All posts by Mike

Cavs make Kevin Love trade official

 

Ever since the news broke about the deal involving Kevin Love and the Cavs, I’m sure myself along with every other Cleveland fan had the same thought: “What will go wrong that doesn’t allow this trade to happen?” Well after waiting and waiting, Kevin Love is officially your newest member of the Cleveland Cavaliers.

So in hindsight the Cavs traded 2 relatively unknown commodities in Wiggins and Bennett and a future draft pick for the best power forward in the NBA. Is that bad? Did we break it?

I’m just picturing Love ripping down a defensive rebound and throwing one of his patented long outlet passes to a sprinting Kyrie Irving. Kyrie takes three steps inside the halfcourt line and throws an alley oop to some guy named Lebron James who throws down a monstrous two handed dunk in front of 20,562 deranged, screaming fans. This takes all of 2.6 seconds. And will happen over and over and over again.  Holy shit I’m dizzy.

Serious question though. Where do you start and end the parade? Maybe start on East 9th, go up Euclid, weave around and end at the Q? Thats probably the best route, right?

lovelebron

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Taylor Swift vs. Nicki Minaj Music Video Showdown

 

VS.

 

 

 

Two HUGE videos dropped by two of the biggest stars in music this week. And boy, they could not be any more different. You’ve got Taylor Swift’s fun, bubbly, “Aw look at me, I’m kind of awkward but in a funny quirky way hehe” video. And then you’ve got Nicki Minaj’s softcore porno/twerk fest/music video set in the depths of the Amazon rainforest. I also needed to take a shower after I watched it.  Let’s look at the tape.

 

Outfits–  Well, this one is a bloodbath. The pictures show everything that you need to know.

 

Screen Shot 2014 08 20 at 12.01.01 AM Video: Nicki Minaj   Anaconda

Screen Shot 2014-08-20 at 12.01.26 AM

Shake-It-Off.jpg

Advantage: Nicki

 

 

Dance moves-

Anaconda8

 

Nicki Minaj

 

 

Taylor Swift Dance Tutu Gif Shake It Off

Taylor Swift Robot Shake It Off Gif

 

Sure Nicki shaking her fake ass all over the place was kind of cool but you need to do more than a couple hip thrusters to impress me. I need pizzazz. I need spark. I need some showmanship. I need some spirit. And Taylor DOMINATES this round. All you simpletons out there were probably too busy fantasizing about Nicki twerking to be able to really appreciate how Taylor moved on the screen. Her screen presence is off the charts. I mean, look at this!

Taylor Swift Dance Metallic Gif Shake It Off Video

Plus if we’re comparing backup dancers, this category turns into even more of a massacre. This guy steals the show. He may actually be the best dancer I’ve ever seen to be honest. That arm movement is nothing short of hypnotic.

tswift

 

 

Advantage: Taylor

 

 

Cinematography- I’m not even sure what cinematography is but I felt like it needed to be a category. Nicki’s video has scenes in a jungle, a dance/workout class, and ends with her dancing on some guy from Degrassi. Taylor’s video starts out in a ballet class, has some Lady Gaga futuristic scenes, and a pep rally.

 

Nicki Minaj

Gotta be honest, don’t think this exercise is doing much

 

Advantage:Nicki

 

 

Video “Replayability”– At the end of the day I do have a Y chromosome and there’s just no denying science and nature. I could watch Nicki’s video more times in a row than I could watch Taylor’s video.

 

Nicki Minaj

 

Advantage: Nicki

 

Song– Not Even close. Taylor in a LANDSLIDE. It’s catchy and if it came out in May/June it’d undoubtedly be the song of the summer. I’m 100% serious when I say I already downloaded Shake It Off on my phone and have listened to it 10+ times… The first time I watched the Anaconda video I watched it on mute. Probably the best decision of my life. To call that song “noise” would be giving it a compliment.

 

Advantage: Taylor

 

Final Tally– Tough one here. Two great candidates all around. Kinda reminds me of the Rumble In The Jungle where Ali pulled the Rope A Dope on George Foreman. The whole fight seems one sided and BOOM! A quick 5-punch combination ending with a left hook to the head. And that’s how Taylor Swift beat Nicki Minaj. By a calculated strategy that worked out for her in the end. Taylor didn’t need all the bells and ASSES whistles of the Nicki Minaj video. She brought it strong in other ways, and for that Taylor Swift is your champion.

 

50 Cent calls out Floyd Mayweather and says he’s illiterate

 

HAHAHA! SURE FLOYD YOU CAN PUNCH DUDES IN THE FACE. BUT BRO, YOU CAN’T EVEN READ!

The best takeaway from this is that you can be one of the most well known and richest dudes in the world, but if you don’t know how to read, people from all walking forms of life are going to make fun of you. I’d be lying if it wasn’t just a little satisfying knowing that the arrogant, loud mouthed, cocky Floyd Mayweather is illiterate.

But 50, why Harry Potter though? Why not some John Grisham or Stephen King? Maybe something not written for teenagers. But since 50 went the Harry Potter route, which book would you make Floyd read? Chamber of Secrets? Order of The Phoenix? Whichever one he picks just make sure the page is filled with lots of “Hermione.”  To this day that’s still one of the hardest names in literary history to pronounce.

 

But in all seriousness, can Floyd actually not read?

 

 

PS- Why don’t 50 and Nelly collaborate and make a song together? 2001 Me would be ECSTATIC.