Category Archives: ohio

VIDEO: Crowd of Kent State students went clown hunting last night

Shout out to all the kids in that video (especially the girl that called the clown a pussy) for doing God’s work out there last night. If they found him, I can’t imagine the repercussions would’ve been that ugly with campus security apparently involved, but they did give him that one moment of poop in his pants when he saw a cell-phone wielding mob of students heading his way. That in itself is worth it.

I cannot put into words how over clowns I am. They’re the scum of the earth and deserve nothing less than public humiliation and poor luck the rest of their dumb lives. I can handle these bozos in regular clown environments. I do not like them but I can handle them. However, when I walk to my car in the morning to go to work and have to wonder if there’s a fucking CLOWN WAITING FOR ME IN MY GARAGE, that’s a little much for me. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

God forbid one of them starts running towards me like I see in these videos. Barring a complete physical lockup, I would not hesitate one instant to absolutely wail on its multicolored ass and send it right back down to the fiery ball pit from which it came.

So yuck it up while you can, psychopaths. It’s all fun and games until you scare the wrong 2nd Amendment lover.

PS I think I speak for all undecided voters when I say, you want to jump the competition on my ballot in November? Introduce some motherfucking clown legislation.

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Those Creepy Clown Sightings Have Officially Reached Ohio

Via My Dayton Daily News

Reports of clown sightings started in August in South Carolina, then reports of these creepy culprits started popping up nationwide.

People in neighboring states started alerting their local police stations of clowns hanging around and now people are reporting them in Ohio and locally.

Today, Franklin police were called to an apartment complex where a woman reported being chased by someone wearing a plastic clown mask.

Franklin police were unable to locate the clown.

One man in Greenville recently reported being attacked by two clowns.

A group of children in Brookville called the police because of a clown running around in the local woods near where they lived.

The Brookville Police checked the woods and only found Halloween masks.

 


 

OK this clown thing needs to stop and needs to stop now. The past few months there’ve been clown sightings all over the US and each one seems to be freakier than the one before it. I’m beginning to start to think that there’s an underground clown crime ring and they’re about to do some shit. Think ‘F Society’ in Mr. Robot or ‘Project Mayhem’ in Fight Club… but with clowns which makes it 100% scarier than it already is. If clowns start to make their way towards the Cleveland area then we need to create some sort of clown crusade and round these assholes up one by one. I’ve seen ‘It’ and I’ve seen the carnival season of ‘American Horror Story,’ so I doubt any of the real life clowns are as scary as the TV clowns. Nothing in real life is more frightening than Pennywise. My theory is that they’re planning a big clown attack around Halloween so stay woke.

PS- Don’t let the killer clowns distract you from the fact that the Warriors…

Four Year Old Falls Into The Gorilla Exhibit At Cincy Zoo And Lives

Video from a zoo goer

 

 

Scary situation down in Cincy over the weekend when a 4 year old fell into the gorilla exhibit at the zoo. I can’t even imagine what the parents of this kid were thinking as he was being grabbed by the gorilla who probably outweighs him by 400 lbs. This is legit probably one of the more terrifying things I’ve watched on the Internet.

But here’s the thing that no one is mentioning- this kid now has an AWESOME story to tell for the rest of his life. He can now one up everyone everytime he’s sitting with his buddies. “Oh, your dad played professional baseball? Cool story, bro. I stared into the eyes of a Silverback when I was 4 and lived to tell about it.”

He won’t even need pick up lines. For the rest of his life he’ll be known as the kid who went toe to toe with a gorilla and came out victorious. He’ll be the real life “The Boy Who Lived.”

Now obviously if the boy ends up with a permanent disability or injury this story is incredibly, incredibly sad, but everything I’ve read makes it sound like he’ll be OK. He’s incredibly lucky if he walked away with a couple bruises and maybe a broken bone or two. Unfortunately the gorilla had to be shot which absolutely sucks.