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Pt 2 of Bottlegate’s 2014 Cleveland Browns Season Preview- Awards and Superlatives

September 6, 2014 Mike 1 Comment

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the “Brownies”, get it? Kinda like “Grammys.” Ha! …Please dont X out.

Now introducing your 2014 winners.

PRESEASON AWARDS AND HONORS

Most improved (defense)– Armonty Bryant and Barkevious Mingo. If preseason was any sort of indication, these two 2013 picks are poised for breakout seasons. I truly belive that both of them will end up with double digit sack totals.

Most Improved (offense)– Jordan Cameron. “Wait but Mike, wasn’t Jordan Cameron a pro bowler last year?” Yes. He was. But the first couple of weeks he went bananas and surprised all of us. The combination of defenses recognizing his ability and soul-less Brandon Weeden throwing him the ball hindered the second part of his season. Expect Jordan to put together a strong, full season.

Most underrated (defense)– Karlos Dansby. The self proclaimed “best linebacker in the NFL” is going to have to step up big if this defensive unit wants to be one of the best in the league. Dansby is the anchor of the front seven. He may not blow you away with his stats, but the defense runs through him.

Most underrated (offense)– Joel Bitonio. Bitonio was drafted to fill the void of the left guard spot. He is the missing link that will allow the left side of the offensive line to be one of this team’s strengths.

Defensive Player of the Year– Joe Haden. After Josh Gordon, Joe Haden is the most talented player on the team. He’ll earn that big contact this year and expect him to be back in the pro bowl.

Offensive Player of the Year– Ben Tate. With a decimated receiving corps, look for the Browns to run. A lot. This means carry after carry for Ben Tate who has looked the part of a #1 back during the preseason. He’s the workhorse back that thrives in Kyle Shanahan’s offense.

MVP (Excluding Joe Thomas)– Ben Tate. If this team has ANY chance of winning, it will have to depend on Tate. Barring injury, Tate has a big year and is the best running back the Browns have trotted out since 1999.

PRESEASON SUPERLATIVES

Player most likely to get thrown out of a game for fighting:

Winner: Phil Taylor. RIP to the other guy.

Player most likely to pass out because he was too hyped up for player introductions

Winner: Joe Haden. Plays with the most emotion and passion on the team. I’m legit worried he’ll get dizzy running out of the tunnel vs. the Saints.

Player most likely to singlehandedly cost us a game (besides quarterbacks)

Winner: Mitchell Schwartz. OLE!

First player to jump into the Dawg Pound

Winner: Ben Tate

Class Clown

Winner: Alex Mack. No rhyme or reason to this one, he just seems like the type of goofball to pull pranks on rookies or rub Icy Hot in a teammates jock strap.

First player to hit the Shmoney Dance

Winner: Terrance West

Player most likely to be fined for an illegal hit on defense

Winner: Donte Whitner. No brainer here. He might actually be trying to murder Antonio Brown the first game.

Best Hair

Winner: Travis Benjamin. Just fantastic lettuce.

Best Looking

Winner: Jordan Cameron. Best looking guy in the league bar none. Expect a future Bottlegate post expressing my man crush on him.

Most exciting player

Winner: Johnny Manziel. The only thing more electric than his play on the field is when him and I became best friends for life at the Barley House.

If anyone was wondering, I just brushed shoulders with @JManziel2 at Barley House. Couldnt react though, had to act like I'd been there b4.

— Bottlegate Mike (@MikeRJohanns) August 31, 2014

Fan of the year

Winner: Pumpkinhead. This dude eats, sleeps, and breathes Cleveland Browns football. Love him. Anyone who can remain this optimistic after all the shit sandwiches Browns fans have eaten over the years deserves a freaking Nobel Peace Prize.

This guy below was runner up

Most likely to shit on the field

Winner: Swagger.

Runner-Up: Alex Mack. I don’t know, he’s the class clown and just kinda reminds me of a guy who would poop on the field and find it hilarious. I like those types of guys. You win with those guys.

And those are your winners, folks. Check back tomorrow for the Bottlegate Browns Preview Part 3- Gambling and Season Predictions.

You can view Part 1 HERE

Browns, Cleveland

Part 1 of Bottlegate’s 2014 Cleveland Browns Preview

September 5, 2014 Mike Leave a comment

It’s football time again in Northeast Ohio. The best time of the year. There’s no better feeling than waking up Sunday morning a little hungover and knowing your next 14 hours will be consumed by NFL Football. If you’re lucky enough to be tailgating in the Muni Lot, you live for Sunday home games. Waking up at 5 AM and making your way down Rt. 2 to the Shoreway is your Super Bowl. Your mindset is completely different during football season. For me I need to consume everything in my path whether it be beer, pizza, chicken wings, or Fireball. That’s why there’s always the inevitable 10-12 pound weight gain you’ll see from the months of September to January. But thats OK though, you’ll need that extra flub to handle the cold when tailgating right next to Lake Erie. If you think about it, it’s actually just a safety precaution. You(I) need that added insulation and warmth so you don’t catch a cold (is what I tell myself).

I for one am ecstatic that the offseason is coming to an end. No more training camp QB battles, no more reports of players innocently going to Vegas to enjoy their offseason, no more reports of owners going to prison, no more debate over suspensions because of secondhand smoke, no more radio and TV guys dropping hot take after hot in regards to your rookie quarterback. No more bullshit, no more draft talk, no more wondering about players on the bubble of making the team. It’s the first game of the year vs. your “rival.” It’s time to nut up or shut up.

The Browns enter the 2014 season amid a rocky (understatement) offseason and training camp. With the exhaustive coverage given to Johnny Manziel’s excursions, the Josh Gordon suspension (IF the suspension holds up), the inability to score touchdowns in preseason, and the subpar defensive showings; this season is full of uncertainty but also tons of enthusiasm and optimism. In the first post of this inaugural Bottlegate Season Preview, I’l give you an abridged roster breakdown. Parts 2 and 3 deal with preseason superlatives and awards, predictions, and gambling advice. You won’t find a preview like this anywhere else, I can promise you that.

The road to the Vince Lombardi Trophy starts now.

There weren’t a lot of hype videos to choose from. Be better, Cleveland.

OFFSEASON MOVES

ADDITIONS- The team added RB Ben Tate, WR Andrew Hawkins, WR Miles Austin, and S Donte Whitner. They took CB Justin Gilbert, QB Johnny Manziel, OL Joel Bitonio, LB Chris Kirksey, RB Terrance West, and CB Pierre Desir in the NFL Draft.

LOSSES- QB Brandon Weeden, QB Jason Campbell, WR Davone Bess, G Shawn Lauvao, G Oniel Cousins, ILB D’Qwell Jackson, CB Chris Owens and S T.J. Ward… and maybe Josh Gordon.

ROSTER BREAKDOWN

I’m not going to bore you with positional breakdowns and analysis but a couple things stood out to me when this was released Tuesday.

It’s the most Browns thing ever to release a depth chart and have a player who’s not on the team anymore as your 3rd running back (Dion Lewis) Whoops!
I had no idea Justin Gilbert was the backup kick returner. I wonder if they’ll play him on the kickoff and punt teams too
There’s only 2 players left from our 2013 draft. A first round pick (Mingo) and a 7th round pick (A. Bryant). Thanks Mike and Joe!
I’m not looking forward to our 4 wide receiver set when it’s 3rd and 23 vs Pittsburgh. Yikes. Nate Burleson would’ve absolutely helped out this receiver group.
How is Chris Kirksey going to back up Craig Robertson when he’s only 1 foot tall ?
When Desmond Bryant gets healthy, I LOVE our ability to rotate on the defensive line
Travis Benjamin is our highest drafted Wide Receiver… He was drafted in the FOURTH round.
After his breakout preseaon game, I’m intrigued to see if Isaiah Crowell sees the field at all.
Will Johnny have his own special package? And will it be that Wildcat bullshit or real offensive play calls?

Stay tuned. Part 2 of the Bottlegate preview drops Saturday and will have preseason awards and superlatives. Gambling and Season Predictions will be in Part 3 on Sunday.

Browns

Remember when Josh Gordon was going to be a car salesman? Yeah, he might be reinstated to play soon.

September 4, 2014 Mike Leave a comment

Pro Football Talk– Broncos receiver Wes Welker is suspended for the first four games of the season, and Browns receiver Josh Gordon is suspended for the entire season. Both players have already appealed, and lost.

And yet there’s a chance that both players could still see their suspensions reduced.

As Mike Florio reported on NBC, Welker, Gordon and potentially other players in the midst of suspensions could benefit from a new drug testing policy that the owners and players could agree upon soon.

Another change is that the threshold to trigger a positive result on a marijuana test would rise. That would affect Gordon because his positive marijuana test was just barely above the NFL’s current threshold for a positive, which is significantly lower than the threshold for other organizations like the World Anti-Doping Agency.

If the NFL changes its policy and agrees to apply it retroactively to players who tested positive this year, Welker and Gordon would benefit. Which means that while the players’ union is stopping short of saying an agreement is very close, Welker and Gordon would be wise to call their union representatives and urge them to get the deal done, and get it done soon.

Get Drew Rosenhaus on the blower right now! Let’s get this damn deal done. Look out AFC North #12 is about to run wild on your asses. THE PETITION WORKED! Can’t Nobody Hold Josh down. Someone just hand us the Vince Lombardi Trophy right now. My preseason prediction just went from 10-6 to 12-4.

NOW DJ, PLAY ME OUT!!