Category Archives: Browns

Browns v Bengals Monday Game Tape: I’m Only Human

Oh, the Browns played yesterday? I’m sorry I was too busy focused on this puppy

And this NBA team

And this Buckeyes team playing in the CFB Playoff January 1st vs Nick Saban and Alabama

It was a good run, boys. At 7-7 the Browns the door has all but mathematically been closed on the 2014 season

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There are 2 games left in this Browns season. A team that was at one point 6-3 has a very real chance to finish the season at 7-9. Woof. Cue the music and let’s look at the game tape:

 

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Alright, that was fun

Here is a highlight that didn’t have anything to do with the game:

Annnndddd… that’s it. Sweet game tape, huh?

 

 

Thoughts:

-HE’S A BUST!! A BUST I TELL YOU! CUT HIM! HE’S A BUST!!! Good God I hope no one listens to the callers on Cleveland sports talk radio today.

Alright, hear me out. I want you to temper your emotions and expectations for a sec and remove the name off the back of the jersey… You’re left with a barely 22 year old kid making his first NFL start as a rookie vs. a division leading team who’s fighting for their playoff lives. You mean to tell me that 22 year old kid struggled and didn’t play well? I’M SHOCKED!!!!!

Now I’m not going to sugarcoat it; Johnny played awful. It was a very underwhelming performance for a game with so much hype. But people already writing him off after ONE GAME saying he doesn’t have what it takes to make it in the NFL? Get the fuck out of here. It’s laughable really. I saw so many Twitter quarterback gurus yesterday my head almost exploded. If you took joy in seeing him struggle yesterday go take a good long hard look in the mirror.

– This team has so many flaws you can’t pin this loss on just the quarterback. When you can’t run, block, catch, throw, tackle… you can’t win.

– Josh Gordon. Where you at, man? Your first game back you showed flashes of dominance and looked like you hadn’t missed a beat. The past 3 games you’ve been a compete non-factor. Someone with those physical gifts shouldn’t disappear in games like he has. I don’t know if it’s on Josh, on the OC, or on the quarterbacks. Something isn’t right there.

– Jeremy Hill is a chump. A talented runner but an asshole. I also put him on the bench for my fantasy team. Should’ve swallowed my pride, his 27 points would’ve propelled me to the championship game. Oh well I suck again.

– When are kick returner tryouts? I think me and my 4.85 speed could make some things happen (probably more like 5.4 after 3 months of a sedentary lifestyle trying to get Bottlegate off the ground)

– Manziel, Hoyer, Montana, Favre… I don’t think any QB yesterday wins that game. The QB had the deck stacked against him from the beginning and all 21 other players did nothing to help that position out.

– That first drive was an absolute soul crusher. With the way that stadium was buzzing beforehand and all the pregame hype, Coach Pettine HAS to take the ball first.

– On the first drive the Bengals had those penalties were game changers. Especially the Mingo late hit.

– I expected to see way more rollouts from Manziel and designed QB runs. I thought they’d try to run most of their passing plays outside of the pocket. I was wrong. I wasn’t thrilled with the game Shanahan called either.

– There were 2 QBs on the field yesterday. One was the rookie Johnny Manziel. The other one was veteran Andy Dalton who just signed a six year $115 million contract. I honestly don’t know which team has a worse QB situation.

– This one hurt. A lot. I was in the Muni Lot before the game and one of my old high school teammate’s mom gave me a wad of fake money to throw after Johnny threw or ran a touchdown. The money was never thrown… The money was never thrown. (Yeah I’m a tool w/e)

– Run defense, run defense, run defense. Woof.

– Guys, Johnny was never going to come in and rescue this franchise overnight. It’s going to take time whether you want to hear it or not. He’s only one player. He’s only one man.

– I still care, Johnny. I still care.

-HE’S OOONNLLYYY HUUMMAANNN!!

-MUSIC PLAY ME OUT!!

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PS- If you think this game changed my stance about whether I think Johnny is going to be a good quarterback you’re out of your god damn mind. Maybe it’s me being stubborn or an idiot, but I have all the confidence in the world in Johnny Manziel. I’m living or dying with him. I’m not flip flopping like every other person in Cleveland sports media. I truly believe he’s going to be a successful pro once he gets everything figured out. It may not be pretty at times but you knew that when you drafted him. If you’re jumping off the ship after his first start, good. We don’t want you.

Taylor Swift’s Blank Space remixed with some Johnny Football? Yes please.

Reader Email:

I’m doing everything I can not to study for exams so I took the liberty of making this JFF version of Blank Space… thought you might enjoy it.

Well Happy fucking Thursday to me! We got this email in the Bottlegate inbox last night (Bottlegatecle@gmail.com for those of you that are interested) and my jaw dropped to the floor. I INSTANTLY pulled up the video from YouTube and mouthed the words along with the beat with a smile on my face. Toe tapping and shimmying all around the room like a god damn maniac. Taylor Swift and Johnny Fuckin Football combined into one musical masterpiece. I’m happier than a pig in shit right now.

 

(Press play and follow along with the lyrics)

  • Johnny Football
  • Where you been?
  • We could do some incredible things
  • Magic, madness, losses, wins
  • Saw you there and I thought oh my god
  • Look at that arm, off the field issues, cause for alarm
  • Next week’s game, wanna playyyyyyy?
  • Holcomb, Couch, Detmer, Frye
  • You’re on all of the magazines
  • Show us you can let it fly
  • We all know how good you could be
  • So hey, lead our team
  • You already know the fans will cream
  • Grab your helmet, put on for The Land
  • We tend to make the good guys bad in a season
  • So you’re gonna be the franchise
  • Or you’re gonna go down in flames
  • I’ll let you know when it’s over
  • If there were highs or simply pain
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But you know we love our Brownies
  • So let’s pop champagne
  • Cause you’re young and you’re reckless
  • But you could carry us far
  • It’ll leave us breathless
  • Or leave a nasty scar
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But we got a black space Johnny
  • And we’ll write your name
  • Heisman trophy
  • Lookin fly
  • You could show us incredible things
  • Throwing touchdowns, sprinting by
  • We’re the Browns Johnny you’re the QB
  • Quinn, Wynn, and Anderson
  • All our QBs for a month
  • But the best is yet to come
  • Ohwoahhhhhh
  • Gordon, Cameron, Playoff births
  • You could make all the tables turn
  • Johnny Football watcha worth?
  • Pettine second guessing you like oh my god
  • Who is he? Hoyer’s benched finally
  • Now you’ll come in and throw TDs
  • Cause Johnny we’re a nightmare you’re like a daydream
  • So you’re gonna be the franchise
  • Or you’re gonna go down in flames
  • I’ll let you know when it’s over
  • If there were highs or simply pain
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But you know we love our Brownies
  • So let’s pop champagne
  • Cause you’re young and you’re reckless
  • But you could carry us far
  • It’ll leave us breathless
  • Or leave a nasty scar
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But we got a black space Johnny
  • And we’ll write your name
  • We’ve never had a QB yeah it’s torture
  • Don’t say I didn’t say I didn’t warn ya
  • We’ve never had a QB yeah it’s torture
  • Don’t say I didn’t say I didn’t warn you
  • So you’re gonna be the franchise
  • Or you’re gonna go down in flames
  • I’ll let you know when it’s over
  • If there were highs or simply pain
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But you know we love our Brownies
  • So let’s pop champagne
  • Cause you’re young and you’re reckless
  • But you could carry us far
  • It’ll leave us breathless
  • Or with a nasty scar
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But we got a black space Johnny

And we’ll write your name

 

 

Huge thanks to Jacob aka @uajaguar24 for the lyrics. He killed it.

 

Oh, and go buy a shirt

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Buckle your ass up. Johnny Manziel is named starter for the Bengals game.

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We all knew it was coming. After the debacle at First Energy Stadium on Sunday, this is the only choice. Johnny Manziel will make his first career NFL start vs. Andy Dalton and the Bengals. Division rival with the season on the line. Buckle up because this ride is going to have twists and turns and loops and drops and inversions and G-forces.. shit, the train might even fly off the tracks… or it may arrive safely at the station with all it’s riders laughing and smiling. I don’t know what the hell to expect but I know it’s going to be fun.

Is he going to fall flat on his face? Is he going to come out firing bullets, making defenders look foolish and then flashing the money sign in chumps’ faces? I don’t know. No one does. And I think the unknown is what makes this so exciting. We have NO IDEA what to expect Sunday afternoon at First Energy Stadium. We just handed the keys to the franchise (along with a suffering region’s playoff aspirations) to a 22 year old wildcard. Am I nervous? Absolutely. Eager? Yep.

I trust Kyle Shanahan 1000% to put Johnny in the best position to succeed and get him in a rhythm. Whether that be the read option, a couple of designed QB runs, or 9 straight play action rollouts, Shan knows what he’s doing.

Sunday begins a new era in Cleveland. It’s Manziel time. You better buckle the fuck up, keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times because we’re going for a whirl… hopefully it’s not too late…

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(Photo made by our graphic design and t-shirt guru Zack D’Ulisse)

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