Category Archives: WTF

Ridin Dirty! Elyria Man Leads Police On A Very Low Speed Chase While Riding A Scooter

Via Cleveland Scene

A local man driving a motorized wheelchair was apprehended yesterday following a low-speed police chase in Elyria.

Complaints had trickled in over the last few days after a man was spotted driving his motor scooter on roadways and into traffic, even keying vehicles as he went by. Yesterday, Elyria police attempted to take action and pull the man over near the 400 block of Cleveland Street, but the man — later identified as 31-year-old Graham L. Ley — evaded the officers by cutting across four lanes of traffic.

A low-speed chase ensued as Ley crested the sidewalk on East Bridge, refusing to pull over. A second patrol car was deployed to cut the man off, bringing Ley and his motor scooter to a stop just before a car wash.


It’s not often but you know how sometimes you find yourself rooting for the civilian to escape the cops? It happens to me when one of those bozos runs onto a baseball field and is somehow able to evade the 5-0 with wit, speed, and guts. This is basically the same feeling I had while watching this video. I found myself rooting for the Scooter Man to go all Fast & The Furious and press the Nitrous button and blow on past them.

What’s the law being broken here anyway? Being too badass? Being the king of the Elyria roadways? Looking TOO good while smoking a cigarette on a scooter? I don’t know, man. This seems like a waste of time to arrest this guy.

(turn the volume on)

The man was arrested for Resisting Arrest, Obstructing Official Business, Disorderly Conduct, Criminal Damage and Failure to Comply.

Ohio Woman Says Her Cousin Burnt Her Garage Down Because “he’s mad he can’t get with me”

(video gets good around the 1 minute mark)

“He’s mad because he can’t get with me. I’m married to my husband and it’s a long story…”

Well. OK ya little firecracker!

Props to the interviewer for keeping it together and not keeling over from laughter after she dropped the line about her cousin wanting to bang her. That’s the beauty of live TV, it’s like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. And that’s how these things go viral. Sometimes you’ll get gems like Antoine Dodson, or the Bubb Rubb guy, and sometimes you’ll get people referring to incest with their cousin.

This woman’s husband…. just pray for him. He’s had a rough month.

 sat725

Ohio woman stabs dude in the dick with a pen because he ate all of her salsa

From KRON 4

OHIO (KRON) — An Ohio woman is accused of stabbing her boyfriend in the groin after he ate her salsa Sunday evening.

According to police, 50-year-old Phyllis Jefferson stabbed her boyfriend, 61-year-old Ronnie D. Buckner, using a pen after she discovered he had eaten all of her salsa.

When Buckner called 9-1-1, Jefferson fled the scene.  Responding officers found Buckner on the floor with stab wounds.

According to officials, Buckner was transported to the hospital and treated for injuries considered non life-threatening.

Jefferson was arrested later in the evening when highway officers pulled her over.  Jefferson admitted to the stabbing, and is charged with felonious assault and criminal damages.


 

A pen? You used a Bic to stab a guy in his junk? That’s it. Lock this woman away for life. We live in a society, we can’t have women running around all willy nilly stabbing groins with ballpoint pens. Can’t have it. Won’t have it.

On one hand, I can see why she’d be so upset. Running out of salsa/dip is ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER. Have you ever had a plain Tostito/Lay’s chip? Boring. Not for me. It’s like a lightly salted thin piece of tree bark. I need that salsa con queso or french onion dip on every chip I eat (this probably explains my double chin).

Finishing the last bit of salsa is probably not “stab your partner repeatedly in his reproductive organ with an ink pen until he bleeds” bad… But it’s still pretty terrible. The least he could have done was offer to go down to Speedway and pick up a new jar. C’mon, relationships are a two way street. Everyone knows that.

 

This was also a very enjoyable headline to write.