On Aug. 13 at 7 p.m. (just before the Browns’ first preseason game against the Washington Redskins), a group of fans led by local psychic medium Andrew Keith will hold a 30-minute rally to attempt to lift the curse that’s plagued Cleveland’s sports teams.
The gathering will be organized by Dave Grendzynski, a lifelong Cleveland sports fan who’s convinced that Cleveland’s history of losses have been more than just bad luck.
The Indians, Browns and Cavaliers will be each be represented symbolically by some grass, dirt or other item from their home fields. The rally hopes to aid all Cleveland sports teams, so the Gladiators and the Lake Erie Monsters won’t be left out.
OH FUCK YES!
Goodbye curse! Goodbye 4-12 record! Goodbye Factory of Sadness! Goodbye mediocre football!
Hello winning; hello success; hello touchdowns; hello Super Bowl!
If there’s one thing this city hasn’t done to rid themselves of this “curse” it’s gathering downtown and participating in some sort of black devil magic ritual. I’ll gladly show up in robes and face paint and slaughter an animal if need be. If we need pig’s blood I know a farm a couple of cities away where I could get some. What I’m saying is that I’M SO IN.
Maybe this is all we’ve needed since 1964? Just a nice Satanic themed party to somehow rid ourselves of the “Only In Cleveland” storm cloud that seems to pour down on us every season. I’ll gladly sell my soul to the devil if that can guarantee a championship. Being pretty soulless as it is, this is a no brainer.
So I’ll see you guy’s on Thursday before the Browns preseason game vs. the Redskins. I’ll be the guy dressed like this:
Besides, all curses and rituals performed in Cleveland have worked 100% of the time, right?
PS- LOVE how we included the Gladiators and Lake Erie Monsters in there. Definitely needed them in there to make this ritual authentic and legit.