Tag Archives: nfl

Congratulations Browns Fans, You’re The 4th Drunkest Fanbase In The NFL

Via Vinepair

While some NFL fans are known to be rowdier than others, no one ever took it upon themselves to quantify the levels of intoxication around the league…until now. We reached out to the folks atBACtrack — who make personal smartphone-linked breathalyzers — to investigate. They crunched the data over the first seven weeks of the 2015 NFL season (Sundays only) and the results are in.

drunkfans


  1. Bills
  2. Lions
  3. Eagles
  4. Browns
  5. Cardinals

No surprise that these teams make up the top 5. When a team never wins a Super Bowl, it inevitably means their fans are going to booze more. Can’t win rings, can’t be sober. Who cares if the product on the field is shitty when you can drink 15 beers and still have an OK time? Browns fans know this line of reasoning all too well.

After yesterday’s Ray Farmer press conference I wouldn’t be surprised if the Browns vault into the top 3 pretty soon. What a debacle that was. You needed a stiff drink just to handle the words that your ears were hearing. If there was a ranking of “drunkest fans during owner and GM press conferences,” I think the Browns would be in first.

I’m almost positive this guy was the deciding factor on if the Browns would be in 5th or 4th place.

drunkjohnnyfan

Also, what’s up with Cincinnati? .016? WTF? Do you guys even NFL, bro? Can’t you walk like 15 feet into Kentucky and buy the 190 proof Everclear? Who knew Cincy was filled with a bunch of Debbie Downers?

Never change, Cleveland

1517084_983881381681737_1248205368_n

sciencecenterpassedout

https://twitter.com/badenhop91/status/648220313495412736/video/1

Guess Which NFL Team (And Player) Has The Highest Selling Jerseys Among Female Fans? Hint: Browns

Via Dick’s Sporting Goods

Highest selling team:

brownsfemalejersey

Highest selling player overall:

hadenfemalejersey

Highest selling defensive players:

defensivejerseys

top-selling-womens-nfl-jerseys-by-state

A few takeaways from theses rankings

  • This has NOTHING to do with the Browns getting new jerseys. Nope. Nothing. Cleveland women just love their Brownies that much. (It has everything to do with new jerseys)

 

  • I’m not saying you’re basic if you’re a girl and you only have a Haden jersey but I’m not saying you’re not basic either. Go to the Muni Lot or FirstEnergy Stadium and I’m sure 85-90% of the girls in jerseys are sporting a Joe H. We need a little more versatility out of our ladies on Sundays.

 

  • I think if I ever saw a girl rocking a Danny Shelton jersey I’d probably fall in love? There’s something to be said for a girl who willingly rocks a defensive tackle’s #71 jersey.

 

  • There’s really not many good options when you Google “female Browns fans” and that’s a shame because I’ve seen tons of talent downtown on Sundays for Browns games.

 

  • On to St. Louis.

The Browns Twitter account shows promise… but in the end gets owned by the Arizona Cardinals

A little backstory here: Thursday afternoon the Browns tweeted out this picture of First Energy Stadium.

The stadium is looking sexy no doubt.

The Arizona Cardinals innocently decided to respond to the tweet:

Pretty harmless, right?

“Hey your old coach is now our current coach. SMALL WORLD LOL. Crazy, huh?”

Well. Apparently the Browns decided to start swinging their big dicks around on Twitter and responded with this:

Boom.

goingnuts

But wait. The Cardinals have had some success recently and apparently that was lost on whoever is running the Browns Twitter account because the Cardinals shot back with this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A

Shit.

Well that backfired.

A lot of the blogs and the pundits out there are going to be like “LOL Browns” and “Browns gonna Brown” but not me. Nope. Won’t do it. I love that the Browns took a shot at another team. If you’ve read anything on this website before, you might have noticed that we’re HUGE fans of false confidence. It doesn’t matter if you suck, always carry yourself like you’re the best. That’s how I want my sports teams to act and that’s how I want the fans of my sports team to act. Sure the stats and history of the team won’t back you up, but I want my team to go out swinging. Ruffle some feathers. Piss some people off on Twitter. It’s not like the Browns were tweeting at the ’85 Bears, it’s the fucking Arizona Cardinals.

If I ran the Browns social media accounts I would act like it’s my first day in the prison yard. What do you do on the first day of prison? You find the biggest baddest sonofabitch and you slug him across the face. You want to give off that “There’s a new sheriff in town, don’t fuck with me” vibe.

I’d start talking shit to the best teams in the NFL on Twitter:

@Patriots Hey congrats on those Super Bowls*****  ps- We fired your head coach. Enjoy our sloppy seconds.

@Seahawks Way to pass on the 1 yard line you doofuses!

@Packers Brandon. Bostick.

@Broncos Enjoy losing in the Divisional round this year.

So I say good first step, Browns. Let’s build on this and start going after the big dogs in the NFL. Shoot for the moon and if you miss you’ll land among the stars.