From Cleveland.com:

“CLEVELAND, Ohio — A bullet and a kiss – that’s what a man got Sunday in a Cleveland park. A gunman fired a shot into the 19-year-old before planting a kiss on his lips.

No arrests have been made in the shooting, which happened about 9:45 p.m. in a wooded area at Carol McLendon Park on East 98th Street.  

The 19-year-old man and his 20-year-old friend were listening to music and talking at the park. A man they didn’t know slowly walked by the duo and asked for their names.

The two men said their names and the stranger ordered them to the ground before pulling out a gun. He then shot the 19 year old, police reports say.

The man demanded the keys to the 19-year-old’s car. The gunman grabbed the keys, then asked the man for a kiss. He knelt down and kissed the man on the lips and told him: “You have a sexy ass.””

God I love Cleveland.com. We’ve had a bit of a summer lull in the absurd crime stories over the past couple months, but seriously, just look at it:

“Nah. I wouldn’t click that.” – absolutely no one

The article goes on to say that the shooter couldn’t get the car to start, so he took off on foot. A woman that lives by the park heard a man shouting that he’d been shot, so she called the cops and they carried him to an ambulance when they arrived.

One minute you’re jamming out to some tunes in the park with your friend, the next you’re getting shot and then kissed on the lips and then complimented on your butt and then your car almost gets stolen and then you get carried to an ambulance by a couple police officers. Think the “Life comes at you fast” movement just found a new poster boy.

Hope he’s OK though.