Being a Cleveland sports fan is exhausting

Do you ever wonder what it’s like to be a fan of teams from another city?

Patriots fans spend the week leading up to games talking about their upcoming opponent and what they can do to improve upon their performance from last week to give themselves the best chance to win on Sunday. Browns fans spend the week leading up to games talking about whether the team should start a below average journeyman, or a rookie who hasn’t had the chance to prove he’s below average yet, at like every position.

Spurs fans talk about potential playoff match ups, Pop’s latest sound bite and how they can beat the Warriors. Cavs fans ask each other if they saw __________’s latest Instagram post, what __________’s tweet means and how they can’t beat the Warriors.

Cardinals fans spend the winter talking about what complimentary pieces they can add in the off season, and the summer talking about how they’re the best in the world at rooting for a baseball team. Indians fans spend their winter complaining about how the front office never spends any money, and the summer complaining about how the front office never spends any money.

I, for one, am absolutely exhausted. Lately I find myself answering the vast majority of sports questions from friends and coworkers with “I don’t care.”

What do you think about RGIII? I don’t care.

Bosa or a QB at 2? I do not care.

Did you see LeBron unfollowed the Cavs on Twitter?

I. Do. Not Care. I don’t care because I’m tired.

I’m tired of:

  • of LeBron on social media
  • of conversations about LeBron’s leadership
  • of Kevin Love not being Minnesota Kevin Love
  • of Kevin Love trade rumors
  • of anything having to do with the Cavs locker room
  • of David Blatt vs Ty Lue
  • of LeBron in Miami
  • of LeBron leaving
  • of Kyrie being a ball hog
  • of our star player and leader intentionally screwing with us
  • of who is or isn’t in an Instagram picture
  • of personal “brands”
  • of poolside chats
  • of ESPN
  • of Stephen A’s sources that are close to people
  • of Steph Curry
  • of Johnny Manziel
  • of Josh Gordon
  • of exclusive cell phone footage obtained by TMZ
  • of looking to the NFL draft as our only hope
  • of failed draft picks
  • of “we could have had…”
  • of constant front office turnover
  • of stupid new slogans and uniforms
  • of other people genuinely feeling sorry for me because of the football team I root for
  • of other people making fun of me for the football team I root for
  • of being more excited for press conferences and press releases in the spring and summer than for Sunday afternoons in the fall
  • of FBI probes
  • of “analytics”
  • of people not going to baseball games
  • of talking about people not going to baseball games
  • of complaining about the Indians payroll
  • of asking bars downtown to turn on Indians games
  • of fake Chief Wahoo outrage
  • of Zack Reed
  • of Sports Illustrated curses
  • of right handed power bats
  • of wins, losses, batting average and ERA
  • of jersey burning
  • of forced optimism
  • of hereditary pessimism
  • of you being completely wrong and also an idiot if I don’t agree with you
  • of criticizing local media because they deserve it
  • of criticizing local media when they don’t

But most of all, I am completely and utterly drained by the saying:

“Only in Cleveland.”

Only in Cleveland do we have the largest scoreboard in the NBA, the best player most of us have ever seen, the first place team in the Eastern Conference and the second best odds of winning a championship.

Only in Cleveland do we have the largest scoreboard in the MLB inside a completely renovated park, one of the best shortstops, pitching staffs, left fielders, second basemen, managers and radio announcers in baseball, a farm system full of even more pitching and prospects that fit our big league needs and the projected AL Central champions per Fangraphs.

Only in Cleveland do we have a fan base loyal (slash dumb) enough to keep supporting their football team year in and year out, regardless of the incompetence displayed by the players and front office.

(That last one was admittedly tough, but despite all preconceived notions of this new regime failing “because Browns,” we’re not even close to being close to it being too early to tell)

This is sports, people. An outlet to escape from the every day grind. This feeling of being a soap opera of a city is like the social battles kids used to wage in middle school. At the time, yeah, jumping off the 480 bridge seemed like the only solution to the problem. But sitting here 15 years later, I’m kind of glad I decided not to jump because Scotty intercepted my love note to Sarah and read it to everyone.

So if you want to talk to me about what the Indians lineup should look like when they square off against David Price in 13 days? Let’s do it. Wondering what sort of defensive match ups we could use against the Bulls or Pacers in the first round of the NBA playoffs? I’m all for it. But open your mouth and start spewing about a TMZ Sports report or a locker room tiff or a Cleveland sports curse? Get lawst.

Because I’m tired.

And I don’t care.


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