Category Archives: Cleveland

NE Ohio Man Steals $2,000+ Worth Of Five Hour Energy Drinks… Seems A Tad Excessive, No?

Via Cleveland Scene

According to Fox8, a man in his early 20s stole around $2,000 in 5-Hour Energy drinks between Oct. 7 and Nov. 8. In October, the thief hit up a Springfield Walmart, gliding in and perusing the shelves before taking off with the store’s entire stock of the drink. By Nov. 7, the man struck a Brimfield Walmart, lifting again the entire stock of 5-Hour Energies. However, police were able to catch up to the perp, snagging his loot before he fled on foot. There, police collected two grand in stolen energy boosters.

the energy drink snatching man was caught stealing a Northface jacket from Nordstrom Rack at Crocker Park and was promptly detained. Since his arrest, police have said cities all over the area have been calling into the Cuyahoga County jail that’s holding him saying he’s stolen from them as well. According to police, the man was reselling the drinks to convenience stores for quick cash to supplement a heroin addiction.


Ah, the ol’ Five Hour Energy five finger discount.

Now I’m a big fan of caffeine, an addict if you will. I put down a cup of coffee and 2 Five Hour Energys at the Buckeye game yesterday. But $2,000 worth of Five Hour Energys is just preposterous. Either this guy has about 4 tests to study for or he’s been partying for about 4 days straight. That’s really the only reason I take 5HE (Five Hour Energys), to study/do boring work or to party. Let’s just totally ignore the part where he was reselling the 5HEs to get money for heroin because that’s just depressing.

This leads me to another point. I think I’m becoming immune to caffeine. On a normal day I’ll have a large coffee from Dunkin Donuts or a Monster energy drink in the morning, a coffee in the afternoon, and then 2 scoops of preworkout before I go to the gym. Aside from the preworkout (that stuff is legalized meth) I don’t think I feel any effects from coffee, Red Bulls, or 5HEs. I’m pretty much immune. I could chug a 16 oz. Red Bull and fall asleep on the couch in ten minutes.

This begs the question, what’s the next step if coffee and normal caffeine has lost its luster? Do I need to upgrade to cocaine? What about Adderall? Even in college I’ve never had Adderall and I feel like I’m really missing out. I imagine if I was on Adderall I could churn out 6-7 blog posts a day easily and this blog could start making some moves. Could be fun. Or I’ll just start doing meth and this website will become a site dedicated to Cleveland sports and hard drugs. Whatever works I guess.

 

 

Best customer review ever.

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Last night was not a good night to be walking

From Cleveland.com:

“AKRON, Ohio — A 36-year-old man was hit in the head with a brick early Friday while walking his dog.

The man told police he was walking about 2:15 a.m. on Inman Street near Davies Avenue when two men approached him and asked for a cigarette.

The man refused. One of the men grabbed a brick and hit the man in the head. The man told police he fought the two men and they eventually ran away. 

In a separate incident earlier in the night, a 44-year-old man was stabbed in the chest by someone who asked him for a lighter.

The man was walking home about 10:30 p.m. on Owen Avenue at West Crosier Street when another man approached him. The 44-year-old man went to give the man a lighter, when the man stabbed him in the chest, according to police reports.”

Here’s an idea, first guy: how about not walking your dog at 2:15 in the morning? Think that may have been the play here. I don’t know Akron too well but if I’m in an area where there’s even the slightest chance of my head meeting a brick walking outside that late, I’m tossing my pup in the bathtub and dealing with the consequences later.

Also, my man’s gotta be better on his feet. The streets probably weren’t flooded with people at that time of night so I’m betting there’s a good chance he saw these dudes coming.  You gotta bob when they weave. Start cutting through people’s yards. Find a garage that’s open. Christ, walk into a house if you have to. I’ve taken some outlandish detours to avoid interactions with other human beings. If you see the homeless man talking to himself and he looks like he could be armed, you take a lap. We’ve all done it. I do it in grocery stores constantly with people I don’t feel like making small talk with. Just swing back and get  your produce later.

The 44-year-old got it rough though. There’s just no getting around it. It was only 10:30, he’s thinking hey sure I’ll be a good guy and give this gentleman a lightohhhhhhhh shit I’m stabbed. What would the guy have done if he said no? There’s no bobbing and weaving a switchblade to the sternum.

These two stories I was fine joking about because both guys were okay, but there was a third walking-related incident that didn’t end so hot:

From Cleveland.com:

“CLEVELAND, Ohio – A 31-year-old man was shot and killed late Thursday in Cleveland’s South Broadway neighborhood, police said.
The man was shot as he walked home from another house where he was watching TV with friends, police said.

His friends heard gunfire after he left. They found him in a nearby yard with multiple gunshot wounds to his legs and abdomen.

Nobody witnessed the shooting, officials said.

The killing is Cleveland’s 109th homicide this year.”

I know we don’t have all the details, but walking home from watching TV with your friends just isn’t how someone should go. 109 homicides this year. Per newsnet5.com, that’s the highest rate since 2009 when there were 120. Not a good look guys. Not a good look at all.

 

Full Video Of The Guy Falling Off A Wall In The Pit After A Browns Game. Whoops!

AAAH, I’M CLIMBING A WALL, TAKE A GOOD PICTURE, HONEY, I’M DEAD

Quick backstory: After the Browns lost to the Raiders earlier this season, this rascal here decided to climb this wall at The Pit (the other tailgating spot for Browns games). Why he decided to climb this wall is a question that will never be answered.

I’ve been waiting FOREVER for the full video to come out because all of the other ones out there ended right before he fell.  Seeing the original video without the fall was like watching the movie Seven and not finding out what’s in the box; like a 3 course meal ending after the entree; like sex with no orgasm. It just felt incomplete. As an audience we needed to see that fall. We needed to see our boy drunkenly climb those rocks and gracefully do an accidental swan dive onto pavement. Man, that was awesome. He survived. Luckily, the concrete broke his fall.

h/t Cleveland Scene