From Ohio.com

An Akron man, angry for days because he had no money to buy bourbon or crack cocaine, tossed Coca-Cola and chili at his girlfriend during a fight inside their home, police said.

Richard Thomas Hamric, 56, was arrested following the quarrel Friday afternoon on Lindsay Avenue.

Police said Hamric’s girlfriend called 911 from a locked bedroom to say he was angry and attacking her. She told police he was agitated because he had no money and was out of crack cocaine and bourbon.

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First things first… How is he able to afford  Coca Cola and chili but he can’t afford crack? I thought crack was like the cheapest drug on the market. Crack is for the homeless people who can’t afford the cool drugs like cocaine and heroin, right? If he’s so hard up for money then why is he wasting money on pop and chili? Just a piss poor allocation of funds by this guy.

Everyone knows when you’re on cocaine you lose your appetite anyway. The chili is pointless. I’m sure the Coke was to mix with the bourbon but c’mon, grow up. You’re 56 and 56 year olds drink their bourbon on the rocks. Be a man and lose the mixer.

Second thing, angry for days that he couldn’t buy crack? Where’s the hustle? I imagine crack to cost like 5 bucks (sorry I’m not very up on the street value of crack cocaine).  C’mon bro you’ve gotta be going car to car at red lights offering to clean their windshield or standing on the side of a highway.

No drive + no desire + no crack = no $$$ for crack cocaine

He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That guy’s  gotta think ‘You gotta crack problem. You got a responsibility.’ If you can’t find any money or crack you don’t look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking crack!

Obligatory: Maybe the best character from The Chappelle Show