Category Archives: General

Kim Kardashian might have the moves to become an NFL fullback

From The Huffington Post-

Kardashian arrived at the show in a chauffeured car along with Kanye West and Kris Jenner. The vehicle was surrounded by hundreds of photographers and onlookers waiting to catch a glimpse of the stars. After she exited the right-side passenger door,Kardashian was tackled by someone from her right side, according to video obtained by TMZ.

In the chaotic footage, Jenner yells “Stop it!” and someone says “Oh my God.” A security guard grabbed the reality star as other security personnel intervened. Kardashian, Jenner and West were then escorted away.

 

 

Damn, did you see the way she just brushed aside that defender? That’s some William “The Refrigerator” Perry power right there. I’ve always knew she had the lower body strength to be a goal line back but I’ve always been concerned with her quickness and her ball handling. On private tape she shows good hip flexibility and the ability to really finish off a play and score. She doesn’t dance around, just looks for the quickest way to put the pigskin in her the end zone. Kim knows that it’s all about a game of inches. She does seem to struggle in blocking and has an affinity to allow penetration into the backfield. While she can play multiple positions, she is most definitely not a Tight End. Ray Agnew watch your back. She’s Armenian, shaped like a can of Campbell’s Chunky Soup, can break tackles, and runs downhill with a full head of steam. Kim Kardashian Alstott.

 

PS- Real cool outfits, guys

kim kardashian balmain

36

Sure the Indians lost. But at least you’re not this skunk with it’s head stuck in a beer can.

Skunk Stuck Beer Can

From the AP-

 This photo taken Sunday, Sept. 14, 2014, in Oxford, Ohio, by police officer Matt Hatfield and provided by the Oxford police department, shows a skunk with it’s head stuck in a beer can near a fraternity house at Miami (Ohio) University. An animal control officer was able to free and release the skunk without being sprayed. (AP Photo/Oxford Police Department, Matt Hatfield)

Damn, man. Such a sad story. No one ever likes to see someone suffering like this. It’s tragic really…. And by tragic I’m 100% referring to the skunk being forced to drink a Miller Lite. Since this happened on a college campus is this considered hazing? Can we get a fraternity banned from Miami U for this? Someone needs to answer some questions here. Was this the skunk’s doing? C’mon Pepé Le Pew, no one drinks Miller Lite nowadays on their own terms. At least be a man about it and order a Budweiser, Stinky.

Now I don’t want to laugh at this because I almost feel sorry for the the animal. But in my lifetime I’ve had terrible luck with skunks. In high school my dog got sprayed while I was getting ready for school. Somehow the stink got transferred to me. Long story short I walked into school that day and immediately stunk up the ENTIRE school. When I say entire school, I mean the entire school. Every class I went to I had to sit by an open window. Had to go home after 3 periods because I stunk so bad. I was a freshman. It was traumatizing. So forgive me if I have no sympathy for some stupid skunk being stupid and getting its stupid head stuck in a stupid Miller Lite can.

This gives a whole new meaning to the term “drunk as a skunk.” (Darren Rovell would love that joke)

Cedar Point announces it’s keeping The Mantis. Weird because Bottlegate told you this 3 weeks ago.

I mean I don’t want to pump my tires too much but who was the first one to say The Mantis was sticking around at Cedar Point? That Cedar Point was trying to pull a fast one on all of us by saying they’re tearing down a rollercoaster that’s not even 20 years old?

People laughed. People scoffed. I was turned into a punching bag. A laughingstock. “Mike you idiot, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” “Mike don’t quit your day job.” But I kept my head down and kept chuggin along because that’s just how I’m wired. I didn’t give up and took the advice of the one and only J. Biebs and I said “Never Say Never.” I was backed into a corner but I always knew deep down in my heart of hearts that one day I’d be exonerated. And that day is today.

Now it’s technically not “The Mantis” because they’re changing it from a stand up, testicle busting coaster to a sit down, floorless coaster. They’re also changing the name and calling it “Rougarou” which in French folklore is/was a werewolf creature who prowled the swamps of New Orleans, Louisiana. Great decision by Cedar Point. Stand up rollercoasters SUCK.

(If anyone was wondering, the werewolf is BY FAR the best mythical monster. Fuck Twilight and Edward and Bella. #TeamJacob till I die.)

See, this is the kind of hard hitting stuff you’ll find here on Bottlegate. We’re not going to bore you with statistics and numbers till your eyes fall out. We’ll entertain you, make you laugh, cry, smile, and make you think. We’re more than just a box score. What other “sports” site in Cleveland will have your back like Bottlegate will? Answer: None.

Here’s my original post on Cedar Point and The Mantis

You’ll see that the post was about 97% right. If Cedar Point didn’t bitch out with not naming the coaster after Lebron, that 97% becomes 100%.

Take a virtual ride on Rougarou