Tag Archives: police

Guy from Willoughby, Australia mistakenly calls Willoughby PD

From Cleveland.com:

“WILLOUGHBY, Ohio — The Willoughby Police Department received a call from slightly outside its jurisdiction this week when it was mistakenly connected to an Australian caller.

The man  — who was calling from the Sydney suburb of Willoughby — identified himself as a member of a local bowling club and asked if officers could help prevent break-ins.

Confusion ensued.”

That’s just good clean humor right there folks. Classic mix up. If you can’t laugh at your local police department, who can you laugh at? That’s what I always say.

“Oh right. That’s why you have an accent. Ahhhhh-kay.”

Love this Australian guy more than anything in the world. Just your stereotypical, happy-go-lucky Aussie, looking out for local businesses. He’s the reason people answer “Hmmm…Australia would be cool” when asked where they would go if they could travel anywhere. Even after the mix up, just polite as hell. “Well heck, while I have you on here how’s the weather up there?” Those kids breaking into the bowling alley were probably only doing so to practice so they could get scholarships to college, too. I wish I had an Australian friend.

PS Don’t lie you looked up what 20 degrees centigrade was in American too and also what centigrade means

Last night was not a good night to be walking

From Cleveland.com:

“AKRON, Ohio — A 36-year-old man was hit in the head with a brick early Friday while walking his dog.

The man told police he was walking about 2:15 a.m. on Inman Street near Davies Avenue when two men approached him and asked for a cigarette.

The man refused. One of the men grabbed a brick and hit the man in the head. The man told police he fought the two men and they eventually ran away. 

In a separate incident earlier in the night, a 44-year-old man was stabbed in the chest by someone who asked him for a lighter.

The man was walking home about 10:30 p.m. on Owen Avenue at West Crosier Street when another man approached him. The 44-year-old man went to give the man a lighter, when the man stabbed him in the chest, according to police reports.”

Here’s an idea, first guy: how about not walking your dog at 2:15 in the morning? Think that may have been the play here. I don’t know Akron too well but if I’m in an area where there’s even the slightest chance of my head meeting a brick walking outside that late, I’m tossing my pup in the bathtub and dealing with the consequences later.

Also, my man’s gotta be better on his feet. The streets probably weren’t flooded with people at that time of night so I’m betting there’s a good chance he saw these dudes coming.  You gotta bob when they weave. Start cutting through people’s yards. Find a garage that’s open. Christ, walk into a house if you have to. I’ve taken some outlandish detours to avoid interactions with other human beings. If you see the homeless man talking to himself and he looks like he could be armed, you take a lap. We’ve all done it. I do it in grocery stores constantly with people I don’t feel like making small talk with. Just swing back and get  your produce later.

The 44-year-old got it rough though. There’s just no getting around it. It was only 10:30, he’s thinking hey sure I’ll be a good guy and give this gentleman a lightohhhhhhhh shit I’m stabbed. What would the guy have done if he said no? There’s no bobbing and weaving a switchblade to the sternum.

These two stories I was fine joking about because both guys were okay, but there was a third walking-related incident that didn’t end so hot:

From Cleveland.com:

“CLEVELAND, Ohio – A 31-year-old man was shot and killed late Thursday in Cleveland’s South Broadway neighborhood, police said.
The man was shot as he walked home from another house where he was watching TV with friends, police said.

His friends heard gunfire after he left. They found him in a nearby yard with multiple gunshot wounds to his legs and abdomen.

Nobody witnessed the shooting, officials said.

The killing is Cleveland’s 109th homicide this year.”

I know we don’t have all the details, but walking home from watching TV with your friends just isn’t how someone should go. 109 homicides this year. Per newsnet5.com, that’s the highest rate since 2009 when there were 120. Not a good look guys. Not a good look at all.


Bold strategy as an Alliance Woman calls 911 because her Chinese food sucks


ALLIANCE, Ohio – An Alliance woman learned the hard way that bad Chinese food isn’t a justifiable reason to call 911. 

Alliance police report that they received a call around 4:30 p.m. Monday from 44-year-old Tracey McCloud who said the Chinese food she ordered from a local restaurant was “not to par.”

“I had bought some Chinese food and it’s not to par to me and I asked to get my money back and they acting like they don’t understand me and they took my food and won’t give my money back,” McCloud said to the 911 dispatcher. 

The dispatcher asked her name, and then said, “And this is why you called 911?”

“Um, what am I supposed to do? Jump over the thing and beat them up and get my money back?” McCloud asked.

Oh, your Chinese food was under par? You don’t say! You forfeit your basic human rights when you willingly eat Chinese food. You essentially agree to a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” social contract when you step foot into a Chinese restaurant. No one wants to know what is actually in the food, all we know is that it tastes delicious. No I don’t want to know that my General Tso’s Chicken is actually the chipmunk that was crawling around in the dumpster last week. No I don’t want to know that my Won Ton Soup is just tap water with a bunch of Morton’s salt poured into it. I know my fortune cookie was probably baked in 1992 and I’m OK with that. Ignorance is bliss and that’s what makes the Chinese dining experience so special.

I went to college in Alliance for 4 (and a half) years, and since when did the general population become so hoity toity? This isn’t some fine dining establishment like Applebee’s or Jalisco’s. It’d almost be more of a story if the food was up to par TBH.