Tag Archives: Cleveland Browns

Congratulations Browns Fans, You’re The 4th Drunkest Fanbase In The NFL

Via Vinepair

While some NFL fans are known to be rowdier than others, no one ever took it upon themselves to quantify the levels of intoxication around the league…until now. We reached out to the folks atBACtrack — who make personal smartphone-linked breathalyzers — to investigate. They crunched the data over the first seven weeks of the 2015 NFL season (Sundays only) and the results are in.

drunkfans


  1. Bills
  2. Lions
  3. Eagles
  4. Browns
  5. Cardinals

No surprise that these teams make up the top 5. When a team never wins a Super Bowl, it inevitably means their fans are going to booze more. Can’t win rings, can’t be sober. Who cares if the product on the field is shitty when you can drink 15 beers and still have an OK time? Browns fans know this line of reasoning all too well.

After yesterday’s Ray Farmer press conference I wouldn’t be surprised if the Browns vault into the top 3 pretty soon. What a debacle that was. You needed a stiff drink just to handle the words that your ears were hearing. If there was a ranking of “drunkest fans during owner and GM press conferences,” I think the Browns would be in first.

I’m almost positive this guy was the deciding factor on if the Browns would be in 5th or 4th place.

drunkjohnnyfan

Also, what’s up with Cincinnati? .016? WTF? Do you guys even NFL, bro? Can’t you walk like 15 feet into Kentucky and buy the 190 proof Everclear? Who knew Cincy was filled with a bunch of Debbie Downers?

Never change, Cleveland

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sciencecenterpassedout

https://twitter.com/badenhop91/status/648220313495412736/video/1

Dwayne Bowe’s not even bothering to fake it anymore

Alright. Enough is enough man. It’s been fun (using that term loosely) ripping the Browns for making such an awful decision to bring this guy in and it’s been fun (as a goose) making all of the “snake it till you make it” jokes about Bowe himself. But the camel’s back should be as broken as the Browns rush defense after this shit he pulled yesterday during the National Anthem. Now he’s not only pickpocketing the franchise to the tune of NINE MILLION DOLLARS but he’s gonna be a douchebag while he’s doing it? No thanks man.

Pettine needs to show some stones here sometime soon. Guessing he won’t just call him into this office and cut him himself, but there’s nothing stopping him from being honest about how worthless this guy has been the next time’s he’s asked about him in front of a microphone. You’re getting $3 million dollars per target this year. Everyone knows you’re a washed up waste of money. Just shut up and collect your checks. Instead, he gives us quotes like these:

“These guys love me, they know I’m a great teammate and a great player. It’s time to make plays and I’ve been doing it my whole career so that’s not going to change.”

“I fought my way so many years in Kansas City so, but it doesn’t matter. Once I hit the field running, you guys will love it.”

“We practice every day so the timing, I have really good timing with all the quarterbacks, actually. It’s just doing it in the game is what everybody is waiting on. Once that happens, the questions will be minimized.”

And then stands 15 yards away from the guys who allegedly love him during the National Anthem of a Salute to Service game. Class act, that Dwayne Bowe.

From a football standpoint though, what in the hell is this guy still doing on your roster? Don’t tell me the $9 million. That money is toast either way, whether he’s making a scene during pregame or he’s sitting on his couch. You signed him to be a big target for your quarterbacks in the passing game, yet on first and goal from the 9 in the first quarter yesterday, he was nowhere to be found. Same thing on second down. And third. Maybe Pettine forgot he was even active, since he’s been a healthy scratch the previous three weeks. The only reason he even saw the field later in the game was because Marlon Moore, a special teamer who made the team by the skin of his teeth, lost his shoe on a play and needed a sub.

So, to recap: you get absolutely no production on the field from this guy, and he’s a delusional sideshow off it. Insert Terrelle Pryor/Josh Lenz sentence here. He’s been a waste of a roster spot all year. Might as well bring in someone who actually wants to be here.

Full Video Of The Guy Falling Off A Wall In The Pit After A Browns Game. Whoops!

AAAH, I’M CLIMBING A WALL, TAKE A GOOD PICTURE, HONEY, I’M DEAD

Quick backstory: After the Browns lost to the Raiders earlier this season, this rascal here decided to climb this wall at The Pit (the other tailgating spot for Browns games). Why he decided to climb this wall is a question that will never be answered.

I’ve been waiting FOREVER for the full video to come out because all of the other ones out there ended right before he fell.  Seeing the original video without the fall was like watching the movie Seven and not finding out what’s in the box; like a 3 course meal ending after the entree; like sex with no orgasm. It just felt incomplete. As an audience we needed to see that fall. We needed to see our boy drunkenly climb those rocks and gracefully do an accidental swan dive onto pavement. Man, that was awesome. He survived. Luckily, the concrete broke his fall.

h/t Cleveland Scene