So Jimmy Fallon did this last week:

To save you 3 minutes I’ll sum it up for you: A bunch of cute, slobbering, naive, dumb, young puppies incorrectly picked a food dish to eat their dinner out of. Ho hum how cute blah blah blah. How Jimmy can even leave such a monumental decision in the paws of some dumb young pups is beyond me. That’s like having a bunch of Kindergartners decide Roe V. Wade. They’re just not mentally and emotionally cut out to make that kind of decision.

What you need is a regal, sophisticated, classy, intelligent animal to make these kinds of decisions. Someone who is colorblind (literally) to school colors and preconceived notions. And that someone is this:

Without further ado, the OFFICIAL Bottlegate National Championship prediction:

Buckeyes 41 Oregon 28

— This took around 13 takes.

http://instagram.com/p/ujF9j4shMX/?modal=true

First up is Kyrie Irving and his new German Shepard (I think) puppy named Drew. After Uncle Drew, duh. O my God I can’t even deal with this right now. Too fucking cute. After Kyrie bought Boobie Gibson’s old house, he needed someone to take Keyshia Cole’s place and lil Drew is more than willing to fill that void. He’ll probably even be cleaner that Keyshia was too. (was that a cheap Keyshia Cole joke? Yes. Yes it was)

http://instagram.com/p/uoCG3UQjZC/?modal=true

And this is Josh Gordon’s new pup. Look at this little devil. Who cares about being a Pro Bowl wide receiver and leading the NFL in receiving yards, Josh Gordon is gonna pull all the ladies with his sidekick Bonnie right here. I mean, look at this face:

I have a feeling him and Swagger are gonna grow up to be best buds. Bonnie is gonna fit in quite nicely with the Dawg Pound.

Which leads me to my next question- can me, Kyrie, and Josh PLEASE have a puppy play date? I’ll bring Bodhi… Drew, Bonnie, and Bodhi. The Three Musketeers.

Oh and this is my dog Bodhi. 16 month Alaskan Malamute. He loves the Browns too pic.twitter.com/xcEC6VCAU7

— Bottlegate (@Bottlegate) October 17, 2014

PS: This is what makes us different. Other sports blogs will dissect every one of Brian Hoyer’s passes till they’re blue in the face. We’ll swoon over Cleveland athlete’s dogs. Dogs > Stats. End of discussion.