Tag Archives: Taylor Swift

Ezekiel Elliott Tweets At Taylor Swift Asking For A Date While She’s In Columbus

Shooters shoot.

Move over Cardale and Rousey, there’s a new power couple in Columbus. “Taylor Elliott” has a nice ring to it, eh? The “Heisman Trophy and Grammy Award winning couple” rolls off your tongue pretty smoothly.

Even if their relationship doesn’t work out, could you imagine the bangers that the break up would produce? Taylor’s song “Crop Top” about “the one who ran into her heart”  would put “Bad Blood” and “Blank Space” to shame. Everyone knows the best part about Swift’s relationships are the songs that come after they end.

As if there was any chance of Taylor turning him down, Zeke turned to the heavy artillery:

Looks like college football has a new power couple.

Taylor Swift’s Blank Space remixed with some Johnny Football? Yes please.

Reader Email:

I’m doing everything I can not to study for exams so I took the liberty of making this JFF version of Blank Space… thought you might enjoy it.

Well Happy fucking Thursday to me! We got this email in the Bottlegate inbox last night (Bottlegatecle@gmail.com for those of you that are interested) and my jaw dropped to the floor. I INSTANTLY pulled up the video from YouTube and mouthed the words along with the beat with a smile on my face. Toe tapping and shimmying all around the room like a god damn maniac. Taylor Swift and Johnny Fuckin Football combined into one musical masterpiece. I’m happier than a pig in shit right now.

 

(Press play and follow along with the lyrics)

  • Johnny Football
  • Where you been?
  • We could do some incredible things
  • Magic, madness, losses, wins
  • Saw you there and I thought oh my god
  • Look at that arm, off the field issues, cause for alarm
  • Next week’s game, wanna playyyyyyy?
  • Holcomb, Couch, Detmer, Frye
  • You’re on all of the magazines
  • Show us you can let it fly
  • We all know how good you could be
  • So hey, lead our team
  • You already know the fans will cream
  • Grab your helmet, put on for The Land
  • We tend to make the good guys bad in a season
  • So you’re gonna be the franchise
  • Or you’re gonna go down in flames
  • I’ll let you know when it’s over
  • If there were highs or simply pain
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But you know we love our Brownies
  • So let’s pop champagne
  • Cause you’re young and you’re reckless
  • But you could carry us far
  • It’ll leave us breathless
  • Or leave a nasty scar
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But we got a black space Johnny
  • And we’ll write your name
  • Heisman trophy
  • Lookin fly
  • You could show us incredible things
  • Throwing touchdowns, sprinting by
  • We’re the Browns Johnny you’re the QB
  • Quinn, Wynn, and Anderson
  • All our QBs for a month
  • But the best is yet to come
  • Ohwoahhhhhh
  • Gordon, Cameron, Playoff births
  • You could make all the tables turn
  • Johnny Football watcha worth?
  • Pettine second guessing you like oh my god
  • Who is he? Hoyer’s benched finally
  • Now you’ll come in and throw TDs
  • Cause Johnny we’re a nightmare you’re like a daydream
  • So you’re gonna be the franchise
  • Or you’re gonna go down in flames
  • I’ll let you know when it’s over
  • If there were highs or simply pain
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But you know we love our Brownies
  • So let’s pop champagne
  • Cause you’re young and you’re reckless
  • But you could carry us far
  • It’ll leave us breathless
  • Or leave a nasty scar
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But we got a black space Johnny
  • And we’ll write your name
  • We’ve never had a QB yeah it’s torture
  • Don’t say I didn’t say I didn’t warn ya
  • We’ve never had a QB yeah it’s torture
  • Don’t say I didn’t say I didn’t warn you
  • So you’re gonna be the franchise
  • Or you’re gonna go down in flames
  • I’ll let you know when it’s over
  • If there were highs or simply pain
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But you know we love our Brownies
  • So let’s pop champagne
  • Cause you’re young and you’re reckless
  • But you could carry us far
  • It’ll leave us breathless
  • Or with a nasty scar
  • Got a long list of ex-QBs
  • They’ll tell you we’re insane
  • But we got a black space Johnny

And we’ll write your name

 

 

Huge thanks to Jacob aka @uajaguar24 for the lyrics. He killed it.

 

Oh, and go buy a shirt

IMG955356

Taylor Swift vs. Nicki Minaj Music Video Showdown

 

VS.

 

 

 

Two HUGE videos dropped by two of the biggest stars in music this week. And boy, they could not be any more different. You’ve got Taylor Swift’s fun, bubbly, “Aw look at me, I’m kind of awkward but in a funny quirky way hehe” video. And then you’ve got Nicki Minaj’s softcore porno/twerk fest/music video set in the depths of the Amazon rainforest. I also needed to take a shower after I watched it.  Let’s look at the tape.

 

Outfits–  Well, this one is a bloodbath. The pictures show everything that you need to know.

 

Screen Shot 2014 08 20 at 12.01.01 AM Video: Nicki Minaj   Anaconda

Screen Shot 2014-08-20 at 12.01.26 AM

Shake-It-Off.jpg

Advantage: Nicki

 

 

Dance moves-

Anaconda8

 

Nicki Minaj

 

 

Taylor Swift Dance Tutu Gif Shake It Off

Taylor Swift Robot Shake It Off Gif

 

Sure Nicki shaking her fake ass all over the place was kind of cool but you need to do more than a couple hip thrusters to impress me. I need pizzazz. I need spark. I need some showmanship. I need some spirit. And Taylor DOMINATES this round. All you simpletons out there were probably too busy fantasizing about Nicki twerking to be able to really appreciate how Taylor moved on the screen. Her screen presence is off the charts. I mean, look at this!

Taylor Swift Dance Metallic Gif Shake It Off Video

Plus if we’re comparing backup dancers, this category turns into even more of a massacre. This guy steals the show. He may actually be the best dancer I’ve ever seen to be honest. That arm movement is nothing short of hypnotic.

tswift

 

 

Advantage: Taylor

 

 

Cinematography- I’m not even sure what cinematography is but I felt like it needed to be a category. Nicki’s video has scenes in a jungle, a dance/workout class, and ends with her dancing on some guy from Degrassi. Taylor’s video starts out in a ballet class, has some Lady Gaga futuristic scenes, and a pep rally.

 

Nicki Minaj

Gotta be honest, don’t think this exercise is doing much

 

Advantage:Nicki

 

 

Video “Replayability”– At the end of the day I do have a Y chromosome and there’s just no denying science and nature. I could watch Nicki’s video more times in a row than I could watch Taylor’s video.

 

Nicki Minaj

 

Advantage: Nicki

 

Song– Not Even close. Taylor in a LANDSLIDE. It’s catchy and if it came out in May/June it’d undoubtedly be the song of the summer. I’m 100% serious when I say I already downloaded Shake It Off on my phone and have listened to it 10+ times… The first time I watched the Anaconda video I watched it on mute. Probably the best decision of my life. To call that song “noise” would be giving it a compliment.

 

Advantage: Taylor

 

Final Tally– Tough one here. Two great candidates all around. Kinda reminds me of the Rumble In The Jungle where Ali pulled the Rope A Dope on George Foreman. The whole fight seems one sided and BOOM! A quick 5-punch combination ending with a left hook to the head. And that’s how Taylor Swift beat Nicki Minaj. By a calculated strategy that worked out for her in the end. Taylor didn’t need all the bells and ASSES whistles of the Nicki Minaj video. She brought it strong in other ways, and for that Taylor Swift is your champion.