Category Archives: NBA

Recasting The Entire Space Jam Movie For 2016

So the only big Cavs basketball news (the playoff games aren’t big news, Atlanta stinks and Miami and Toronto both stink) this past week is that LeBron will be starring in an upcoming Space Jam remake.


Am I excited about the remake of a classic 90s movie that was a staple in every kid’s house growing up? Yes and no. The remake is never as good as the original but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about how the new cast of actors and NBA superstars shakes out. Who plays the Bill Murray role? Who are the 5 NBA players that get their powers stolen?

Here’s how I would do it:

LeBron in the MJ role

Obviously. The current best player in the world. Maybe LeBron will decide he wants to pursue a career in football like MJ decided he wanted to pursue a baseball career. I’m eager to see what direction they take with this.

Had trouble picking the starting 5 for the 2015 Monstars. The original Monstars were made up of Charles Barkley, Shawn Bradley, Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, and Patrick Ewing. 2 centers, 2 power forwards, and one very short point guard. My first attempt at picking the current crop looked like the 2015 NBA All Star game but that’s not how the original movie’s team was constructed. The original Monstars had the game’s tallest player (Bradley) and the game’s shortest (Bogues).

Apparently JR Smith might be in the movie. This is great for 2 things: 1) He’d be a great shooter and a Monstar JR Smith would be amazing. 2) He’d probably slide into Lola Bunny’s DMs asking if she wants the pipe.

I’m not including JR Smith in this lineup unless it gets 100% confirmed.

For the 2016 roster, it’ll be made up of 3 point guards and 2 power forwards.

Russell Westbrook

Gotta have the biggest athletic freak in the game here. I’m already laughing at the thought of him slashing down the lane and dunking on Daffy Duck’s face.


Steph Curry

I imagine when he’s a Monstar he’ll have a super annoying 2 year old Monstar following him around. Also, he’s a pretty decent shooter. Don’t really know which Looney Tune is going to be able to guard an alien Steph.


Isaiah Thomas

The obligatory short player in the Mugsy Bogues role. He was mostly chosen because the original roster was only comprised with players from the west. He’s actually pretty decent too.


Blake Griffin

Most powerful dunker in the game. Can see him packing Foghorn Leghorn up into a ball and then jumping over a Kia to throw down a dunk from the foul line.

Seeing all of his commercials and endorsement deals you’ll know that Blake also is legitimately funny and would have the most speaking parts in the movie aside from LeBron. He may be the best pick of all the NBA players. He fits the Monstar role perfectly and he’ll steal the show as an actor.


Dirk Nowitzki

I originally had Anthony Davis in this sport because him and his unibrow as an alien would be hilarious. I decided to stick with the “very tall funny white guy from the Dallas Mavericks” theme from the first movie and Dirk fits the bill perfectly. There’s too much potential for a tall Monstar who can shoot threes and has a thick German accent to leave him out.


Vince Vaughn as Bill Murray

Need a quick witted guy in this role and let’s be honest, Vince needs some good pub after the disaster that was True Detective season 2. Vince will be a good sidekick to LeBron and I’m guessing he has some basketball chops as well. He’s also 6’4 but sometimes gets dunked on


Kevin Hart as Wayne Knight

I have Kevin Hart exhaustion but him and Bron are boys and their chemistry here would probably actually produce a couple laughs.


Kobe Bryan as Larry Bird

Kobe fills the “recently retired rival” role that Larry Bird played in the original. I don’t really see Kobe being much of a golfer though.


Skip Bayless as Jim Rome

LeBron’s biggest critic, the hot take king, and arguably the most recognizable face in sports media makes this a no brainer


Did I just cast the movie of the year? I don’t know, maybe. Comment below on who’d you pick or tweet us @Bottlegate


This blog was originally supposed to be posted on Wednesday of last week so I’m sorry.



Sad Video Of Former Cavalier Delonte West Dancing Outside Of A Strip Mall In Maryland

From The Daily Mail

The family of NBA veteran Delonte West insists he is getting the medical help he needs to overcome bipolar – despite troubling new footage of him bellowing at kids and dancing wildly at a strip mall.

Former Cavaliers guard West, 32, was seen wandering barefoot around a Houston parking lot over the weekend looking bleary-eyed and disheveled.

The shock images uploaded to Instagram sparked fears for the former first-round pick who banked $16 million from the NBA but has not played in the league for four years and has previously disclosed his lifelong battle with depression.

Daily Mail Online has learned that spiraling debts have left West more than $150,000 in the red and facing foreclosure on one of his two Maryland homes.

However his brother Dmitri spoke exclusively to Daily Mail Online  to reassure fans that West was not in any danger and is undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder.

More videos at The Daily Mail

Man. Someone needs to reach out to Delonte and needs to reach out fast because this doesn’t look good. Obviously we don’t know the whole story here and 20 seconds of video doesn’t tell any kind of story… but from the looks of things this isn’t the same Delonte we remember during his playing days in the NBA.

He was one of the faces of those 2008-2010 Cavs teams. When you think of those teams you think of LeBron, Z, Andy, Mo, and Delonte.

Hopefully someone reaches out and he gets the help he needs.

PS- With all the people tweeting and offering support for Johnny Manziel, how about directing that support to someone who, ya know, actually needs it?


TBT: That Time LeBron & Kevin Durant Played Flag Football At The University Of Akron

You can watch the whole game on this YouTube channel

If you remember back in 2011 during the NBA lockout, LeBron and Kevin Durant were working out together in Akron and once played a flag football game at Akron’s indoor facility.

I remember watching this live on an Internet stream and thinking this was the coolest thing ever (even though it was in 2011 and that was peak hatred for LeBron for us in Cleveland). Seeing LeBron with that pick six just reaffirmed the thought that he would be an absolute beast in football.

There’s really no rhyme or reason to this post other than I went down a rabbit hole last night of trying to find LeBron James high school football clips. After reading this column by Ben Axelrod about the college football recruitment of LeBron, my interest was piqued and I ventured to YouTube to find some clips of him on the gridiron. The clips above and this clip were really the only ones I could find:

Why are these the only clips of LeBron playing football on the Internet? That seems like something that people in the media and bloggers (me, kinda) would go crazy for. There’s basically a highlight reel for every high school football player ever. Why not have one for the best basketball player on the planet who was an All Ohio wide receiver that was getting recruited by Ohio State, Alabama, Miami, or Notre Dame? This, to me, is one of the biggest travesties of the entire Internet.

If someone finds some footage of LeBron playing football, let me know.