The Definitive List Of Characters You’ll See At Your Gym

So I was working out today (Trying to combat this fat blogger stereotype and be in game shape when the NBA Playoffs roll around in April) I looked around and realized that I don’t really like anyone else that’s in the gym with me. You’ve got guys doing crossfit exercises, dudes grunting, people yelling. Sometimes the gym is the worst place in the world

Now I’m not a meathead but I’ve been in plenty of gyms in my life and there’s definitely the same crowd of people that inhabit each one. You could be in a gym in New York or Wyoming and you’ll have the same types of people working out under the same roof as you.

There are probably about a billion different types of posts on the Internet about this topic but these are the people I could think of off the top of my head.

Without further ado, here are the people you’ll see the next time you hit up your local gym, YMCA, or rec center:


Crossfit guy

Alright, we get it. You went to a crossfit class once. Stop trying to do gymnastics on the pull up bar.

Sidenote: I did crossfit 4-5x a week last summer and I actually enjoyed it a lot. Just don’t become “crossfit guy”


Jacked girl

Always standing next to a spare bench with a curl bar wearing gloves. Usually in a purple tank top to show off her traps and arms and always wearing black yoga pants



Old person

All for old people getting their sweat on except when they’re just sitting there taking up a machine.


Sweaty guy

There’s always one and it’s always the guy who uses a machine before you use it. You know he was there before you by sitting in his lake of perspiration.



Usually blonde and usually walking on an incline on the treadmill. Always on her phone. Looks like she’s in her mid 20s until she puts on her high school hoodie and her parents roll up in a minivan to pick her up.


Guy who does his hair

Black dri fit beater, thin gold or silver necklace, joggers, and sometimes has a watch. Look good, feel good, work out good, or something.


Guy who takes a selfie in the mirror

“Gotta show everyone on my Snap Chat story that I’m about that #SwoleLife today!”


Black guy with huge Beats headphones

Usually at the deadlift area or doing some sort of rows/back exercises. Usually huge.


Hat guy

Not really a “gym guy” but there always a guy working out with a hat on.


The Yeller/Grunter

Alright, you benched 2 plates a few times. Stop yelling like it’s an accomplishment you weirdo.


Guy wearing a black Slayer shirt and Vans

Always has a beard and long black socks on too.


The guy who is way smaller but way stronger than you

Probably weighs 50-75 lbs less than you and is about twice as strong as you. Nothing more emasculating than this kid.


The high school kids who play sports

Seeing them just makes you angry that you’re not as good as you once were.


The guy who asks “Mind if I jump in?”

YES! I do mind! Fuck! Go do something else.


Cross country guy

Guy just chills on the treadmill running at 8mph for a cool 2 hours while you’re there slogging through a quarter mile about to pass out.


Guy who takes up 4 machines at once

Worst person on the planet. By the time he gets around to do his set you could have pumped out a few sets and moved on to another exercise.


Guy who talks

This guy is friends with EVERYONE. He’ll go up and talk to anyone about anything.


The couple

The guy and girl (usually late teens or early 20s) who work out together. He’ll try to impress her by doing lots of weight and she always spots him on the bench press.


The Bros

3-4 guys who meet up to pump iron together. Really loud and always take up too much space.


Guy with a gallon jug filled with water or pink stuff

The biggest “gym guy” move of them all. Be normal and bring a water bottle or use the water fountain like the rest of us.

Favorite guy in the world


Obviously there’s probably a lot I’m forgetting so tweet them to @Bottlegate or comment below



3 thoughts on “The Definitive List Of Characters You’ll See At Your Gym”

  1. Not bad, but missed a few: Notebook guy, dude who raps out loud, pre-game ritual guy (This guy usually does the sign of cross, kisses a necklace, points to the sky then precedes to do his 25 lb dumbbell curls).


  2. I liked the “getting in shape for the playoffs” comment. I’m in the same boat. 2 months of drinking every other night, followed by “recovery” days every other day involving Chipotle or other hangover food. Great formula for tacking on 20 in a 2 month timespan.


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