This was Cavs sideline reporter Allie Clifton’s tweet last night before the Cavs-Bulls preseason game.

The incident in question

And this was Yahoo Sports Kelly Dwyer’s headline about it

Which prompted me to drunkenly tweet at him late Saturday night/early Sunday morning while in the Taco Bell drive thru line at Mount Union. (homecoming weekend, sup?)

Related: This is Kelly Dwyer. Seems like a neat dude, right?

Let me preface this by saying Kelly Dwyer is a pretty decent NBA write for Yahoo Sports, I’ve been reading his stuff for years. But the column he wrote over the weekend on Tristan Thompson was a complete joke. If you haven’t read his column do yourself a favor and….. and don’t read it. Don’t give him the luxury of getting the page views. I’m not linking to it (it’s in the tweet, whatever). But here are the excerpts (my responses in bold):

-Tristan Thompson scored 17 points and added 11 rebounds with no turnovers in nearly 30 minutes of action on Friday night. The Cavaliers big man returned to the power forward position and was probably the team’s best player in its 108-102 exhibition loss to the Dallas Mavericks at home. Prior to the contest, FOX Sports sideline reporter Allie Clifton attempted to discuss as much with Thompson, who responded by disgusting us as much as humanly possible:

“Disgusting us as much as humanly possible.” Mind you this wasn’t a murder. This wasn’t a torture scene from a movie. This wasn’t the Holocaust. I’ve watched the above Vine about 15 times now and not once do I see anything disgusting about it. Did she look disgusted? Did he look disgusted? Sure it may have looked a tad uncomfortable and awkward but It was clear it was an inside joke and is a non issue. Oh, and then Allie tweeted that it was a non issue. Weird. Kelly Dwyer – 0 for 1. 

-Just because Allie Clifton remained calm and professional and kept a smile following the buss, it doesn’t mean Tristan Thompson wasn’t straight up sexually harassing her. She remained calm and professional because she is a professional – that is to say, she’s doing her [EXPLETIVE DELETED] job. Don’t kiss someone without their consent, ever, and don’t kiss someone without their consent while they’re doing their job.

Saying that was sexual harassment is offensive to every woman that has ever been sexually harassed. But don’t stop trying to turn this non story into an issue, Kells. Keep stirring that pot, bro. That’ll get you the hits on your articles. That’ll get you recognition and get people talking about you. Because make no mistake about it, this article is all about Kelly Dwyer and not Allie Clifton or Tristan Thompson.  

–This isn’t cute or funny or meme-worthy. There should be no marginalizing or rationalizing of this.

Well, it did make a good Vine. And yes there should be rationalizing. Because that’s what normal, rational people do. They don’t write takedown articles about an NBA player ACCUSING HIM OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT for something that is CLEARLY not sexual harassment. Use your brain, Kell. See with your eyes and think with your head. Take a moment before you go off an a tangent of fake outrage. 

-That could be a mortifying thing for this reporter, and Thompson couldn’t be more in the wrong. Just because you’re working with someone of the opposite sex, it doesn’t mean a sly innuendo, pat on the rear, or kiss on national television is in any way appropriate. You want to lay your uneasy flirt game on someone? Wait two hours and take it to a bar. Grow up.

Inappropriate? Sure. Childish? Most likely. Mortifying???? Ehhh. Does she look mortified? Is this the face of someone who is ‘Mortified?”

The Cavaliers and the NBA shouldn’t slough this off as a preseason giggle-fest.

STARTLING that KD hasn’t addressed Allie’s tweet yet. But he did defend himself against a fan with this charming tweet:

Hear that? On his WEEN. LOL! I tell ya, this guy…

 

And then he did the whole “make fun of your Twitter followers act.” Those people are the worst.

 

He also wants you to know that he has sex with *WOMEN* What a guy Kelly is, huh?

WOMEN!!!!!!!

 

I’m sure Tristan Thompson and Allie Clifton had a relationship off the court since, ya know every year she’s been covering the team. And I don’t need some snob Yahoo Sports writer to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be outraged by….

Bah God, well would you look at this! It’s a video of Allie interviewing Tristan last year where she “pranks” him and says she punched a sideline reporter from the Knicks who is named….. TINA (Tristan called Allie “Tina” earlier in their interview.) That’s so shocking! You mean they had inside jokes before “Kissgate” on Friday? You don’t say!

Video here because we’re idiots

 

Don’t you think as a professional journalist Kelly should have done just a TAD bit of research before he published that article? I mean, I’m a “blogger” for a local Cleveland site for Christ’s sake and I bet I’ve put about 25x more time researching and collecting info for this post than Kelly did for a major website like Yahoo Sports. 

 

However I will link to Kelly’s 2012 post of him screaming that there’s 0% chance Lebron ever comes back… because it’s the funniest thing you’ll read all day

Here’s lil Kelly’s post saying LeBron won’t come back the the Cavs!

Again, it’s another takedown piece, this time aimed at Sam Amico of Fox Sports Ohio. He basically rips Sam apart. Why he continues to write and talk down to people is beyone me. I don’t get it. The dude is consistently wrong and you can just smell his ugly smugness while you read his words on your computer screen. 

But in July of this year, Sam hit Kelly back with a haymaker and knocked his ass out. 

Hey Kelly,

 

I really wish Yahoo had the comment section to his blogs still open but I did some digging and found this GEM perfectly describing him:

““Kelly Dwyer, You may think you are a charming writer with your quirks and flourishes, but you are really just condescending, pompous, pretentious, and appear to be suffering from a god complex.  You seem to put a lot of effort into portraying a pseudo-aura of authority. You write as if you truly believe your words are gospel, yet your efforts to maintain this facade are painfully transparent.  You constantly attempt to “lay down the law,” though simultaneously you preemptively deflect criticism. Not an article goes unwritten without you once demeaning your readers.  You give the impression that you feel dramatically unrivaled in your profession, though it’s tough to imagine you ever opening up to debate.  You are a coward.”

PS- I know this post may have been all over the place but here are the main points: Don’t tell me how to feel about a certain topic. Don’t perpetuate your fake outrage onto me. Don’t sensationalize something when there’s clear video proving you wrong. Don’t make fun of people’s Twitter followers. When you look like *that* (see pic way above) don’t lie on Twitter and say you’re banging multiple “women.” 

PPS- Kelly you need to stop doing your [EXPLETIVE DELETED] shtick. You sound like a boob.