Southeast Ohio man forgets to get wife Valentine’s Day gift, promptly receives mini bat to the head


“BELPRE TOWNSHIP, Ohio — A southeast Ohio woman is facing charges after she reportedly beat her husband with a mini baseball bat because he did not buy her a Valentine’s Day present.

Kimberly Hammond, 46, was arrested Sunday in Belpre Township, which is located on the Ohio River near Parkersburg, West Virginia.

According to, Hammond’s husband, John Hammond, told deputies with the Washington County Sheriff’s Department his wife had been drinking Sunday morning and an argument turned physical. After hitting and scratching his face, she grabbed the mini baseball bat and began beating him, eventually knocking him unconscious.

When deputies arrived, they found the husband with several injuries, including a large knot on his head, according to He declined medical treatment.”

Mixed bag of emotions for me here. On one hand I want to immediately jump on this poor guy’s side and berate his psychopath wife. He didn’t get her a 10 dollar card that would be in the garbage in two days or a bouquet of flowers that’d be dead in a week for a fake holiday, and he gets his ass knocked out on a beautiful Sunday morning. That’s what we in the business call a “red flag.”

All that being said…I think I’m Team Kim on this one.

Call me crazy but I have a feeling this woman had mentioned once or twice that she wanted something for Valentine’s Day. Just guessing based on the fact that she, you know, knocked her husband unconscious for not getting her anything. This was most certainly not a case of “I didn’t know we were getting each other something!” So at that point I think I blame John for laziness and good old fashioned stupidity if we’re being honest. I know it’s a pain buddy, I know, but if you muster enough will power to get your ass off your couch and go buy that card or bouquet of flowers, you don’t get knocked out by your wife. Pretty simple. Hell I’d be willing to pay considerably more than 10 dollars for a card to not get bashed in the head with a mini bat. You’re really buying a gift for yourself if you think about it.

Refusing medical treatment is really John’s only play at the end there though. Try to save what little face he had left. It’s bad enough your drunk wife shut your lights off with a mini baseball bat…just get these officers of the law and paramedics outta there so you can soak in your own self-loathing in peace. Like when you’re waiting for your order at McDonald’s and they start reading “Uhh I’ve got four McDoubles no mustard, a 20 piece nugget, two large f…” “YEP, that’s me.” Thanks, dick. You saw me walk in alone and I’m not standing with anyone. We both know what’s going on here. Spare me a little dignity for God’s sake.

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