAW
There were a lot of Lebron touchdown celebrations
Johnny came off the field after this handoff
Coaches were pissed at him
But wait, it’s a fake!
Kyle Shanahan and Johnny deserve an Oscar for this performance
MAN”S STIFF ARM!!
But the 36 yard reception was wiped out by an illegal shift by Terrance West. Idiot. This play was being developed for 2 weeks and it’s ruined by a stupid penalty. So Browns.
A couple fans saluted the Ravens. Cleveland always has practiced good sportsmanship.
And Tha Crow showed why he should be the every down back
Helluva block by Cameron
Miles Austin showed he still has some gas left in the tank
Thought the game was over when Tashaun Gibson picked off Joe Flacco
But Cundiff doinked it… Do we need a new long snapper?
If Taylor Gabriel doesn’t fall down here, it’s an easy 6 and the Browns win. Sigh.
This was NOT a penalty. Hoyer was CLEARLY behind the line…
eh…
The Browns were ready to put the game away late in the fourth. A couple of first downs and this would move the Browns to 2-1 going into the bye week. So when big time players make big time plays in big time games the Browns did this:
The Browns last two drives covered 47 seconds and 14 seconds, respectively. In a one-point game.
Wonder what this guy’s postgame remedy consists of?
Johnny Manziel’s sister was not happy. I’m sure no one in the media will mention this.
I don’t think Meri and I watched the same game
Game Balls: Brian Hoyer, Andrew Hawkins, Tashaun Gipson
Alright. So we’re 1-2 and our 2 losses have come from last second field goals. We could easily be 3-0 but at the same time could easily be 0-3. The hardest part of the schedule is over so there’s no choice but to look ahead to the next few games…. And they’re all very very winnable. If we’re not at least 4-4 after the Buccaneers game then we have a real problem.
It’s not all bad news however…
(press play and let the music build at least 20 seconds before you keep scrolling)
Fear not Cleveland. Through the hallowed depths of the Muni Lot pavement rose a figure from the ashes. Half man, half bottle of whiskey. A little puffy and very inebriated. A hero. Not the hero we deserved, but a hero we needed… Nothing less than a knight. Shining… We’ll hunt him. We’ll condemn him. Set the dogs on him.
Because that’s what needs to happen.
Because he’s the hero Cleveland deserves. But not the one it needs right now.
So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it.
Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. The Drunk Johnny Fan.
Bottlegate 