Category Archives: Browns

Why is the Browns Christian Kirksey the size of a leprechaun in Madden ’15?

This is what a 14-inch tall linebacker looks like. (EA Sports)

Just another form of day in and day out disrespect for the city of Cleveland. “Oh, you havent won a championship in 50 years? That sucks, now lets all laugh while we make your inside linebacker the size of a mouse.”  Ha. Ha. Ha. Good one, Madden. Very funny. Well guess who you won’t be getting $60 from? Me. That’s who. I am hereby boycotting anything and everything to do with Madden or EA Sports.**

christiankirksey

This is just cruel

Christian might be the funniest man alive

View image on Twitter

BALL!!

**Ok, that was an outright lie. I need to play as Johnny and throw bombs all over the field while “Trophies” plays in the background.

Hero Cop rescues 20-something man in Cleveland

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Just an upstanding officer of the law lending a helping hand to a man in need. Have you ever had to hold a beer bong for yourself? It sucks. Foam everywhere. This officer officer is just honoring the old credo of  “protect and serve.” With all the negative press police forces have been receiving lately, it’s nice to see the popo and civilians coexisting in harmony.

Also: Exhibit A why drinking will NEVER be banned in the muni lot.

What to Watch For- Browns vs. Bears

Ah, the 4th preseason game. The most meaningless football game (on any level) of the year. The game where starters don’t play a down yet a backup’s livelihood can depend on if they can hold their block on the punt team. While the Browns will most likely play their starters for a portion of the first quarter, the Bears have already announced that their starters won’t see the field. With tons of questions still unanswered about this team, these are a few of the ones I want to figure out:

 

1. Can the Browns 1st team offense pass the 50 yard line vs the Bears second team defense?

The offense has left much to be desired so far this preseason. Hopefully Brian Hoyer and Co. can pull their heads out of their asses and try and get some cohesion going into the regular season. I’d love to see a throw or two downfield so when teams scout us during the regular season they’ll see that we actually CAN throw the ball over 25 yards. I know in the grand scheme of things preseason football doesn’t mean shit but I think it’d be good for the Browns and their fans if the first team offense looks semi competent and maybe, just maybe, can get into the end zone.

2. Is Johnny Manziel’s new Snickers commercial the best commercial of the year or of the decade?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0_aBMgBo_k#t=12

The Budweiser Clydesdales, Terry Tate Office Linebacker, Cindy Crawford drinking a Pepsi, Johnny Manziel teaching aerobics. All-time classic commercials.  Add this one to the list.  Are there an Academy Awards for commercials? Because if so, Johnny just won them all.

3. Can Mike Pettine’s vaunted defense stop Jimmy Clausen and his cast of misfit toys offense?

The first team defense VASTLY underperformed vs. the Rams on Saturday, making teammates Shaun Hill and Austin Davis look like the 2nd coming of Joe Montana and Steve Young. The secondary got exposed and the front seven allowed Hill and Davis to sit in the pocket and sling it all over the field. Hopefully Pettine and DC Jim O’neill can draw up some blitzes to get to Jimmy Clausen and knock that stupid ugly look off his face.

4. Who will step up and claim the last receiver spot(s)?

Miles Austin, Andrew Hawkins, Nate Burleson (I think) and Travis Benjamin will all make the team. Now that Josh Gordon is officially not coming back, that means Charles Johnson, Willie Snead, Marlon Moore, and Taylor Gabriel are all fighting for the final spots. Gun to my head I say Charles Johnson and Willie Snead make the 53 man roster but we’ll see.

5. How sexy will Rex Grossman look in his Browns game uniform?

Answer: Real fucking sexy.

6. Can Johnny Manziel continue to progress?

The main thing I’ll be keeping an eye on is how comfortable Manziel looks on the field. I felt he made some good strides last week and hopefully he can continue to do just that. I’ll be extremely upset if he gets a rushing or passing touchdown and this isn’t his celebration:

johnny prance

7. Will the Browns go winless in the preseason?

I know I’ve preached time and time again that the preseason is pretty pointless but According to FootballOutsiders.com, 68 percent of winless teams go on to have a losing record in the regular season. Even if the Browns finish the preseason 1-3 it still looks A LOT better than having a zero in the win column. Hopefully tonight will be the first of 20 straight wins culminating in a Super Bowl trophy.

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PS- After the first half is over I will 100% be tuning into Texas A&M vs. South Carolina.