Tag Archives: featured

Bottlegate’s Cavaliers Drinking Game; Eastern Conference Finals Edition

We’re back. As big a hit as our 2015 regular season drinking game was (it wasn’t really a hit, people probably died. Read my experience here) we thought what better way to watch these Eastern Conference Finals games than following along with a set of rules designed to get you blackout drunk.

You’ll find that a lot of the guidelines are similar with some changes here and there

THE RULES

1 Healthy Gulp

  • Kyrie Irving assist
  • Kyle Korver misses a 3
  • Any dunk by anyone not named LeBron (both teams)
  • For each Cavs player handshake you see. This includes pregame intros.
  • When you think to yourself how bad Al Horford’s shirt under his jersey looks
  • A telecast mentions Delly’s toughness or grit
  • A JR Smith stepback 3 pointer (make or miss)
  • Iman Shumpert gets a steal or rebound

 2 Gulps

  • LeBron James dunk
  • Every time you see someone on Twitter mention how dumb Dennis Schroder’s hair looks
  • JR Smith 3 pointer
  • Buzzer beater end of 1st or 3rd quarter
  • When Tristan Thompson grabs an offensive rebound and then throws down a dunk right after
  • The telecast shows a shot outside of the Q or anywhere in Cleveland
  • Cavs or Hawks build a 15 point lead
  • Reggie Miller or Chris Webber reference their playing days
  • Someone mentions JR Smith and Iman Shumpert’s time on the Knicks
  • TNT shows a graphic with all of the Cavaliers injuries throughout the playoffs
  • When Delly throws a “Delly-Oop”

5 Gulps

  • Each time you want to blow your brains out hearing Chris Webber and Reggie Miller talk (JK you’ll be dead by the end of the 1st quarter)
  • After James Jones nails a 3
  • Kendrick Perkins commits a foul
  • Buzzer beater before halftime/end of game (each team)
  • Anytime someone on the Cavs gets an “And 1″
  • Mike Miller is the first one off the bench to high five the players in the game when a timeout is taken
  • Cavs or Hawks build a 20 point lead
  • Mozgov drops a pass that hits him directly in the hands
  • The TNT telecast reference how the Hawks and Spurs are similar

Finish your drink

  • Coach Blatt gets a technical called on him
  • When LeBron does his whole thing where you think he’s dead and will never walk again then is fine 2 minutes later (O hi there Demarre Carroll)
  • Brendan Haywood & Kendrick Perkins are on the court at the same time
  • The game goes to overtime

Shotgun/Beer bong/Full beer chug

  • JR Smith crotch grab
  • Game winning shot (either team)
  • A Cavs player records a triple double
  • A Cavs players scores 50+ points

Finish a whole six pack and meet me at the I480 Bridge to jump 

  • David Blatt calls a timeout that he doesn’t have

Merry drinking, everybody

 

 

 

 

Cavs v Hawks Thursday Game Tape; God bless JR Smith.

Well then. That was fun. That’s something I really enjoyed. I could get used to that. Winning playoff games is pretty fun.

The Cavs shook off some first quarter rust, went to halftime tied, then took off in the second half and never looked back. LeBron had his normal ho hum 31, 8, & 6; Tristan and Mozgov each had a double-double; Kyrie the gimp added 10; and JR was on fucking fire hitting every single 3 pointer imaginable to the tune of 28 points and the Cavs won their first game 1 road playoff game in team history.

Let’s look at the game tape

cleatlbox1 cleatlstats1

In pregame Mike Miller knew he probably wouldn’t play so he decided to shoot threes and not miss

Delly! Whoops!

LeBron stepped on a cameraman’s foot and there’s a good chance we never hear from that cameraman again

Something happened in the second half. That something was JR Smith.

Bad moment here with Demarre Carroll’s knee. Hopefully he comes back this series.

The Cavs built a big lead, LeBron dicked around in the 4th quarter, the Hawks got it close, and then LeBron did this

And Kyle Korver did what we all would have done in that situation

Couple quick thoughts:

– JR Smith. Damn you JR Smith.

Keep shooting you beautiful bastard! psst he was also shutting down Kyle Korver & Paul Millsap.

-Tristan Thompson played 42 minutes last night which was more than other player on either team. Tristan Thompson had the most minutes played in an Eastern Conference Finals game. Just let that sink in. This man is getting PAID this summer.

– The real MVP of the game was this beautiful haired and bright eyed hooligan

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– Delly really followed up all that good pub from game 6 in Chicago, huh? With Kyrie out, we’ll need him to play somewhere in the middle of last night’s game (0 points) and game 6 in Chicago (19 points)

– The loss of Demarre Carroll really really hurts the Hawks.

– Why was Paul Millsap checking LeBron at halfcourt? Bro, don’t try and be a superhero.

https://twitter.com/TheCauldron/status/601222310071246848

– I’m not addressing whatever the fuck LeBron was doing in that stretch of the fourth quarter. I don’t know what it was but I don’t think he’ll be pulling that again.

– Man how nice was it actually watching basketball last night and not having to pray on Tuesday that the ping pong balls bounced our way?

– Let Dennis Schroder shoot elbow jumpers ALL GAME LONG.

– Our bench played alright and notched 28 points in the game. JR Smith came off the bench and scored 28 points. JR Smith was our only bench player to score.

– Jeff Teague is better than I thought. Clearly this is going to be the hardest match up the Cavs have to work through. With Kyrie hobbling + Teague’s speed, Coach Blatt is going to have to draw up a defense to limit Teague’s blow bys and drives to the hole.

– After 2 emotional and heated playoff series against 2 hated teams, I just can’t bring myself to hate the Hawks. There’s just nothing about them that gets my blood boiling. The good thing is that there’s at least 3 games left and this could all change.

– The Atlanta Hawks organist is the best thing about Atlanta.

– Geez. Clean it up, girl. (this is probably how I’ll be when I see Shaq Sunday night at Barley House)

– I’m not a Hammer hater like most of Cleveland but c’mon dude, you don’t have to play the negative character every second of the day. Sometimes it’s nice to sit back and enjoy great performances by your players.

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– You’d think Charles would know how to pronounce Dellavedova by now…. but NOPE!!

 – Almost put Kent Bazemore’s dunk in here. Nope. If it doesn’t make the Game Tape then it really didn’t happen.

– God bless JR Smith. God bless that man.

See you guys on Friday.

Cavs in 4.

Jk, Winning 2 Games In A Row Was Pretty Cool: Tribe Notes 5/19

https://twitter.com/g_zorb4/status/598944095294332928

https://twitter.com/lblake5/status/600059565342855169

What’s the Damage?

central5-19

Relatively speaking, the Wahoos had a good week last week. On three separate days, they had more runs than the other team by the time the game ended. Games 1 and 2 in Arlington marked the first time they did this in consecutive games since the first series of 2015 in Houston.

Unfortunately the Tribe’s scorching hot streak has gone for naught so far, as Lorde’s disciples in Kansas City went 4-3 last week and have won 6 of their last 10. All-Star closer Greg Holland is just getting back into the swing of things after a DL stint, which is a scary proposition for the opposition who already has to face a bullpen with the 7th best FIP in baseball whenever Mr. Yost picks up the phone. Also, this:

Pitching and defense, kids. Pitching and defense.

That-team-over-there-in-the-state-with-the-team-up-north took two of three from both the Twins and the Cardinals, owners of the best record in baseball, before dropping game 1 against Milwaukee last night. Miguel Cabrera decided to leave the yard for the 400th time in his career on Saturday, doing so 46 days before Hank Aaron did and bumping him up to #52 on baseball’s all-time list. Boob guy Justin Verlander threw a 45 pitch bullpen today as he inches closer and closer to returning to Detroit’s rotation, something I’m really not sure is a bad thing for the Tribe at this point in his career.

The Twins are still above .500 and I still don’t know why. Nothing lights a fire under somebody’s ass like facing the Indians, and 39-year-old Torii Hunter is still smoldering since he came to the Prog last Friday:  .367 AVG, 2 2B, 3 HR & 7 RBI. Second-baseman Brian Dozier seems to be heating up after a slow start too but I’m not looking up the stats for you guys.

And that leaves the White Sox, who are actually the hottest team in the division right now. Last night’s walk-off win brought their win streak up to 6 (I honestly didn’t know those could go that high). Jose Abreu, who captains the team of players I think are going to hit a moonshot every time they enter the box, has been their catalyst and is riding a 12-game hitting streak himself. Outfielder Avisail Garcia has as many hits as Matt Underwood has pronunciations of his name, and currently sits 4th in the AL in batting average (.338).

underwood

In Other News

  • I’m afraid to write anything about Corey Kluber because he honestly scares me now so here’s some tweets:

I mean are you KIDDING ME? Your pitcher hasn’t given up a hit, has probably 15 strikeouts at this point, you haven’t been cheering all game and you decide to turn your back and try to start the most asinine cheer in all of sportsfandom. I will forever loathe section 180 at Progressive Field.

  • Jason Kipnis and Michael Brantley’s hot streaks have been well documented, so I’m not going to do any more documentation. Here’s where they both stand now in the American League:
    • AVG – Brantley .336 (5th), Kipnis .333 (8th)
    • OBP – Brantley .416 (3rd), Kipnis .399 (8th)
    • wOBA – Brantley .412 (4th), Kipnis .390 (12th)
    • K% – Brantley 5.8% (1st), Kipnis 12.1% (17th)

*Denotes absurd statistic 

  • I’m just gonna leave this here…..

Things Francisco Lindor couldn’t fix:

1. The bullpen

2. Outfield, third base, second base, first base, catcher, pitcher defense

3. Giving up runs in the following half inning after scoring

4. Playing in the toughest division in baseball

5. Yan Gomes’ knee

 

 

KEEP THE CHIEF