craigslist | Bottlegate

Welcome to the 2nd edition of “This Week In Cleveland Craigslist Missed Connections.” Good batch this week from the weirdos who think posting in Craigslist about that girl they saw in line at Speedway will somehow get them laid. Let’s get started.

Who knew the Eastlake Walmart was poppin like this? Lots of cat talk in this post, hopefully this guy gets some.

Nothing says romance like Circle K, gyro chips, win, and Reese’s. Maybe these 2 Circle K jerkers can meet up later in that white Jeep and make their own yummy pie.

Any 21 year old who willingly wants to hook up with 60 year old chicks needs to have their brain examined. I respect the double meaning of the “I’m good with my hands and enjoy fixing things in need.” Old girls probably love that.

After 2 weeks of doing these I’ve noticed that 50% of these missed connections occur at gas stations or convenience stores while waiting in line. Love knows no bounds I guess.

Well? Ladies? I bet this dude is a blast to Snap Chat with.

Straight and to the point. Shooters keep shooting no matter what. I like the cut of this dude’s jib.

I’m pretty sure she’s ignoring you.
Don’t use the C in reference to vaginas. Pretty sure that’s a no no.

Read the above posting. Pretty weird, right? Now look to the right and see that this guy is 50 years old. And now I’ve never been more creeped out in my life. Wouldn’t be surprised if this guy likes to dance in front of a video camera and has a 15 foot hole in his house. In fairness though, I don’t know how anyone in their right mind would be able to turn down such a good offer.

So, new feature we’re trying out here. I’ll be searching through the depths of the Cleveland Craigslist personal adds to try and find some of the funniest, most deranged postings Craigslist has to offer. I’ll be mostly focused in the “Missed Connections” category but if I’m feeling froggy I’ll delve into some of the darker and grosser Personals categories. I think there’s some potential here. Enjoy.

And we’re off! My man here isn’t holding anything back. Looks like I’ll have to hit up the North Olmsted Walmart often and keep my eyes opened for this little blue thong “going down the crack.”

“You should ALWAYS have the finest things in life”

Like a double chicken burrito from Chipotle. What a gentleman. (It’s almost actually physically impossible to sound more desperate than this guy)

Bro. Next time you write a long Craigslist post about being turned on by the Asian cocktail waitress, please please please mix in a few periods or commas.

Nothing says true love like black mini skirts, rocker boots, and the License Bureau.

Short and to the point. “Katie you’re sexy and have a hot bod.” Period. End. The wings were probably good too.

This is where things started to get a little weird in the Cleveland Missed Connections world. I noticed there’s this one poster who always writes these long winded “woe is me I miss my whore ex girlfriend” posts. Maybe he thinks his ex casually browses through the “missed connections?” I don’t know.

I do know that I really need to find out who “H” is. Seems like a real succubus. That “witchcraft can not stop it, you are old now and will never be a human being” line really threw me through a loop. Is this dude’s ex a real witch? Is that why they’re broke up? Could he not handle the witchcraft life? Should I even be posting about witches? What if she tracks this down and puts a spell on me? Shit. Welp, say goodbye to ol’ Bottlegate.com, I’ll probably be getting cursed soon.

This one was actually pretty normal (read: not normal at all and very creepy, no one should remember all those details about a person) until he referred to his shirt as “OATMEAL COLORED.” Who the hell refers to anything as “oatmeal colored” in 2015? Craigslist Missed Connection posters, that’s who. Fucking creep.

Speechless. Absolutely speechless. If you see a man with binoculars walking up and down Crocker Road this weekend while peeking into the office buildings, it might be me. Thanks to this woman for making this guy’s day.

Dan sounds like a serial killer and I don’t think I’m exaggerating one bit. Someone needs to find this dude’s IP address.

Not even a missed connection. Just a guy sitting behind his computer talking about how the hot chick at the gas station makes him happy in the morning. So innocent, simple and so great.

And thus ends our first edition. If you happen to be browsing the Missed Connections page and see anything juicy, tweet us @Bottlegate or email us at Bottlegatecle@gmail.com

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