Tag Archives: dayton

Those Creepy Clown Sightings Have Officially Reached Ohio

Via My Dayton Daily News

Reports of clown sightings started in August in South Carolina, then reports of these creepy culprits started popping up nationwide.

People in neighboring states started alerting their local police stations of clowns hanging around and now people are reporting them in Ohio and locally.

Today, Franklin police were called to an apartment complex where a woman reported being chased by someone wearing a plastic clown mask.

Franklin police were unable to locate the clown.

One man in Greenville recently reported being attacked by two clowns.

A group of children in Brookville called the police because of a clown running around in the local woods near where they lived.

The Brookville Police checked the woods and only found Halloween masks.

 


 

OK this clown thing needs to stop and needs to stop now. The past few months there’ve been clown sightings all over the US and each one seems to be freakier than the one before it. I’m beginning to start to think that there’s an underground clown crime ring and they’re about to do some shit. Think ‘F Society’ in Mr. Robot or ‘Project Mayhem’ in Fight Club… but with clowns which makes it 100% scarier than it already is. If clowns start to make their way towards the Cleveland area then we need to create some sort of clown crusade and round these assholes up one by one. I’ve seen ‘It’ and I’ve seen the carnival season of ‘American Horror Story,’ so I doubt any of the real life clowns are as scary as the TV clowns. Nothing in real life is more frightening than Pennywise. My theory is that they’re planning a big clown attack around Halloween so stay woke.

PS- Don’t let the killer clowns distract you from the fact that the Warriors…

FREEEEEDOM! Semi truck tips over in Dayton and 2,200 brave pigs escape

Via Dayton Daily News

A semitrailer has tipped and crashed on U.S. 35 West near Xenia and the resulting accident has loosed several feeder pigs that were being hauled.

We’re hearing that two people in the vehicle are OK. We’ve also learned that police and others at the scene are trying to round up the piggies to take them to the Greene County Fairgrounds. There were an estimated 2,200 feeder pigs on board and there is lots of carnage at the scene.


 

For one chance. JUST ONE CHANCE

These pigs have it. That internal instinct to not let any moment be bigger than they are. To take advantage of each and every opportunity laid out in front of them. The innate ability to handle every curveball life throws at them. Undoubtedly on the way to the slaughterhouse (maybe? I’m not well versed in feeder pig culture) these pigs stared fear in the eye, spit in fear’s eye, and they lived. They got out. They survived. There’s something to be said about a pig that can overcome and adapt in even the harshest conditions. A true warrior pig, if you will.

You just gotta keep livin, man. L-I-V-I-N.

pigupdate

FUCK. 

A Dayton guy is selling Elvis Pressley’s pube on Craigslist for $5,000

Craigslist

“All you Elvis collectors lookie here. I have a real pubic hair from Elvis Presley plucked by my ex-wife Billie Jean Flurt from Elvis crotch in 1965. I hate to part with it. But it can be yours for Christmas for $5000.00. Comes with letter of authenticity signed by Colonel Parker. I guarantee its real!”

——

Mom and Dad I know what I want for Christmas! Nothing says Happy Holidays and Yuletide Cheer like a ball hair from The King. And for only $5,000?!? STEAL.

This ad immediately raised a couple of eyebrows from yours truly:

1. Why has this guy been holding onto a pubic hair for 50 years?!?!

2. How do you put a valuation on Elvis’s pubes? Is it just one hair worth $5,000 by itself? What if there were 5 or 6 plucked? Would that be worth $25-$30,000? Fuck credit cards and certified checks, you could buy a new house with a handful of pubes.

3.  How weird is his ex-wife that she goes around plucking pubes off of people? That might be the weirdest part of all this. Why not just pluck hairs off of Elvis’s beautiful head? Weird, man…

4. Is there some special DNA used to prove that it’s a real ball hair and not just a hair off of his leg? If I’m spending 5 Grand I need a guarantee that it’s an official pube.

5. Pretty sure this guy’s ex-wife is Forrest Gump’s mom and she plucked it while a young Elvis was staying at the Gump household.

6. We’ve sold a couple t-shirts and I think the first Bottlegate purchase might have to be this pube. Screw getting on new servers or upgrading the website, I want some nut fuzz from the greatest rock and roll singer of all time.