Category Archives: Browns

Browns v Raiders Monday Game Tape

4-3. I don’t care how you get there. I don’t care who you beat. I don’t care what the score was, you’re 4-3 and right in the thick of things in a very competitive AFC North. If you would have asked me back in August if I would be happy with a 4-3 record after 7 games, I would have said “Yes” so fast it would have made your freaking head spin. When was the last time the Browns were over .500 this far into the season? 2007? (That’s just a guess. I’m not looking it up. If someone wants to, be my guest). After 15 years of shitty football, it’s nice to have an actual, competent football team to cheer for. Can you imagine if the Browns would have blown this? With the most anticipated sporting season in Cleveland history starting Thursday, the Browns would have been an afterthought. Losing 2 games in a row to 2 winless opponents is no way to keep a fanbase satisfied. Am I happy with how the offense looked? No. Am I happy with how Brian Hoyer looked? Not happy but content. Do we need to be better on third down? Oh yes. Has the defense strung together three straight games where they’ve looked good as fuck? Absolutely. Now enough of me answering my own questions. Let’s look at the damn game tape.

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The day started with the sexiest t-shirt known to man being released upon the helpless victims of the Muni Lot

TBDBITL kicked things off pregame

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God damn he looks majestic

The first half was gross. Here it is summed up in six seconds

This guy liked it though

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Jordan Cameron got concussed. How dare they hurt a man so good looking

And The King showed up (In Browns gear!)

The second half was much better. Paul Kruger had a MAN’S GAME and finished with 3 sacks.

Regular Season Game 7: Browns vs. Raiders

I’m fine with ending the Travis Benjamin experiment. Put him at receiver full time… Dare I say bring back Josh Cribbs? He couldn’t do a worse job.

Whitner and Dansby forced a fumble, Haden returned it 40 yards. Hello turning point

Which set up Hoyer + Hawkins = 6

The rookies played well on defense. Gilbert made a couple of nice plays and Kirksey was all over the place knocking dudes around like this

Kinda don’t understand why we’re not seeing more of this fella

Regular Season Game 7: Browns vs. Raiders

Mingo sighting! Mingo sighting!

And that led to Ben Tate putting the game away

A couple quick thoughts:

  • Any time the running game would like to come back, that’d be great.
  • Hopefully Billy Winn is back next week to combat the John Hughes injury (if his injury is bad)
  • Why are people bitching about the quarterback? 19-28 275 yards and a TD. Shut up. He played well.
  • Need to be better on third down if we want to beat the Buccaneers.
  • Mack, Cameron, Gordon. All Pro Bowlers, all didn’t contribute yesterday.
  • Like I said before, “Memo to the AFC, do NOT let this team be 6-4 of 7-3 by the time #12 comes back.”
  • Don’t look now but that’s three straight superb performances by the defense. Looks like Happy learned to putt.

#OnToTampaBay

PS- Hey guys…. 4 days.

Andrew Hawkins kicked his son out of the house for being an AJ Green fan

Hey Kid! What is your deal, dude? This is Dad’s house, you can’t be rooting for someone who plays for Dad’s in-state rival team. C’mon bro. This isn’t Nickelodeon or Spongebob. This isn’t recess. This shit isn’t Ninja Turtles and Lunchable. This is the National Football League. Either shape up or ship out!

-The funny thing is the kid is almost as tall as Dad. (Cheap height joke, I know hardy har har)

– That may be the cutest kid I’ve ever seen.

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(Reader Email) Steelers fan gets JACKED UP by former LFL player in the Muni lot

We got this email 2 days ago:

“So I’m a little late with this but the guy getting truck sticked in the video is my good friend and die hard Steelers fan. Now I was back at my house passed out on the couch by the time this all happened and he was very drunk and roaming around the Muni Lot all by himself wearing that James Harrison jersey so I have no idea how he ended up in this situation but it is glorious. After doing a little research, we found out the chick that tackled him is a former lingerie football league player turned body builder or something like that.  He later returned to my house jersey-less as it was ripped from his body and caught on fire… Muni Lot Life

“Muni Lot Life.” Couldn’t have said it better myself. If you wear a Steelers jersey into the Muni Lot on a Sunday though you just kind of have to go in knowing that it’ll be ripped off of your body and burned, right? That’s just common sense. Muni Lot 101.

Apparently we’re becoming a real life functioning website now that gets reader tips and emails. Couldn’t be happier. As for this incident he’s talking about, I cut down the original video and made it into GIF form:

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This was his “Oh shit” moment

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BOOM MOTHERFUCKER! Hey dude, next time you challenge a girl to a little 1 on 1 football you should make sure she’s not, ya know, a former professional women’s football player… but I digress. (And she is/was an LFL player and a fitness model, the guy who sent me the email provided pictures) I know exactly what this Steelers fan was thinking too. He was thinking that he’d just be able to go in all cute and when he went to tackle her he’d be able to grab her waist, swing her around a couple times, then gently take her to the ground while they both laughed and smiled (every guy reading this knows EXACTLY the move I’m talking about).

But nope. No sir. Little did he know he was going up against the reincarnation of Lawrence Taylor in woman form. CHOO CHOO, bitch! Now you’re concussed!

After seeing this my mind immediately thought of the South Park episode that made fun of Dan Snyder earlier this year and I think the comparison is spot on.

The Aftermath. 

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The rest of the video shows the guy stumbling around in a stupor due to the perfect combination of a mild concussion and a fifth of Jack Daniels. If people read this and scream “assault” or something of the sort, they’re morons. The guy gives her a congratulatory high five at the end. Everything is fine. We’re all buddies. Muni Lot Life.

PS- If anyone has tips, funny stories, or pictures/videos such as the one above from happenings around Cleveland, SEND THEM TO US. If you’re in line at Chipotle and Justin Gilbert orders carnitas (because carnitas is the worst choice ever) send it to us. If you see Shawn Marion slamming vodka at Barley House, send it in. If you see some guy playing dizzy bat in the muni lot and he falls on his face, send it. We’re not gonna be TMZ-like, we’ll decide if it is site worthy. We’re trying to build something here and we’d love if the readers got involved. Send stuff that’s funny, disturbing, outrageous, whatever. If you want us to write a post or do a power rankings or touch on something, let us know! We’re open to everything. If you like something, share it with your friends. If you think something we did sucks, let us know it fucking sucks. We can take it.

Send everything to Bottlegatecle@gmail.com. (can you believe someone already had “bottlegate@gmail.com” WTF man)

Muni Lot Life.

Thanks to Jarrod for the email