What do you do when you have a few days off from work? Well, I, like the rest of the Cavs, like to drink some alcohol, let loose, and turn up in someone’s basement. Maybe put on some of the newest rap tunes and hang out with my buddies and a magazine cutout.
See, we aren’t that different from NBA players.
Let’s look at the game tape
I know it’s for leg room but sitting passenger in an Uber when you’re the only person in it is kind of a psycho move. I don’t know about this Channing guy…
Beer, Five Hour, chapstick, and mints. Add some Tums in there and this is literally what I venture out with every weekend. I think me and Lil Kev would run in the same circle.
Hermosa Beach? As in Hermosa Beach in Los Angeles? Fuck. Kevin Love is going to the Lakers, isn’t he?
Dad and son.
Here’s the green tea and espresso story that Channing Frye was referencing
“He’s been shooting too much sometimes, man. Ask those two.”
BALLSY move by Channing to steal LeBron’s seat at the table and then tell him that he shoots to much. What do you expect from a guy who willingly sits shotgun in an Uber though?
And now the dance party started
Maybe my favorite part of the whole thing. You just know Kev and RJ aren’t familiar with the new hip hop songs being played. Put on some 2000s 50 Cent and EVERYONE knows the words. You can even hear Kevin rap the words at the end. Classic white guy move to not know the words but only rap the chorus.
This coat is small on Channing Frye but would probably be down to your knees if you put it on.
Precious cargo strapped in.
Tristan is definitely the guy that stands up on the seat and dances and then spills his drink on you when the party bus hits a bump.
The MVP. Who doesn’t fist pump when a good Calvin Harris song comes on?
What a night. Felt like I was a part of it. My only suggestion would be to add a few more players. You know JR would put on for the Snap and I’d love to see Mozgov and Kyrie get some more shine as well.
“Jaret Edwards’ perfect game in which he struck out every batter he faced Thursday in St. Edward’s 10-0 varsity baseball victory over John Marshall in League Park is starting to gain national attention.
John Marshall has a lot of young players on its team, but regardless of the level of competition, striking out every batter is an accomplishment that not even a tiny fraction of pitchers at any level ever attain.
“It is incredibly hard to be perfect, which is why they call it a perfect game,” Coach Rosinski said. “There have only been 23 in the Major Leagues. For him to throw nothing but strikes and not walk a guy and then punch them out is not the easiest thing. He was even behind the count a couple balls on some batters. He found a way to still make quality pitches.”
This season the George Washington University-bound Edwards is 4-1 with an 0.96 ERA and 57 strikeouts in 45 innings. He’s walked 14 and allowed 26 hits.”
Not bad, not bad.
I know the Senate league isn’t exactly a perennial power house or anything but hey, you pitch against who steps into that box. A high school pitcher throwing enough strikes to not only not walk a batter, but strike every batter he faced out is pretty damn impressive. Hat tip, definite hat tip.
His classes today were probably pretty cool too.
“Hey Jaret, how’d the game go?”
“Not bad. We won. I struck out everybody.”
Kinda feel bad that he’s going to GW though. Go Bonnies.
So the only big Cavs basketball news (the playoff games aren’t big news, Atlanta stinks and Miami and Toronto both stink) this past week is that LeBron will be starring in an upcoming Space Jam remake.
Am I excited about the remake of a classic 90s movie that was a staple in every kid’s house growing up? Yes and no. The remake is never as good as the original but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about how the new cast of actors and NBA superstars shakes out. Who plays the Bill Murray role? Who are the 5 NBA players that get their powers stolen?
Here’s how I would do it:
LeBron in the MJ role
Obviously. The current best player in the world. Maybe LeBron will decide he wants to pursue a career in football like MJ decided he wanted to pursue a baseball career. I’m eager to see what direction they take with this.
—
Had trouble picking the starting 5 for the 2015 Monstars. The original Monstars were made up of Charles Barkley, Shawn Bradley, Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, and Patrick Ewing. 2 centers, 2 power forwards, and one very short point guard. My first attempt at picking the current crop looked like the 2015 NBA All Star game but that’s not how the original movie’s team was constructed. The original Monstars had the game’s tallest player (Bradley) and the game’s shortest (Bogues).
Apparently JR Smith might be in the movie. This is great for 2 things: 1) He’d be a great shooter and a Monstar JR Smith would be amazing. 2) He’d probably slide into Lola Bunny’s DMs asking if she wants the pipe.
I’m not including JR Smith in this lineup unless it gets 100% confirmed.
For the 2016 roster, it’ll be made up of 3 point guards and 2 power forwards.
Russell Westbrook
Gotta have the biggest athletic freak in the game here. I’m already laughing at the thought of him slashing down the lane and dunking on Daffy Duck’s face.
Steph Curry
I imagine when he’s a Monstar he’ll have a super annoying 2 year old Monstar following him around. Also, he’s a pretty decent shooter. Don’t really know which Looney Tune is going to be able to guard an alien Steph.
Isaiah Thomas
The obligatory short player in the Mugsy Bogues role. He was mostly chosen because the original roster was only comprised with players from the west. He’s actually pretty decent too.
Blake Griffin
Most powerful dunker in the game. Can see him packing Foghorn Leghorn up into a ball and then jumping over a Kia to throw down a dunk from the foul line.
Seeing all of his commercials and endorsement deals you’ll know that Blake also is legitimately funny and would have the most speaking parts in the movie aside from LeBron. He may be the best pick of all the NBA players. He fits the Monstar role perfectly and he’ll steal the show as an actor.
Dirk Nowitzki
I originally had Anthony Davis in this sport because him and his unibrow as an alien would be hilarious. I decided to stick with the “very tall funny white guy from the Dallas Mavericks” theme from the first movie and Dirk fits the bill perfectly. There’s too much potential for a tall Monstar who can shoot threes and has a thick German accent to leave him out.
Vince Vaughn as Bill Murray
Need a quick witted guy in this role and let’s be honest, Vince needs some good pub after the disaster that was True Detective season 2. Vince will be a good sidekick to LeBron and I’m guessing he has some basketball chops as well. He’s also 6’4 but sometimes gets dunked on
Kevin Hart as Wayne Knight
I have Kevin Hart exhaustion but him and Bron are boys and their chemistry here would probably actually produce a couple laughs.
Kobe Bryan as Larry Bird
Kobe fills the “recently retired rival” role that Larry Bird played in the original. I don’t really see Kobe being much of a golfer though.
Skip Bayless as Jim Rome
LeBron’s biggest critic, the hot take king, and arguably the most recognizable face in sports media makes this a no brainer
Did I just cast the movie of the year? I don’t know, maybe. Comment below on who’d you pick or tweet us @Bottlegate
This blog was originally supposed to be posted on Wednesday of last week so I’m sorry.
Bottlegate 