Ah, to be young, stoned, and an eternal optimist again.
Whatever this kid is on I want double the dosage everyday for the rest of my life. That’s gotta be some strong shit.
Here’s the backstory from the man himself:
Not a .500 record. Not a wild card berth in the playoffs. The Super Bowl. He’s so out of it that he thinks the Browns (at 200-1) will be representing the AFC in the biggest sporting event in America. Hey, if RGIII shocks people, the defense comes together, and our rookie class contributes…….
So he thinks he’s downtown and going to the Browns game. Fair enough. But is he really that different than someone who’s been in the Muni Lot for 5 straight hours?
I don’t know if it’s just me or what but I feel like I haven’t seen one of these puppies in quite some time. After going to school in New York for four years and living in North Carolina for one, I had almost forgotten about the 30 second installments of sensual raspiness that Norton Furniture treats Northeastern Ohioans. Mark got himself back on my radar last night in a BIG way. His advocacy of Taco Bell’s new Quesalupa was the only Super Bowl commercial that got the rewind button some action at our party (Mashable explains their whole marketing campaign here. Spoiler alert, it’s genius.)
So in honor of your boy finally getting his cup of coffee in the advertising big leagues, we’ve power ranked his top 5 performances of all time.
We came. We saw. We conquered. If you took any of the advice from yesterday’s post there’s a chance you’ve probably already quit your job and/or are on your way to an all inclusive resort in the Bahama paid for by all your winnings from yesterday.
Let’s look at the tape:
Patriots (-2) & OVER/UNDER 47.5
Patriots won by 4 and the game total was 52
Easy money.
WIN and WIN
First player to score a touchdown
The pick: Marshawn Lynch, Julian Edelman, Shane Vereen
Like I said in the post, I’ve NEVER gotten one of these right. Brandon LaFell was +1,400 so hopefully some of you hit on that.
LOSS
OVER/UNDER National Anthem Length
The pick: Over 2 minutes and 1 second
Never a doubt. You know Idina was going to bring the flair and dramatics to the biggest sporting event in the world. Only a sucker would’ve bet the under.
It seems people had some insider info on the anthem length because it was taken off the board on some sites
Multiple MAX bets on OVER 122.5 secs (length of National Anthem). Insider info suspected. Betting suspended by sportsbook.ag
Which coach will be mentioned first after kickoff & which coach will be shown first after kickoff?
Pick: Belichick for both.
This Super Bowl was all about Bill and the Patriots
WIN and WIN
Bill Belichick’s hoodie: Sleeves or no sleeves?
Pick: Sleeves
Like I said, Belichick knew about this prop bet and knew cut off sleeves were the favorite. He 100% wore sleeves just to spite everyone.
WIN
Will Uptown Funk be used in a commercial?
Pick Yes +500
Bet of the day comes through.
WIN
How many viewers will the game have?
Pick: Over 113 million
There were 114.4 people that tuned in.
WIN
Katy Perry’s first song
Pick: Wide Awake
Really really messed this one up. Tried going for it all with the 12/1 odds with Wide Awake and not just going with the easy 3/2 odds with Roar. It’s called gambling for a reason. Losers take the safe route. Pretty sure she didn’t even sing Wide Awake.
LOSS
Will Katy Perry show cleavage?
Pick: Yes
Was honestly hoping for more but this was easy enough. When you’re blessed with the beautiful gifts that Katy is blessed with you make sure the entire country gets an eyeful.
Left shark killed it.
WIN
Katy Perry’s hair color
Pick: Purple
Tried to out think myself again and I did. I said it would either be purple or black/brown and it ended up being black.
LOSS
A commercial will feature under-inflated footballs
Pick: Yes +1,000
Said that this probably wouldn’t happen and alas, it didn’t. The +1,000 was too juicy to pass up though
LOSS
Gatorade bath color
Pick: Red
I picked red not really thinking it would be red since yellow mostly wins these all the time. Surprise surprise it ended up being blue.
LOSS
Who will the MVP thank first?
Pick: Teammates
Good ol Tommy Touchdown thanking the men around him. What a guy.
WIN
Final Count 11 wins and 5 losses with most of the losses being on longshots that you wouldn’t put any significant money on anyway. Hopefully you guys took the advice and won some cash.
Bottlegate 