Jesus, OBJ. What can’t this guy do? Seriously. Rookie of the year, dodgeball all-star…
…friend of LeBron James
and now adds “Professional Dunker” to the list. And to think the Browns could have drafted him instead of Justin Gilbert… *rushes to the nearest garbage can and throws up for six straight hours*
This was OBJ last April before the draft (why did we not take him why did we not take him why did we not take him why did we not…)
We came. We saw. We conquered. If you took any of the advice from yesterday’s post there’s a chance you’ve probably already quit your job and/or are on your way to an all inclusive resort in the Bahama paid for by all your winnings from yesterday.
Let’s look at the tape:
Patriots (-2) & OVER/UNDER 47.5
Patriots won by 4 and the game total was 52
Easy money.
WIN and WIN
First player to score a touchdown
The pick: Marshawn Lynch, Julian Edelman, Shane Vereen
Like I said in the post, I’ve NEVER gotten one of these right. Brandon LaFell was +1,400 so hopefully some of you hit on that.
LOSS
OVER/UNDER National Anthem Length
The pick: Over 2 minutes and 1 second
Never a doubt. You know Idina was going to bring the flair and dramatics to the biggest sporting event in the world. Only a sucker would’ve bet the under.
It seems people had some insider info on the anthem length because it was taken off the board on some sites
Multiple MAX bets on OVER 122.5 secs (length of National Anthem). Insider info suspected. Betting suspended by sportsbook.ag
Which coach will be mentioned first after kickoff & which coach will be shown first after kickoff?
Pick: Belichick for both.
This Super Bowl was all about Bill and the Patriots
WIN and WIN
Bill Belichick’s hoodie: Sleeves or no sleeves?
Pick: Sleeves
Like I said, Belichick knew about this prop bet and knew cut off sleeves were the favorite. He 100% wore sleeves just to spite everyone.
WIN
Will Uptown Funk be used in a commercial?
Pick Yes +500
Bet of the day comes through.
WIN
How many viewers will the game have?
Pick: Over 113 million
There were 114.4 people that tuned in.
WIN
Katy Perry’s first song
Pick: Wide Awake
Really really messed this one up. Tried going for it all with the 12/1 odds with Wide Awake and not just going with the easy 3/2 odds with Roar. It’s called gambling for a reason. Losers take the safe route. Pretty sure she didn’t even sing Wide Awake.
LOSS
Will Katy Perry show cleavage?
Pick: Yes
Was honestly hoping for more but this was easy enough. When you’re blessed with the beautiful gifts that Katy is blessed with you make sure the entire country gets an eyeful.
Left shark killed it.
WIN
Katy Perry’s hair color
Pick: Purple
Tried to out think myself again and I did. I said it would either be purple or black/brown and it ended up being black.
LOSS
A commercial will feature under-inflated footballs
Pick: Yes +1,000
Said that this probably wouldn’t happen and alas, it didn’t. The +1,000 was too juicy to pass up though
LOSS
Gatorade bath color
Pick: Red
I picked red not really thinking it would be red since yellow mostly wins these all the time. Surprise surprise it ended up being blue.
LOSS
Who will the MVP thank first?
Pick: Teammates
Good ol Tommy Touchdown thanking the men around him. What a guy.
WIN
Final Count 11 wins and 5 losses with most of the losses being on longshots that you wouldn’t put any significant money on anyway. Hopefully you guys took the advice and won some cash.
The 2015 Super Bowl commericals were kind of meh. Every year you go in expecting these amazing awesome commercials and every year you’re always left disappointed. We had kids dying, Fiats getting boners, pigs flying, lost dogs, and movie trailers. Here’s the top 13 ranked:
The dumbest:
McDonald’s Payment thing
Dumbest commercial ever. Here, take my dollar and hand me my McChicken, please. McDonald’s has really been trying hard at this “heartwarming commercial” thing and each one has backfired and been met with criticism. Everyone knows your food is unhealthy as fuck. Quit trying to be something you’re not and let me enjoy my Quarter Pounder and fries. I know it’s bad for me and I’m still going to willingly eat it.
The Best
13. Jeff Bridges Squarespace
Still don’t know what Squarespace is but anything with The Dude creepily humming next to a sleeping couple always makes the list.
12. Jurassic World Trailer
Can’t. Wait.
11. Nationwide Dead Kid
This commercial went 100 to 0 real quick. What the fuck, Nationwide? Biggest stage in the world and you hit us across the face with this?
“I hope you’re enjoying this Super Bowl between two great teams but don’t enjoy it too much because right now your child could be taking a bath and he’s probably going to drown and die a terrible slow death. Now here’s some insurance you can buy.”
This by no means is an endorsement of this commercial but you can’t deny the impact it had. By far the most talked about commercial of the night.
10. Carl’s Jr w/Charlotte McKinney
Carl’s Jr. introduced an all natural burger. Hey Nationwide, let’s follow the script from Carl’s Jr. here… Instead of dead kids depressing everyone how about we use burgers & hot swimsuit models that make everyone happy?
9. Snickers Brady Bunch
Solid B.
8. Loctite Glue
7. Avocados Animal Draft
Just great execution all around. Can you imagine the numbers the kangaroo probably put up at the combine?
6. Doritos pigs fly
Good stuff. There’s a Browns/Super Bowl joke in there somewhere.
5. Skittles Arm Wrestling
If we’re being completely honest the first thing I thought of was Family Guy and the Quagmire internet porn scene.
4. Fiat Blue Pill
Fiat coming in strong with boner jokes. Giving a Fiat a Viagra is like giving a Japanese guy a Viagra. Even when it gets bigger it still doesn’t handle well, leaves the driver unsatisfied, and is still pretty small.
3. Doritos Middle Seat
Anyone who’s ever flown knows the horrors of sitting next to a passenger from hell on an airplane. You’re always next to the guy who takes up the armrest and whose belly fat spills into your seat.
2. Microsoft Braylon O’Neill
Awesome. And I thought I was brave for going out in last night’s snowstorm to pick up pizza. Cheers to this little guy.
(I thought this was gonna take a very dark turn after that Nationwide commercial)
1. Budweiser Lost Dog
Was there ever a doubt? Americans love puppies, the Budweiser clydesdales, and happy endings. Anheuser Busch hit it out of the park per usual.
Bottlegate 