Browns | Bottlegate

Yesterday wasn’t all doom and gloom because yesterday gave us this. Joe Thomas’s mug on our TV screens selling windows like he’s been doing it for years. What a performance. What a commercial. Going into the Hall of Fame at left tackle and going into the Hall of Fame as a window salesman. The fake, forced enthusiasm he uses to convince you to buy a window is the stuff they study in Acting 101. Not only will people be watching film of his play on the football field, they’ll be watching film of his performance on the silver screen.

According to Twitter the first mention of this commercial was on August 18th but I had never seen it until yesterday. So here ya go, when I see instant classics like this, I upload them to the Internet and share them with the masses. It’s not as good as Mozgov’s commercial but it will definitely go down as one of the greatest Cleveland athlete commercials ever made.

I legit lost it at “CALL Univeral Windows Direct” at the :20 mark. Such passion.

“I love my windows!”

Nowhere to go but up, baby!

Not many teams are able to overcome their starting quarterback getting a concussion on the first drive, 5 turnovers, and 12 penalties… add in the fact it’s a season opener and it says “Cleveland” on the front of their jerseys and yesterday’s loss was basically inevitable.

If we’re being honest, I can’t remember being more let down after a season opener in some time. Whatever could go wrong, did, and the Browns were never able to get out of their own way. Sigh. Ugly ugly loss.

Let’s look at the damn game tape.

Browns fans invaded the MetLife parking lots and things got pretty wild

Thought there was no chance the Browns were going to lose when Dwyane Wade showed up to the game in a Jets jersey

You knew we were in for a wild ride when Karlos Dansby somehow got lined up at cornerback (I don’t believe the Browns were in man coverage here but I could be wrong)

After moving the ball about 90 yards down the field on a pretty spectacular opening drive, Josh McCown thought he was John Elway and attempted the diving helicopter spin. Unfortunately for Josh, he is no Elway. He’s McCown. Oh, and he’d be knocked out of the game with a concussion after this hit.

Pretty nice hangtime though

https://twitter.com/Ethan_Booker/status/643113640850259968

Enter Mr. Jonathan Paul Manziel

And Johnny looked good his first couple of drives. He broke Antonio Cromartie’s ankles and completely emasculated him

Threw a bomb to Travis Benjamin for 6. His first passing TD ever

On 3rd and 19 no less

Things were looking up, Tashaun Gipson picked off Mr. Harvard…. but then got stripped by Brandon Marshall. Turning point in the game right here.

Now I know how Miami Hurricanes fans felt in that ’02 championship.

Andy Lee boomed a punt and Craig Robertson gave us a top 10 celebration dance after he made a nice tackle

When Hartline made this catch I thought it would be our day. Nah…

Don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say this is one the better catches you’ll see.

Johnny missed an open Andrew Hawkins in the end zone for a touchdown. If Hawk was taller than 4’2 it’s a catch but Johnny needs to complete that pass. Another play that could have changed the game that the Browns didn’t make. Can’t afford to leave touchdowns on the field.

(photo via @Mr_kevinjones)

Tramon Williams did his best Brock Lesnar impression. Suplex city, bitch.

Karlos Dansby made a nice stop at the goal line that didn’t really mean much. Nice hit though.

Brandon Marshall abused Joe Haden in the second half

Same player. Different uniform.
Brandon Marshall scrapes the sky for his first @NYJets TD #CLEvsNYJ http://t.co/VvVL0ME6IF

— NFL (@NFL) September 13, 2015

Andrew Hawkins might be dead

Johnny Manziel fumbled approximately 15 times. Thought he had big hands?

And then the clock hit zero and the Browns lost 31-10.

0-1 to start the season, where have we heard that before??? 11 straight opening day losses. I’m not even mad, that’s incredible.

Couple quick thoughts

Saw this on Twitter- The Browns had 230 days to prepare for this game… and we got… that
Our supposed strength (offensive line) was pretty subpar yesterday. Pass protection was OK… but the run game struggled when the offensive line was unable to open holes. Jets do have a very good defense but come on.
You’ll never win a game in the NFL if your top 2 rushers are both of your quarterbacks.
A pass rush would be pretty cool. No sacks + no pressure = an average quarterback like Ryan Fitzpatrick being able to convert important 3rd downs and throwing 2 touchdown passes. Opposing quarterbacks are salivating to play this pass rush.
Hey Josh, you’re 36. Can’t be taking those hits, bro. We love your passion and the fact you try and gain every last inch, but let’s tone down the intensity a little bit. You’re not Marshawn Lynch.
Thought Johnny looked… ok? He didn’t take one snap with the 1st team offense the whole week leading up to practice, and it showed. He seemed much more comfortable in the pocket than last year and actually looked like he belonged in the NFL. I think the fumbles were a result of him trying to do too much and trying to come back from a big deficit. If this team finds itself in a 10-14 point hole and has to play from behind, this could be a long season.
Good luck throwing to those Grade A playmakers whoever gets the start under center.
Tramon Williams looked pretty good.
Andy Lee has a fucking BAZOOKA for a leg.
Why does Joe Haden seem to always struggle at the beginning of the season? I thought he’d shut down Marshall because he usually has trouble with the quick, shifty, smaller receivers (Antonio Brown). I’m not entirely concerned with our Pro Bowl cornerback but he had a pretty rough week one.
How stupid will the folks in Berea look if Marcus Mariota (who they were interested in drafting) comes into First Energy Stadium and lights up this Browns defense? Don’t even want to think about that.
Run defense looks improved. JK. It still stinks.