Browns | Bottlegate

Hey did you guys hear the one about how Cleveland hasn’t won a championship since 1964 and the people that inhabit it are sad? Well, if you haven’t, ESPN’s 30 For 30 is here to save the day!

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I think I have a pretty good grasp on how the readers of this site feel and I’m pretty sure you guys will love the first voice you hear.

ESPN also released a quick clip about the psyche of a Cleveland sports fan

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I’ll be there to witness this in person when it opens at the Cleveland Film Festival. Maybe have to bring a few of those mini bottles of liquor so I don’t cry and puke all over myself throughout the film. Looks good though.

PS- One day we’ll figure out how to embed a video that isn’t YouTube or Vimeo on this site but sadly that day is not today.

Do you ever wonder what it’s like to be a fan of teams from another city?

Patriots fans spend the week leading up to games talking about their upcoming opponent and what they can do to improve upon their performance from last week to give themselves the best chance to win on Sunday. Browns fans spend the week leading up to games talking about whether the team should start a below average journeyman, or a rookie who hasn’t had the chance to prove he’s below average yet, at like every position.

Spurs fans talk about potential playoff match ups, Pop’s latest sound bite and how they can beat the Warriors. Cavs fans ask each other if they saw __________’s latest Instagram post, what __________’s tweet means and how they can’t beat the Warriors.

Cardinals fans spend the winter talking about what complimentary pieces they can add in the off season, and the summer talking about how they’re the best in the world at rooting for a baseball team. Indians fans spend their winter complaining about how the front office never spends any money, and the summer complaining about how the front office never spends any money.

I, for one, am absolutely exhausted. Lately I find myself answering the vast majority of sports questions from friends and coworkers with “I don’t care.”

What do you think about RGIII? I don’t care.

Bosa or a QB at 2? I do not care.

Did you see LeBron unfollowed the Cavs on Twitter?

I. Do. Not Care. I don’t care because I’m tired.

I’m tired of:

of LeBron on social media
of conversations about LeBron’s leadership
of Kevin Love not being Minnesota Kevin Love
of Kevin Love trade rumors
of anything having to do with the Cavs locker room
of David Blatt vs Ty Lue
of LeBron in Miami
of LeBron leaving
of Kyrie being a ball hog
of our star player and leader intentionally screwing with us
of who is or isn’t in an Instagram picture
of personal “brands”
of poolside chats
of ESPN
of Stephen A’s sources that are close to people
of Steph Curry
of Johnny Manziel
of Josh Gordon
of exclusive cell phone footage obtained by TMZ
of looking to the NFL draft as our only hope
of failed draft picks
of “we could have had…”
of constant front office turnover
of stupid new slogans and uniforms
of other people genuinely feeling sorry for me because of the football team I root for
of other people making fun of me for the football team I root for
of being more excited for press conferences and press releases in the spring and summer than for Sunday afternoons in the fall
of FBI probes
of “analytics”
of people not going to baseball games
of talking about people not going to baseball games
of complaining about the Indians payroll
of asking bars downtown to turn on Indians games
of fake Chief Wahoo outrage
of Zack Reed
of Sports Illustrated curses
of right handed power bats
of wins, losses, batting average and ERA
of jersey burning
of forced optimism
of hereditary pessimism
of you being completely wrong and also an idiot if I don’t agree with you
of criticizing local media because they deserve it
of criticizing local media when they don’t

But most of all, I am completely and utterly drained by the saying:

“Only in Cleveland.”

Only in Cleveland do we have the largest scoreboard in the NBA, the best player most of us have ever seen, the first place team in the Eastern Conference and the second best odds of winning a championship.

Only in Cleveland do we have the largest scoreboard in the MLB inside a completely renovated park, one of the best shortstops, pitching staffs, left fielders, second basemen, managers and radio announcers in baseball, a farm system full of even more pitching and prospects that fit our big league needs and the projected AL Central champions per Fangraphs.

Only in Cleveland do we have a fan base loyal (slash dumb) enough to keep supporting their football team year in and year out, regardless of the incompetence displayed by the players and front office.

(That last one was admittedly tough, but despite all preconceived notions of this new regime failing “because Browns,” we’re not even close to being close to it being too early to tell)

This is sports, people. An outlet to escape from the every day grind. This feeling of being a soap opera of a city is like the social battles kids used to wage in middle school. At the time, yeah, jumping off the 480 bridge seemed like the only solution to the problem. But sitting here 15 years later, I’m kind of glad I decided not to jump because Scotty intercepted my love note to Sarah and read it to everyone.

So if you want to talk to me about what the Indians lineup should look like when they square off against David Price in 13 days? Let’s do it. Wondering what sort of defensive match ups we could use against the Bulls or Pacers in the first round of the NBA playoffs? I’m all for it. But open your mouth and start spewing about a TMZ Sports report or a locker room tiff or a Cleveland sports curse? Get lawst.

Because I’m tired.

And I don’t care.

Cleveland