top 10 | Bottlegate

I’ve been meaning to make this list for awhile now but since it’s Veteran’s Day I guess it’s fitting to discuss our favorite war movies. I know that war absolutely sucks, is awful and that Hollywood sensationalizes it, but I’m the first to admit I’m a sucker for a good war flick that really gets my blood flowing and patriotism going. Without further ado, here’s our top 10:

Honorable Mention

The Kingdom

Underrated movie starring Jamie Foxx. The last 30 minutes are about as intense as a movie can get.

Top 10

10. Jarhead

While this one doesn’t have many actual battle scenes in it, it shows the day to day lifestyle of a typical soldier in the middle east. I liked it because it’s not your normal war flick.

9. Apocalypse Now

An older movie but it still holds up to the flicks of today. Marlon Brando, Martin Sheen, Robert Duvall, Laurence Fishburne, Dennis Hopper, Harrison Ford… Yeah this movie had some star power.

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”

8. Inglorious Basterds

Obviously not historically accurate but you’re left cheering at the end when Hitler is shot about 5,000 times then left to burn while the movie theater is on fire.

7. The Deer Hunter

I’ll always remember this movie as the first time I was introduced to the term “Russian Roulette” and the first time I saw Christopher Walken in a movie. Many scenes were filmed in Ohio too.

6. The Patriot

Back when Mel Gibson didn’t hate everyone and everything, he was the man. The Patriot will always be a timeless classic.

5. Zero Dark Thirty

Admittedly I’m not as high on ZDT as others are but I can’t deny it was a extremely well made movie. If you weren’t on the edge of your seat while they were going through Osama’s compound at the end then you probably don’t have a pulse either.

4. Saving Private Ryan

Confession time: I’ve never seen Saving Private Ryan from start to finish in one sitting. Collectively I’ve seen it a bunch of times, but one sitting? Nope. Still, it’s too good to ignore, and is at the top of most people’s lists.

3. The Hurt Locker

Won 6 awards at the 2010 Academy Awards while also walking away with Best Picture.

2. Lone Survivor

This is the one that resonated with me most. I read the book about two years before the movie came out and followed everything about Marcus Luttrell and his team until the movie. I saw it with my girlfriend and at the end I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a dry eye in the theater. I don’t think I said a word for about 15 minutes after it ended, it was that powerful. I’ve never felt that way after walking out of a movie.

1. Full Metal Jacket

In my opinion, the GOAT. So many things stick out in my mind about this movie. From Gomer Pyle, Private Joker, “M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E,” John Wayne, Born To Kill… to bars of soap in a pillowcase, “This is my rifle, this is my gun,” and a foul mouth drill sergeant. Full Metal Jacket takes the top spot.

Leave your thoughts in the comments or let us know on Twitter what we left out or what your list would be

With the news of the Dallas nurse flying through Hopkins a couple days ago, the Ebola scare in Cleveland is all the rage right now. Ebola this, Ebola that. Am I concerned? Yes. Am I worried? No, not really. I don’t have reason to be. If you’re keeping score at home Senegal just wiped the floor with Ebola’s face and Nigeria is up by 20 with 2 minutes left vs Ebola. Nigeria and Senegal. They don’t even have Playstation 4s or Dunkin Donuts there.

This led to us to start brainstorming ideas on the precautions you could take to avoid catching Ebola if you’re in the Cleveland area. In true Bottlegate fashion they’re super serious and not satirical at all.

Here you go, the Do’s and Don’ts of surviving Ebola in Cleveland:

DO take a dip in the Cuyahoga River- By now everybody knows the story of the Cuyahoga River catching on fire. Ebola doesn’t stand a damn chance in a river toxic enough to spontaneously catch fire at any time. If you come down with Ebola, go take a quick dip and the disease will wash right off of you.

DO NOT kiss anyone on West 6th- This should already be an ideology of yours. I’ve seen the clientele running around the sidewalks there at 1 AM on a Saturday and frankly catching Ebola should be the least of your problems. There are plenty of other Sexually Transmitted Diseases for you to worry about. Don’t swap spit on West 6th.

DO subscribe to Netflix- You’re going to need a nice place to get away from everyone. What better way to spend a couple months than holed up in your bedroom while you binge watch all the seasons of Arrested Development and Breaking Bad?

DO NOT go to Africa- Seriously. Don’t go to Africa. Quit trying to be a hero. No one likes a try-hard.

DO drink heavily: I hear if you drink your weight (in oz.) of Christmas Ale you’re immune to EVERYTHING. Immune to feelings; immune to actually feeling anything at all; immune to talking clearly; immune to being a bad dancer; and immune to Ebola. It’s simple science, really.

DO NOT go to the gym- Too many germs, unwanted fluids, and body odor. Ever since I started Bottlegate a couple months ago I haven’t had a lot of time to work out and I ~~am getting pretty plump~~ feel GREAT. You’re not going to the NFL Combine any time soon, so quit kidding yourself. Fat people don’t catch Ebola. FACT.

DO stay the FUCK out of Texas- Remember that line from Full Metal Jacket- “Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy.” I’d like to edit that to “Only steers and queers and *Ebola* come from Texas”… Stay. The. Hell. Out. Of. Texas…. (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

DO NOT eat the urinal cakes at Hopkins Airport- This is self explanatory. If you’re hungry don’t eat the piss cakes from the airport. Easy enough.

DO start training your immune system- I’m a firm believer of the whole “Break to build” adage. This totally applies to your immune system. You have to train it to handle everything. Put it through “Germ Two A Days.” Start licking floors. Start not washing your hands. Purposefully let a sick child cough on you. This builds character. Before you know it you’ll have the strongest Immune System this side of the Mississippi. As RG3 once said- “No pressure, No diamonds.” Think about it.

DO have a gritty attitude- You’re from Cleveland. You’ve seen it all- The Shot, The Drive, Red Right 88, blah blah blah. You’re tough. You know how to persevere. You’re not gonna let some little West African Whooping Cough ruin your day. You’ve got places to be and people to see. Take a swig of some Cleveland Whiskey and kick that bitch ass disease right in it’s freaking mouth.

And that’s that. If you follow all these precautions there’s no way you’re catching anything besides tons of cool points. See you guys at the Browns-Raiders game.

PS- If you don’t see the relation between the Pittsburgh Steelers coming to town and then 2 days later there’s Ebola everywhere then you need to open your eyes.

Cleveland