Quick backstory- The Daily Mail tweeted this headline out earlier today:
And if there was ever an award for “fishing for a story” the Daily Mail would win hands down. The very definition of clickbait. But that’s neither here nor there. No one cares about that shitty headline. The real question here is if regular people like you and I actually do tip at Chipotle. I’ve probably been to Chipotle hundreds of times in my life (double chicken or double chicken/barbacoa is what real men order) and not once has the thought of tipping even crossed my mind. When I step up to the register I’m more focused on the slim possibility of not getting charged for my double meat burrito instead of worrying about leaving a tip for the nice woman who doled out enough sour cream on my food that would stop a normal man’s heart. Leaving a buck or two in the tip jar is the absolutely last thing on my mind. (Do they even have a tip jar?)
I don’t know, am I the dickhead here for not even thinking tipping at Chipotle was an option? Would people tip at Wendy’s or McDonald’s? That’s what I compare it to. Chipotle is a spot or two higher up on the totem pole compared to the chain burger joints.
Now this isn’t to say I don’t appreciate what the fine men and women employed by Chipotle do. I love each and every one of them. Aside from the president and lawmakers in this country, I’d say the Chipotle workers behind the glass are the most important people in the fabric of our society. They provide joy for millions upon millions people daily and are one of the main reasons why America is the greatest country in the world. Our country wouldn’t be where it is today without burritos, bowls, barbacoa, chips, and guac.
The Cavs posted the above picture on their Instagram account last night after they throttled the Miami Heat last night 113-93. What really caught my eye was the bro with the courtside seats trying to high five LeBron. How did he get those seats? Who’s that girl he’s with? ButI digress…
The thing that most caught my attention was this guy’s wardrobe; mainly his lack of an undershirt under his LeBron jersey.
I’d like to pose the question to everyone reading this: Is wearing a basketball jersey w/no t-shirt underneath an acceptable look for an NBA game? Let’s give it a quick breakdown.
The argument for no undershirt
You get a nice breeze so your armpits won’t sweat because sweaty armpits fuck up your whole day
If you consistently work out it’s a great excuse to show off your delts and bis
You don’t look like every white NCAA basketball player of all time
You can show off your sick tribal tattoo
Better arm mobility if you need to put your arm around a girl or catch a shirt from the t-shirt cannon
The argument for an undershirt
People will think you’re a tool if you show up indoors without sleeves on
You can show off your sick tribal tattoo
They can cover up those gross unsightly hairs on the back of your arm and upper shoulder
If you haven’t hit the gym in awhile, they can cover up those skinny twigs you call arms
An undershirt will keep your arms warm if the arena is a tad chilly
So let’s vote:
UPDATE: Apparently this guy in the main picture proposed to his girlfriend on the Humungotron and she said yes. Big win for #TeamNoUndershirt here
Making the already tacky in-game proposal even worse, dude in Cleveland just did it wearing a Cavs jersey with no T-shirt underneath.
Sports. The one area of our social landscape illuminated by the bright lights where physical attractiveness is completely irrelevant. Turn on your TV or go to the movies and you’ll see some of the best looking people on the planet. Yeah we may root for the underdog on The Voice but we’d all rather watch Carrie Underwood kick around in her cowboy boots for an hour. Who’s grandma going to vote for in the election: a 60 year old saggy neck or a 40 year old with a tailored suit and a million dollar smile? It’s obviously no coincidence that 95% of people in the public eye are easy on it. But you can fall from the ugly tree, hit every branch on the way down and still play quarterback in the NFL. Just ask Curtis Painter.
So we thought it our duty here at Bottlegate to take a look at the athletes that play for our sports teams through those same fabulous, bedazzled lenses as we do the rest of the celebrities in the world. Take a minute to make your picks below, then look out for our personal picks and the results from your votes later this week.
If you don’t see an athlete listed that you would have voted for, click “other” and leave a comment at the bottom of the page telling us who we left out.
We’re keeping the results hidden until we reveal them next week.
Now for the big one. The most distinguished award of them all. The title of “Cleveland’s Hottest Professional Athlete.”