Tag Archives: Cleveland Browns

Browns

Sure The Browns Lost By 21 Points, But Craig Robertson Had The Celebration Of The Year

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Death, taxes, Browns losing the season opener. Sure we gave up 31 points to the Jets and our offensive and defensive units looked pathetic… but at least we know how to fucking celebrate.

A+++ moves from Craig Robertson here.

At least we know our punt team won’t let us down.

 

via @wjcgibson
via @wjcgibson

Best response to the Vine

Get Craig a damn sword!

Alcohol, Bottlegate, Browns

Bottlegate’s Browns-Jets Drinking Game #DrinkLikeABrown

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Time for the first edition of our 2015 Cleveland Browns Drinking Game. You know what they say “If the team on your TV isn’t very good, it’s time to get wasted.” If you don’t look like this after this Browns game, then you’re doing it wrong:

We’ll try and post a new drinking game every week with rules specific to each Browns opponent. Bring on the god damn Jets.

drinkinggamejets

THE RULES

1 healthy gulp

  • Camera shows Johnny Manziel on the sidelines
  • Karlos Dansby solo tackle
  • Camera shows Mike Pettine on the sidelines and he has zero expression on his face
  • Either team kicks a field goal
  • Any turnover
  • View of the NYC skyline
  • Any penalty
  • A Browns player gets a sack
  • A Browns player (besides Joe Haden) breaks up a pass

2 gulps

  • Every time an analyst says the word “Harvard”
  • Every time an analyst says “Revis Island”
  • Mention of Terrelle Pryor getting cut
  • Joe Haden pass breakup
  • The words “elbow” and “Johnny Manziel” are mentioned in the same sentence
  • “Buster Skrine used to play for the Browns”
  • Either team scores a touchdown

5 gulps

  • A mention of the Browns lacking playmakers on offense
  • Mention of Geno Smith getting punched
  • Mention of Ray Farmer texting
  • Paul Kruger sack
  • Mention of the Browns new uniforms
  • Mention that Pettine used to coach for the Jets
  • Either team goes 3 and out
  • Brian Hoyer is mentioned

Finish your beer

  • The telecast brings up the Browns record in season openers
  • Josh McCown throws a pick six
  • Either team scores on a safety
  • Joe Haden or Darrelle Revis interception
  • A quarterback is knocked out of the game
  • Johnny Manziel passing or rushing touchdown

Shotgun/Beer bong/Full chug

  • A defensive player scores a TD (either team)
  • A game winning or tying field goal
  • A touchdown as time runs out at the end of the game
  • Browns win

 

Browns

The Browns May Make The Super Bowl, They May Not. A Super Quick 2015 Season Preview

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And we’re back! Cleveland Browns football is here.

brownsscheduleW

After an interesting offseason we finally get to bitch about what the Browns are doing on the field, and not what’s happening off of it. Can the run defense improve upon their pitiful showing from last year? Will Josh McCown be serviceable? How will Danny Shelton look? Is the secondary as good as advertised? What about Johnny Manziel? Will he play? Kicking game? Can Cleveland improve upon their solid showing in the AFC North last season?

There are so many unanswered questions going into this season, no one has any idea what is going to happen. Could be fun.

We’ll go over the 3 phrases in Kyle Shanahan Powerpoint bulletpoint form (told you it was a quick preview)

Offense

  • Lack of playmakers
  • Quarterback needs to manage the game, not turn the ball over, and make timely throws. AKA the most cliche requirements ever. Basically, just don’t suck.
  • Good offensive line needs to be great
  • Breakout players: Taylor Gabriel, Isaiah Crowell
  • X-factor: Duuuuuke Johnson
  • Offensive MVP: Crowell

Gonna need a lot of this

I’m trying to not be pessimistic about the Browns offense this year so here we go: We have a good offensive line and our wide receivers will look good in the new jerseys. Other than that I just can’t get excited about the offensive outlook for this year. IF the running game can get going, it’ll be imperative to call a good gameplan for the quarterback and receivers. IF Josh McCown throws 30+ times a game we won’t win.

Defense

  • Supposed strength of the team
  • STRONG secondary
  • Run defense needs to improve from a year ago
  • Turnovers, turnovers, turnovers
  • Breakout players: Chris Kirksey, Armonty Bryant
  • X-factor: Tramon Williams
  • Defensive MVP: Karlos Dansby

The defense will need to be the strong unit on this team. Kruger will need 10+ sacks. Our front seven will need to put consistent pressure on opposing quarterbacks so our DBs can sit back and ball out. The addition of Danny Shelton will undoubtedly help against the run but the jury is still out on the rush defense. I think Chris Kirksey will turn some heads this season. Hopefully our defenders can thrive in their 2nd year in Jim O’Neil’s defensive system.

Special teams

  • Unknown at kicker
  • Punter is a BEAST
  • Hopefully Benjamins return vs. Tampa Bay is a good sign of things to come

Andy Lee. Andy Lee. Andy Lee. Never been so excited about a punter in my life.

 

Season Outlook

  • The Browns
  • The Browns will go
  • The Browns will go 10-6.
  • The Browns will go 10-6. Sometime.
  • The Browns will go 10-6. Sometime. Maybe.
  • The Browns will go 10-6. Sometime. Maybe. In our lifetime.

Just like last year I see the Browns hanging around until the final weeks. They’ll be “in the hunt” and not mathematically eliminated until the end of the season. A lot of analysts and media types are predicting doom and gloom this season but I honestly just don’t see it. Barring any catastrophic injury to our elite players (Haden & Thomas) I think this team has a real chance to make the AFC North interesting. A LOT has to go our way to have any real shot at the playoffs but crazier things have happened, I think. And nothing says “confidence in your team” more than the quote “crazier things have happened.”

8-8.