Cleveland

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MONSTER AND WHY IS IT IN LAKE ERIE?!

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From News Channel 5

It’s about a foot-and-a-half long with dark gray mottled slimy skin and rows of teeth lining a circular mouth, something like a cross between an eel and your worst nightmare. And it’s more common in Lake Erie than you might think.
 
“It’s amazing. It’s shocking. It’s actually kind of scary looking,” said Doug Hershman. “I’ve never seen a fish like that.”
 
That is a sea lamprey, a creepy creature scientists with the Cleveland Metroparks found in the Rocky River on Friday during a routine equipment test.

GOO!!! Someone get Jeremy Wade on the phone right now! What is THAT and why is it in Ohio? KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!

September 24, 2014. The day that I proclaimed that I will never step foot in another lake/river/pond in Ohio again in my life. No thanks, dude. Right when you think Cleveland is starting to turn the corner; there’s new businesses, the Hofbrauhaus is opening soon, the nuCLEus is on it’s way… this Hope Solo lookalike pops up and ruins everything. Seriously, Ohio bodies of water are so screwed right now. We’ve got ISIS guys carrying Ebola coming across Lake Erie, man eating sharks found in the Ohio River, there’s always the threat of the Cuyahoga catching fire, and now the main character from Tremors is lurking around in Rocky River. Our pets heads are falling off! No fucking thanks. You can find me in the nearest in ground swimming pool with a margarita in my hand and not having my blood sucked out by a river monster.

PS- This is also what I imagine Nicki Minaj’s you-know-what to look like

Indians

Indians players literally giving away tickets now… UPDATE: so is the team

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So that’s where we’re at now. Kip tossing some random twitter follower 4 tickets to what is essentially a do-or-die game for the Tribe. This is why the people who say they don’t go to games because of the front office bug the hell out of me. It’s your team. Think of the players. It shouldn’t matter what you think of the owner, GM or coaches. These guys just want to play in front of somebody, anybody. “Dolan needs to open the wallet.” Welp folks I think it’s pretty clear that he ain’t gonna, at least not much more than he already has. I don’t care what Forbes says he’s worth, our budget is what he’s willing to spend, not what he has total. I know this is beating a dead horse with my attendance rant yesterday, but this just goes to show how much fans attending games mean to the fellas in between the lines. You shouldn’t punish them for your disagreements about how the team is being run. They’re doing their jobs, do yours as fans.

UPDATE: Indians decide that’s a great idea

Oy vey.

KEEP THE CHIEF

prog

College Football

If you buy a Coke in Ann Arbor you can attend a Michigan football game for free!

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From Pro Football Talk–

You know it’s bad when the student newspaper is printing headlines like “Clock’s Ticking, Brady.” But perhaps the most accurate depiction of where Michigan football sits under Brady Hoke is this picture being passed around social media

View image on Twitter

I want to make fun of this but I can’t. It’s just so, so sad. The winningest college football program of all time resorting to lowly gimmicks to try and draw fans to watch a JV football team Michigan play in their shitty stadium The Big House. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t score a single point vs. Notre Dame and you get blown out by the storied, world renowned Utah Utes.

I sat here for five minutes trying to think of something clever to end with but nothing could top what Rosco said:

Cleveland