Bottlegate’s 2015 Airing of Grievances

Welcome everyone! The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with Cleveland, life, Twitter and the sports scene! And now you’re gonna hear about it!

I realize this is basically just a list of things that I hate but I bet whoever is reading this will agree with a lot of the points. Besides, it’s a little cathartic to sit down and think of all the things in the world you cant stand. If you got hate it your heart, let it out!

Snapchat

Could make this its own blog. I’m getting real tired of Snap Chat. Everything from 300 second Snap Chat stories (you’re not that important) to food snaps (we know what food looks like) to videos of people looking into the camera and singing in their car… Snap Chat is close to jumping the shark. Also, stop trying to do DJ Khaled themed snaps. Stop tainting a good thing.

Twitter Moments

Does anyone actually use this feature?

People who say ‘Merica and are being serious

It all started with that Cloyd Rivers account (worst account ever btw)

Could of, should of, would of

Could have. Should have. Would have.

Everyone on the planet with the last name of Jenner or Kardashian

Go away

The latest season of True Detective

I’ve never been more let down by a season of television ever

Blind Manziel defenders

I’m cool with defending Manziel with his play on the field because it has gotten infinitely better than last year and he looks competent. But you don’t have to defend EVERYTHING he does (especially off of the field). It’s OK to criticize players when they should be criticized.

Blind Manziel haters

Give credit where it’s due. Johnny looks like he can play in the league a little bit. He’s not the loser you guys all thought he’d be.

Shitty Twitter accounts that have lots of followers

Too many to name. Don’t get it. Don’t get it at all.

The fact that Gary Barnidge didn’t get a Pro Bowl nod

Even if I’d rather have each one of the tight ends that got selected on my team, it’s still BS that Gary didn’t crack the top 4.

Overly crowded bars

Standing in the middle of a bar where you can’t move 4 inches in either direction is pretty much the worst thing in the world.

The Fat Jew

I still follow him though so who’s the real loser?

College protesters

You’re in college and you’re upset about stuff and you’re protesting? Super original.

Not hat tipping/crediting people online

Goes along with the “shitty Twitter accounts that have lots of followers”

People who tweet insults at athletes or comment on their Instagram

The least self aware people in the world. You look pathetic when you do this.

People who dress up to go to the gym

Color coordinated outfits and gelled hair to work out? This is not directed at girls though, keep doing you.

The fact that a guy who was the subject of a Comedy Central Roast has a chance to become president

What a time to be alive

Roger Goodell

The biggest clown of 2015

Steeler fans who were born in Northeast Ohio and have no ties to the Steelers

I get it, you’re a spinless front runner.

People who constantly bitch on Twitter

I’m fine with the complaining, just be funny about it. We’re all just as miserable as you are.

Facebook

Not for me. Be an adult and get Twitter.

The Shooting at the Odeon in downtown Cleveland last weekend

I’ve got friends who live a couple hundred yards from that place. Can we please not shoot people there? Please?

Notre Dame fans

ND hasn’t been relevant since that dumb movie about that dork who jumped offsides and wasn’t any good at sports.

The stretch of highway around where 271 and 480 meet

I moved recently so thankfully I don’t have to sit in the traffic everyday but whoever designed that stretch of highway deserves a swift kick to the dick. (had this one in last year’s airing too)

People who put their hazards lights on when it’s raining or snowing