All posts by Ai

ohio

Guy in Youngstown smokes so much weed he calls the cops on himself

October 7, 2015 Ai Leave a comment

“YOUNGSTOWN, OH (WOIO) – Police near Youngstown were called to a house Friday by a man who complained he’d gotten too high smoking marijuana.

Austintown Township police found the 22-year-old balled up in a fetal position on the floor. According to the police report, he was groaning and surrounded by snacks like Doritos, Goldfish crackers and Chips Ahoy cookies.

He reportedly told officers he couldn’t feel his hands.

A glass jar of marijuana and paraphernalia was found in the man’s car, police said. So far has not been charged.”

“Yes, hello? 911? How much pot can you smoke before you die? Asking for a friend.”

Kids these days. Laying on the floor in the fetal position covered in gluttony is more or less how like 50% of my days on earth have ended. Sack up pal. I’d actually be thankful if I lost feeling in my hands because I wouldn’t be able to shovel any more calories into my suck hole. Chug some water, sleep it off and live to see another day. Or just call the cops on yourself or whatever.

Whoever wrote the police report here deserves some sort of award though. The picture they painted in my brain is nothing short of magnificent.

Cavs

(VIDEO) LeBron, Kyrie and KLove embark on “The Quest”

October 7, 2015 Ai Leave a comment

(there’s also a behind-the-scenes video in the article)

From EW.com:

“Basketball is almost back, and 30 teams will soon embark on their own quest. It starts with Trainwreck star and occasional basketball player LeBron James and his team, the Cleveland Cavaliers — along with comedian Mike Epps — on “The Quest.”

“It’s awesome, man. The creative behind it makes sense for us,” says Cavaliers guard Kyrie Irving. “It fits for what we’re trying to do.”

The players sport desert adventurer garb and gather at the top of the dune. Sadly, the players weren’t actually shuttled to Dubai to film. EW has an exclusive behind-the-scenes video that breaks down production on the video and features interviews with Epps and Irving.

“The Quest” will also feature the Los Angeles Clippers (Chris Paul, DeAndre Jordan, Paul Pierce) with Billy Crystal and the Houston Rockets (James Harden, Dwight Howard) with D.J. Hughley, and the world champion Golden State Warriors.”

I don’t know what Black Doug from The Hangover is doing at the end there but other than that, this spot is flawless. LeBron with his compass, guiding the Cavs to Mr. Larry O’Brien. Kyrie with his staff, sticking it into the ground and stuff. And Kevin, longingly gazing at the trophy that has eluded him his whole career using a spyglass (full disclosure: I initially typed “telescope”) cause he has bad eyes or something. 30 seconds of poetry in motion.

I guess our celebrity companion could have been worse though. I want absolutely nothing to do with Billy Crystal after the Yankees got shut out at home last night, and if I’m not mistaken, D.J. Hughley isn’t a real person. Mike Epps exists, so we got that going for us.

Clutch of TNT to debut it during the NL Wild Card game tonight, too. The promise of 30 seconds of Kevin Love is more than enough ammo to convince my girlfriend to let me watch it.

Indians

Be thankful for meaningful baseball in Cleveland (and Terry Francona)

October 4, 2015 Ai Leave a comment

Your Cleveland Indians will wrap up a thoroughly disappointing 2015 campaign against the Boston Red Sox this afternoon. After last season’s this:

and this:

on top of this,

we hoped that a little bit of this:

would help make this come true:

It didn’t. And that sucked.

But for the third year in a row, Terry Francona had the Indians battling for a playoff spot until the bitter end. There’s something to be said for that.

Put away all your disdain for Nick Swisher, Michael Bourn, the Dolans, Mark Shapiro and any other of your go-to scapegoats when it comes to Cleveland baseball for a second. The goal of every team in baseball at the beginning of the year is to make the playoffs. Every game you play counts towards your record, which ultimately decides whether or not you will reach your goal. Therefore, every single game you play has the potential to determine whether or not you do reach your goal, until you’re mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.

The Indians were finally mathematically eliminated from the American League Wild Card on Wednesday, September 30th this year. They had four games left to play. So four of the 162 games in their 2015 season were pointless. They had a chance to try and reach their goal of the playoffs 98% of the times they took the field.

In 2014, the Indians were eliminated from playoff contention on September 23rd, with four games left to play. 98% of their games were meaningful.

And they obviously reached their goal in 2013 when Terry Francona led them to a Wild Card berth in his first year at the helm. So in three years in Cleveland, Francona’s team has played a total of 8 meaningless games. I know missing the playoffs is disappointing. I’m as pissed about this year as anyone. But look at the three years before Tito:

2012 – Eliminated on September 15, 16 games left
2011 – September 19th, 11 games
2010 – September 3rd, 28 games

(don’t check those)

The goal is to make the playoffs, and we failed. But believe it or not there are a couple steps in between the throne of success and the pit of failure. And number 12 is standing on Tito’s shoulders with one hand touching the top.

KEEP THE CHIEF