Just an upstanding officer of the law lending a helping hand to a man in need. Have you ever had to hold a beer bong for yourself? It sucks. Foam everywhere. This officer officer is just honoring the old credo of “protect and serve.” With all the negative press police forces have been receiving lately, it’s nice to see the popo and civilians coexisting in harmony.
Also: Exhibit A why drinking will NEVER be banned in the muni lot.
Ah, the 4th preseason game. The most meaningless football game (on any level) of the year. The game where starters don’t play a down yet a backup’s livelihood can depend on if they can hold their block on the punt team. While the Browns will most likely play their starters for a portion of the first quarter, the Bears have already announced that their starters won’t see the field. With tons of questions still unanswered about this team, these are a few of the ones I want to figure out:
1. Can the Browns 1st team offense pass the 50 yard line vs the Bears second team defense?
The offense has left much to be desired so far this preseason. Hopefully Brian Hoyer and Co. can pull their heads out of their asses and try and get some cohesion going into the regular season. I’d love to see a throw or two downfield so when teams scout us during the regular season they’ll see that we actually CAN throw the ball over 25 yards. I know in the grand scheme of things preseason football doesn’t mean shit but I think it’d be good for the Browns and their fans if the first team offense looks semi competent and maybe, just maybe, can get into the end zone.
2. Is Johnny Manziel’s new Snickers commercial the best commercial of the year or of the decade?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0_aBMgBo_k#t=12
The Budweiser Clydesdales, Terry Tate Office Linebacker, Cindy Crawford drinking a Pepsi, Johnny Manziel teaching aerobics. All-time classic commercials. Add this one to the list. Are there an Academy Awards for commercials? Because if so, Johnny just won them all.
3. Can Mike Pettine’s vaunted defense stop Jimmy Clausen and his cast of misfit toys offense?
The first team defense VASTLY underperformed vs. the Rams on Saturday, making teammates Shaun Hill and Austin Davis look like the 2nd coming of Joe Montana and Steve Young. The secondary got exposed and the front seven allowed Hill and Davis to sit in the pocket and sling it all over the field. Hopefully Pettine and DC Jim O’neill can draw up some blitzes to get to Jimmy Clausen and knock that stupid ugly look off his face.
4. Who will step up and claim the last receiver spot(s)?
Miles Austin, Andrew Hawkins, Nate Burleson (I think) and Travis Benjamin will all make the team. Now that Josh Gordon is officially not coming back, that means Charles Johnson, Willie Snead, Marlon Moore, and Taylor Gabriel are all fighting for the final spots. Gun to my head I say Charles Johnson and Willie Snead make the 53 man roster but we’ll see.
5. How sexy will Rex Grossman look in his Browns game uniform?
Answer: Real fucking sexy.
6. Can Johnny Manziel continue to progress?
The main thing I’ll be keeping an eye on is how comfortable Manziel looks on the field. I felt he made some good strides last week and hopefully he can continue to do just that. I’ll be extremely upset if he gets a rushing or passing touchdown and this isn’t his celebration:
7. Will the Browns go winless in the preseason?
I know I’ve preached time and time again that the preseason is pretty pointless but According to FootballOutsiders.com, 68 percent of winless teams go on to have a losing record in the regular season. Even if the Browns finish the preseason 1-3 it still looks A LOT better than having a zero in the win column. Hopefully tonight will be the first of 20 straight wins culminating in a Super Bowl trophy.
PS- After the first half is over I will 100% be tuning into Texas A&M vs. South Carolina.
I’m fired up right now. My eyes are bloodshot, steam coming out of my ears and hair on fire. Blood pressure at a cool 160/100. Can’t focus clearly. Vision is kinda blurry… All last night and into today I’ve been hearing and reading garbage everywhere I look. Talk radio shows already wondering whether Johnny Manziel has enough upstairs to have a successful career. Fans calling into said shows and declaring Johnny a “bust.” Calling for CONNOR SHAW to start for the Browns. Writers blaming Manziel’s offseason escapades on his early struggles. Saying “he should have been studying his playbook instead of partying.”
This is actually happening. This is the world we live in.
Did I mention Johnny has thrown 27 passes exactly… twenty seven… in a couple of quarters in 2 preseason games. That’s right. Two preseason games. Newsflash, guys- Of course a rookie quarterback may struggle. Holy shit. Brand new playbook, brand new team, brand new coach, brand new terminology, brand new linemen, receivers, backs, tight ends… there’s literally nothing that’s happened so far that is in any case surprising. Did anyone actually think that a quarterback who has never huddled, who has never really had a playbook, who is undersized and who is known as an “improviser” would come into the NFL and set the scoreboard afire in his first couple live action games? You won’t find a bigger Manziel fan than me and even I knew he would struggle.
Actual picture tweeted out by ESPN’s Ed Werder today.
***
And now to the finger heard ‘round the world. You’d honestly think Johnny had knocked his wife unconscious in an elevator. Ah, wrong team. Nevermind. I honestly feel like Im living on a different planet hearing the talking heads on ESPN discuss the ramifications of a middle finger. Am I alone in feeling that flipping someone the bird is one of the least offensive things in the world? People flip me off all the time on the highway, I’ve never been disgusted or thought to myself “what immaturity, they’ll never be a successful driver on the highway.” It’s mind boggling really. If you were on Twitter last night you’d have actually thought that Johnny was the first player in the history of football to ever swear on the field. The holier than thou Peter Kings and Mark Schlereths of the world apparently think a hand gesture will somehow dictate the way a player’s career pans out. It’s a sign of immaturity. It’s a sign of other teams getting to him….
Umm, hello? Did anyone watch Johnny Manziel play at Texas A&M? Anyone? Or are we discounting his past 2 seasons at College Station? The guy is a fire breathing, shit talking ball of energy who thrives on competition and confrontation. This isn’t a secret. Hey Schlereth, why don’t you turn on your own network for me one time. Oh, never mind you’ve got to play the troll this upcoming segment. Got it.
Frankly I love it. I love having my quarterback care that he’s not performing the way he’s capable of. I love my quarterback having some passion. I love my quarterback standing up for himself. We’ve had 100 20 quarterbacks since 1999 with the same “Oh golly gee, ho hum” good ol’ boy attitude and what has that gotten us? The worst overall record since 1999? The most head coaches? The least playoff appearances?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKJcBDXAXDU
What a disgrace.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzgL22NBlH4
*GASP*
Did he just say the F— word??
***
But the clickbait “Is Johnny Manziel a Bust?” (This post actually) and “Johnny Football In Over His Head” titles of articles will get the page views. Those will get the clicks. That’ll get the people to start forming the idea in their head that Johnny Manziel was a wasted draft pick. Because of course all rookies come in and light it up right away a la RG3 and Andrew Luck. Of course.
No one will mention that in Aaron Rodgers 3rd preseason game he had 3 turnovers in 4 series in the fourth quarter. No one will mention that Drew Brees struggled early in training camp with the Chargers while competing with Doug Flutie. No one will mention that Colin Kaepernick had the worst passer rating in the NFL for QBs who threw 20+ passes in his rookie preseason games. And that he had 5 interceptions in his last 34 passes in said preseason games. Nope. No one will talk about how it’s normal for rookie quarterbacks to struggle and to look like they don’t know what’s happening around them. Even the elite quarterbacks in the game struggled in their rookie training camps.
But yeah, let’s write Johnny off after 2 preseason games because he threw a couple incompletions and struggled. Fuck him. He parties and doesn’t care about football. No wonder he’s having a rough start to his career. Remember that picture on the swan? Remember when he went to Las Vegas? Remember that SELFIE he took?!? The guy just doesn’t want it. Doesn’t have the right mindset. Diva. Immature. Cleveland will have to draft another quarterback next year. Johnny will be bagging groceries in 2 years.
Whatever. At least we have The Sex Cannon.
PS- Is ESPN seriously going to blur out a middle finger after they showed a looping clip of Tony Stewart killing a guy with a car?
Bottlegate 