All posts by Ai

Cleveland.com Comments of the Week: 11/29/15

COTW

During my daily peruse for content on Cleveland.com, I sift through some of the comments and save a handful to share with you all once a week. So when you’re hungover and clinging to life on a Sunday morning, come on over to Bottlegate and let us talk you off the ledge.

COTW Archives


Lady Antebellum’s Charles Kelley postpones Saturday’s solo show in Cleveland

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Kangaroo escapes, goes on a walkabout in North Ridgeville (photos)

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Man robbed at gunpoint for Nike Air Jordan sneakers listed for sale on Instagram

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Jon Gruden on Johnny Manziel: ‘Hopefully this awakens him; if you stay with him, you’ll be glad you did’

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If you see a comment that needs to be shared with the world, tweet those over to @Bottlegate or shoot us an email at bottlegatecle@gmail.com.

The “kissing bug” is a lot more horrifying than it sounds

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From Cleveland.com:

“A potentially deadly disease carried by the “kissing bug” has made its way into more than half of the United States.

The inch-long triatomine bug is called the “kissing bug” because it has a habit of feeding on blood by biting around the lips and faces of people while they sleep, CNN reported.

It’s not the bite that’s deadly, but rather the bug’s other unfortunate habit of defecating on the bite afterward. Some kissing bugs are infected with the parasite Trypanosoma cruzi, which can be transmitted in the fecal material, and cause the potentially deadly Chagas disease.

Chagas disease most often causes flu-like symptoms like fever, body aches and vomiting. However, 20-30 percent of those infected with the disease can contract chronic conditions, including difficulty breathing, chest pains and sudden death. WECT-TV reports that these symptoms can remain dormant for up to 20 years.”

So just to run through that again real quick…the kissing bug is about an inch long, bites people, shits on their face and/or in their mouths, and can give you a deadly disease that can be dormant in your body for up to 20 years.

Nope.

What a dickhead this kissing bug is. Exactly no parts of its existence are okay. At one inch, it’s not enormous but any bug I can tell is a bug immediately without squinting and asking “Is that a bug?” deserves to die. It bites around your face and lips. I got chills just typing that sentence picturing one of these assholes crawling on my face. They then SHIT IN THE BITE HOLE THEY JUST MADE. What. Part. Of. That. Is. Okay? Plain and simple, in the animal kingdom, if you shit on the face of another living being, your entire species deserves to die a thousand deaths. Can you imagine some psychopath guy walking around biting people and pooping on their faces? In their mouths? Ghandi would buy a glock on the black market and ship it to Mother Teresa so she could put a clip into him herself. And I thought the morning anxiety I get after a night of drinking was bad…I’m going to wake up wondering if a bug bit and shit on me every morning for the rest of my life. Thanks, Obama.

Talk about gun control and taxes and walls all you want, 2016 presidential candidates, but if you want this blogger’s vote, eradicate the balls out of the kissing bug.

8-year-old Hawks fan has a plan to stop LeBron James

From SI.com:

“LeBron James finished two assists shy of a triple-double when the Cavs beat the Hawks on Saturday, and an eight-year-old Atlanta fan named Eli doesn’t want it to happen again.

Eli checked out a book from the library, found some information he thought might be useful to Hawks coach Mike Budenholzer and decided to send him a letter with his scouting report.”

“Dear Coach Bud-

My name is Eli. I’m 8 and I love the Hawks. I checked out Kings Of The Court The Cleveland Cavaliers from my school library. The book says LeBronJames.com has LeBron’s strengths and weaknesses. I wanted you to know this. I hope the weaknesses help you beat the Cavs.

Go Hawks!

Eli”

This is awesome. The city of Atlanta knows it’s gotta be all hands on deck if they want to beat the Cavs and contend in the East, your boy Eli here was just trying to do his part.

Of course, the “weaknesses” section of lebronjames.com no longer exists because there’s no point in having a section of a website dedicated to absolutely nothing. I plugged it into the Wayback machine but couldn’t find any snapshots that included the section in question. I’d imagine the list looked something like this though:

  • Perfectionist
  • Goes through too many sneakers due to overuse
  • Spends too much time above the rim
  • Handshake memory loss caused by complexity and sheer volume
  • Cheats to get himself into the line that scores the basket during 3 man weave
  • Home cooking
  • Nail biting
  • Rom-coms
  • Free-throws

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PS 100% chance Mike Pettine saw this story, opened a new tab in his browser and typed baltimoreravens.com with just his index fingers