Category Archives: Cleveland

Don’t worry, guys. There’s going to be a ritual downtown to lift the Cleveland sports curse

August 6, 2015 Mike Leave a comment

On Aug. 13 at 7 p.m. (just before the Browns’ first preseason game against the Washington Redskins), a group of fans led by local psychic medium Andrew Keith will hold a 30-minute rally to attempt to lift the curse that’s plagued Cleveland’s sports teams.

The gathering will be organized by Dave Grendzynski, a lifelong Cleveland sports fan who’s convinced that Cleveland’s history of losses have been more than just bad luck.

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The Indians, Browns and Cavaliers will be each be represented symbolically by some grass, dirt or other item from their home fields. The rally hopes to aid all Cleveland sports teams, so the Gladiators and the Lake Erie Monsters won’t be left out.

OH FUCK YES!

Goodbye curse! Goodbye 4-12 record! Goodbye Factory of Sadness! Goodbye mediocre football!

Hello winning; hello success; hello touchdowns; hello Super Bowl!

If there’s one thing this city hasn’t done to rid themselves of this “curse” it’s gathering downtown and participating in some sort of black devil magic ritual. I’ll gladly show up in robes and face paint and slaughter an animal if need be. If we need pig’s blood I know a farm a couple of cities away where I could get some. What I’m saying is that I’M SO IN.

Maybe this is all we’ve needed since 1964? Just a nice Satanic themed party to somehow rid ourselves of the “Only In Cleveland” storm cloud that seems to pour down on us every season. I’ll gladly sell my soul to the devil if that can guarantee a championship. Being pretty soulless as it is, this is a no brainer.

So I’ll see you guy’s on Thursday before the Browns preseason game vs. the Redskins. I’ll be the guy dressed like this:

Besides, all curses and rituals performed in Cleveland have worked 100% of the time, right?

PS- LOVE how we included the Gladiators and Lake Erie Monsters in there. Definitely needed them in there to make this ritual authentic and legit.

Cleveland, WTF

Ridin Dirty! Elyria Man Leads Police On A Very Low Speed Chase While Riding A Scooter

July 31, 2015 Mike Leave a comment

Via Cleveland Scene

A local man driving a motorized wheelchair was apprehended yesterday following a low-speed police chase in Elyria.

Complaints had trickled in over the last few days after a man was spotted driving his motor scooter on roadways and into traffic, even keying vehicles as he went by. Yesterday, Elyria police attempted to take action and pull the man over near the 400 block of Cleveland Street, but the man — later identified as 31-year-old Graham L. Ley — evaded the officers by cutting across four lanes of traffic.

A low-speed chase ensued as Ley crested the sidewalk on East Bridge, refusing to pull over. A second patrol car was deployed to cut the man off, bringing Ley and his motor scooter to a stop just before a car wash.

It’s not often but you know how sometimes you find yourself rooting for the civilian to escape the cops? It happens to me when one of those bozos runs onto a baseball field and is somehow able to evade the 5-0 with wit, speed, and guts. This is basically the same feeling I had while watching this video. I found myself rooting for the Scooter Man to go all Fast & The Furious and press the Nitrous button and blow on past them.

What’s the law being broken here anyway? Being too badass? Being the king of the Elyria roadways? Looking TOO good while smoking a cigarette on a scooter? I don’t know, man. This seems like a waste of time to arrest this guy.

(turn the volume on)

The man was arrested for Resisting Arrest, Obstructing Official Business, Disorderly Conduct, Criminal Damage and Failure to Comply.

Cavs, Cleveland

Kevin Love in ESPN The Magazine’s Body Issue is why the fire emoji was invented

July 6, 2015 Ai Leave a comment

From ESPN.com:

“ON HIS SHOULDER INJURY:

I was really looking forward to the playoffs. This injury is one of the hardest things I’ve dealt with. It was really tough to go out the way that I did. I knew when it happened I probably wasn’t going to be able to return to play. But when I heard the news that I was going to have to get surgery, and be out for four to six months, it was a big, big blow to me.

Of course I was pissed. I was very emotional. And that was seen and heard, what I said [about Olynyk’s allegedly dirty play]. I wanted to make this deep run with these guys and be out there on the floor. That was very tough, from a human aspect

You don’t want to have any bad blood; the NBA is an elite fraternity. As time went on, I was upset, but I always knew that I was going to get to the point where I could talk to Kelly and say, “Hey, man. All good.” So we could move on. So I asked my agent to get me Kelly’s number. And that was it, just a text exchange: “Just want to let you know, no hard feelings. It’s all part of the game.” It was very genuine. He told me he appreciated it. I didn’t want him to worry about what anyone was saying these days. I expressed that I was initially very upset, which I thought was understandable. But I don’t think he is that type of player. We’re cool.

ON HIS WEIGHT STRUGGLES:

Oh, you couldn’t keep me out of the cupboards. Especially sixth through eighth grade, I was always very hungry. That’s when I was growing. And my mom was a great cook; I was very spoiled when I was young. Her fettuccine alfredo? Yeah, you eat that on a regular basis and you’re not gonna be in the Body Issue.

ON FITNESS:

I’m not going to go any lower than my weight now. I know that I have to play inside; I have to contend with people who are bigger, faster, stronger than me. But I’m trying to add things to my game. I’m trying to be able to run faster and have fresh legs every day. I’m fit, and I’m focused.”

I think there’s more Q&A in the article but I can’t say for sure because I watched the video then I passed out.

Sweet Baby Ray’s on a toasted onion roll, he’s a specimen. He looks kind of gangly at times when he’s sporting a sweaty undershirt and baggy number 0 on the court but this little spread here leaves no doubt: I would not kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Ritz family size, have at it Kev. I’ll pop open each sleeve myself.

Click the link for the full article, video and other goodies from The Body issue. You can pick one up at newsstands starting July 10th, right after you call your taxi cab from a payphone.

And to Kevin….I’m so sorry.