33-year-old Garfield Heights woman throws banger of the year for daughter’s 16th birthday

From Cleveland.com:

“GARFIELD HEIGHTS, Ohio – A Saturday night house party on the 4000 block of Turney Road resulted in riots, police chases and seven arrests, police said.

Police responded to reports of a crowd of around 200 people crowding the streets and blocking sidewalks outside of a party around 9 p.m.

Officers used verbal orders and pepper spray to try to get the crowd under control.”

“Police later found out that the party was a birthday celebration hosted by a 33-year-old woman for her daughter. She faces no charges.”

“The crowd covered an area from Garfield Drive to McCracken Boulevard.

At one point, about 20 people ransacked Speedway gas station on Turney Road and stole food, police said.”

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Curveball: This wasn’t a house party. As our friendly and not-racist Cleveland.com commenters  pointed out, this get together was apparently held at “Rising Stars Academy of Cheer and Dance”.

So pretty much Project X meets My Super Sweet 16 with Bring It On as their waitress on their first date.

This is what their Facebook page looks like:

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So basically 200 ish people, ranging in age from 14 to 33, were pissed off enough that they couldn’t get into one of those girls’ 16th birthday party that they started a full blown riot, jumped on cars, threw rocks through windows, cussed at police officers, caused said officers to use pepper spray and taze a 17-year-old and robbed a gas station. Did I get that right?

Now admittedly I’m not too familiar with the party scene in Garfield Heights nowadays but I gotta be missing something here. A large congregation of teenage cheerleaders are celebrating a 16th birthday party in an enclosed area and these 200 people wanted in on that? I mean I guess if you’re into choreography and migraines but that’s definitely not my bag. Why else would these people want to get into this party so bad? Is the Rising Stars Academy of Cheer running the biggest drug ring in the state of Ohio? I don’t know but I’m certainly not ruling it out.

And the people who are pissed that the mother isn’t getting charged with anything can take a flying leap. Her bad for throwing a birthday party for her daughter that was so awesome the entire city wanted to go.

PS What a story this will be for this girl to tell later in life. “I wasn’t too popular in high school.” “Sames, except that one time where a couple hundred people started a riot when my mom wouldn’t let them in my birthday party.”

PPS Whatever happened to Cheri Oteri? She was Kristen Wiig before Kristen Wiig. Simma down na? Just good clean humor.

 

 

Mike Polk killed it again with his Steeler Week PSA

I’ve been saying it for years now- How Mike Polk isn’t more nationally known is an American tragedy. By far one of the funniest guys in America today. I saw him do stand up at the Willoughby Brewing Company last year and it was incredible. Coupled with about 11 pumpkin beers (girly boy, I know) and him rattling off joke after joke I almost threw up all over the lady in front of me. Whatevs. She shouldn’t have been sitting in the splash zone.

“Their defense is old and broken and their 40 year old sex offender quarterback has no cartilage left in his body.”

This picture. NAILED IT.

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Here are links to his other classics for good measure:

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video Part 1

Part 2

“Factory of Sadness” 

PS- Can’t wait to see that kid in the Dawg Pound drunk off his ass in about 15 years

Browns v Titans Monday Game Tape

4 games played. 4 games decided by a TOTAL of 8 points. Could be 4-0, could easily be 0-4. I have no idea what to think of this team, all I know is that the second half of yesterday’s game was FUN. Being down 25 points to coming back and winning by 1. The largest comeback by a road team in the history in the NFL… The Music City Miracle Pt. 2?  I have a feeling it’s going to be like this all season so I think it’s time to invest in some heart medicine. What’s a good brand? …And to think I was tweeting about how I wanted Johnny Manziel to play in the second half and that Travis Benjamin sucks. Whoops! Nailed that one. Let’s look at the tape.

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Regular Season Game 4: Browns vs Titans

Even though he had a pretty underwhelming game, can you imagine trying to tackle Isaiah Crowell? No freaking thanks.

Under the circumstances (coming off a bye, playing the Titans) the 1st half was… the worst display of Browns football I’ve seen

Kyle Shanahan was not impressed

I like these two

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Hey Jake Locker, this is football. You don’t play it in a dress. Man up, dude.

GIF: Jake Locker took a nasty shot to the head in the end zone from Browns Christian Kirksey

(Def. a cheap shot, whatever. Not my team not my problem)

This led to some fights and lil Nate Washington trying to fight Phil Taylor. Now Nate, let me sit you down for a second. I admit I’m not the smartest man alive, but when you’re a 6’1 175 lb wide receiver you may not want to pick a fight with Phil Taylor. But what do I know?

Jim Dray provided the only TD of the first half

Regular Season Game 4: Browns vs Titans

So we went into the half down by 18

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But then the third quarter got prettttty interesting

And it started with this muffed punt that turned out not to be a muffed punt

Love our fans

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How this wasn’t pass interference is mind boggling

Definitely thought the game was over at this point

And I think Mike Pettine thought the same thing. Language, coach! There’s families!

Turning point in the game. Tank Carder- not good at Twitter, good at blocking punts

Ms. Johnny’s sister, just relax and be patient

Then some no name asshole tried taking out the best O lineman in the league, Joe Thomas

Hoyer showed there’s more than 1 QB who can improvise

The fans that made the trip down were great

Chaz Whitehurst tried the most pathetic QB sneak of all time. Ken Whisenhunt challenged it like an idiot and lost. Thank God we didn’t hire that guy!

So the Browns took over and Hoyer marched it right down their Titan throats

https://twitter.com/CaseyKulas/status/518857813796618241

Regular Season Game 4: Browns vs Titans

I think this is where I stopped breathing for a little bit

Good thing Clipboard Jesus is accurate downfield

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A couple plays later the clock ran out and your Cleveland Browns got to 2-2

https://twitter.com/JOSH_GORDONXII/status/518861390862614528

Game balls- Taylor Gabriel, Brian Hoyer, Ben Tate, Armonty Bryant, K’Waun Williams, Billy Cundiff

2-2 sounds SO MUCH better than 1-3. I think I love this team? When everything is stacked against them, they refuse to fold and refuse to die. I don’t know if that’s a sign of good coaching or a sign of good veteran leadership in the locker room. Either way this year just feels different, ya know? Now let’s get ready for Pittsburgh and get on a little winning streak here.

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PS- If you’re not reading the Bottlegate game previews then I guess you don’t like money

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