“An Indiana woman was hospitalized and another woman arrested following a fight over the last rib at a backyard barbecue.
Officers got a call referencing a stabbing around 7 p.m. According to a police report obtained by the Muncie Star Press, a woman told police she had been stabbed in the eye with a fork by Sabrina Davis, a family friend.
During the confrontation, the victim said Davis was using a fork to take meat from a pan when she turned and used the fork to stab her in the eye. The victim was taken to the hospital for lacerations and a swollen eye and later released.
Davis told officers she was acting in self-defense after the victim pulled out a knife during the argument.
“Davis states she stabbed (the victim) in the eye so she wouldn’t stab her with the knife,” the officer said.”
And….wait for it…..
“It was just so ridiculous. … Barbecue’s good and all that, but it’s not worth sticking somebody in the eye with a fork, you know?” a neighbor said.
Preach, “a neighbor”. Preach.
If there’s a more legit quote than “Barbecue’s good and all that, but it’s not worth sticking somebody in the eye with a fork, you know?”, I’d like to hear it. Versatile, too. Just substitute “barbecue” with 99.9% of things that exist on planet earth. A neighbor speaks the goddamn truf.
And just a really unsanitary move by Sabrina if you ask me. That fork was clearly to be used for the meat pan and the meat pan only. Get a separate one for human eyeball toots. Some people’s kids.
Do yourself a favor and click the link to watch the video though. I didn’t right away and the story seemed a little absurd. Then I came to the pic of Sabrina.
But there’s also some FANTASTIC black-and-white History Channel-esque action shots, and even a reenactment. Production value through the roof. That intern deserves a raise.
So in the spirit of Sabrina the Bigass Bitch….
Top Ten Things I Would Stab Somebody In The Eye With A Fork Over:
10. The last handful of sunflower seeds where all the flavor is
9. Making fun of me for ordering a Bud Light
8. Not throwing strikes in MLB The Show
7. Calling a carry in pickup basketball
6. Standing so close to me in the security line at the airport that I can hear your heartbeat
5. Someone not using a blinker then getting pissed when I don’t anticipate them cutting me off
3. Putting tomatoes on my food when I ask for no tomatoes
2. Starting “the wave” in the seventh inning of a Corey Kluber no-hitter
1. Being named Kelly Olynyk
Tweet us your most stabbable transgressions @Bottlegate