SOUTH EUCLID, Ohio — South Euclid police are looking for a woman who set fire to a clothing rack at Walmart to distract employees while she shoplifted.
The small fire started about 11:45 a.m. Friday at Warrensville Center Road store, according to a police report.
The flames were quickly extinguished, and no one was hurt.
A surveillance video showed the woman standing near a children’s pajama clearance rack, police said. The woman quickly walked away as the pajamas caught fire.
She then went to the front of the store and grabbed a blue bike.
She left the store with the bike when store employees were distracted by the fire.
There’s times in life when you just know when you’re beat. You just have to shake your head, smile, and accept it. When you get bluffed by a shit hand while playing Texas Hold ‘Em; When you’re a DB trying to cover Odell Beckham Jr; When you’re playing the West Canaan Coyotes and can’t stop the Oopty Oop. We’ve all been there. You’re helpless and know you’re outmatched physically or mentally.
If you were a worker at Walmart on this day, there’s nothing you can do but shake your head and laugh. You just got outsmarted by one of the greats. The David Copperfield of kleptomaniacs. Mind games on mind games. Sleight of hand, ever heard of it?
The ONLY problem I have here is why didn’t she go to the electronics? Fuck a bike. Get a PS4, an XBOX 1, or one of those 55″ Vizio TVs.
So to all of the Walmart South Euclid employees, don’t be discouraged. You ran into a buzzsaw that day. It’s important in life to realize that sometimes people are just better than you. Don’t cry because you got a bike stolen right under your nose, smile because you were a witness to one of the greatest heists the South Euclid Walmart has ever seen.
PS-God I hate Cleveland.com commenters.
Leave it to dumbass Alice Afterthought to ruin a Grade A carbon footprint joke.