Cedar Point says it’s closing The Mantis. Cedar Point must think we’re idiots.

SANDUSKY, Ohio — Cedar Point announced Tuesday the closing of one of its rides with a cryptic YouTube video. In it, troubled guests scream, “Why would you do this?!” as the Grim Reaper roams through the park. The video reveals “Mantis gets squashed Oct. 19.”

You’re kidding right? How many people actually believe the Mantis is closing forever? 4? 5? Um, hello does no one remember this tweet from Cedar Point in July?

But then I put on my Google Search hard hat and dug a little deeper:

And I found this quote from Bryan Edwards, the PR Manager at Cedar Point talking about how they would rename the coaster- “We haven’t really determined to what degree we would do it,” Mr. Edwards said. “It could be just a fun weekend renaming, or rename a coaster for the season, or perhaps at the end of the year, rename one permanently”

“A fun weekend renaming.”  “Perhaps at the end of the year.”

That’s all you need to read right there, guys. Anything big happening around October 19th? Anyone have a season starting around then? Any big athlete making a return? The Cavs season starts October 30th. What better way for Cedar Point to gain some publicity and good PR than to have the renaming of their coaster coincide with the beginning of arguably the most anticipated season in Ohio sports history? You think that’s just a coincidence?

Pretty sure little ol’ Bottlegate.com just scooped everyone in America.

My guess is it’s called “Return of The King” and I bet Lebron is even in attendance.

Why is the Browns Christian Kirksey the size of a leprechaun in Madden ’15?

This is what a 14-inch tall linebacker looks like. (EA Sports)

Just another form of day in and day out disrespect for the city of Cleveland. “Oh, you havent won a championship in 50 years? That sucks, now lets all laugh while we make your inside linebacker the size of a mouse.”  Ha. Ha. Ha. Good one, Madden. Very funny. Well guess who you won’t be getting $60 from? Me. That’s who. I am hereby boycotting anything and everything to do with Madden or EA Sports.**

christiankirksey

This is just cruel

Christian might be the funniest man alive

View image on Twitter

BALL!!

**Ok, that was an outright lie. I need to play as Johnny and throw bombs all over the field while “Trophies” plays in the background.

Bird poops on ice cream cone. Woman unknowingly eats it

Whoops! That’ll end your precious little vacation pretty damn quick, huh? My main takeaways:

1. The guy filming that allowed her to eat the poop is 100% the biggest asshole of 2014. That’s a crime punishable by death.

2. Always have your head on a swivel when you’re eating ice cream outside. Can never be too careful.

3. Having a bird poop on you is one of nature’s cruelest jokes. Wouldn’t be surprised if after this happened, the couple just packed up their belongings and ended their vacation right then and there. Can’t have the constant threat of being shit on in the back of your mind while you’re laying on the beach.

birdpoop

4. This is the biggest asshole YouTube comment I’ve seen in some time.

ivo

Hey Ivo, how about I stick to eating my processed food and drinking caffeine everyday and you can literally go eat shit everyday. We’ll come back in a month and see who’s happier.

5. There’s a 75% chance this video is fake but it made me laugh so I couldn’t not post it.

Cleveland